wispfox

australian_joe and I have broken up.

Distance ended up, in the end, being too much for me to cope with.

I think I am trying to ignore that australian_joe leaves tonight.

I keep finding myself focusing rather absurdly on figuring out which schools I want to apply for. In a year. Mostly because I want to know what I need to do between now and then, but still!

And I can totally take the next class in the sequence that I just finished a class in. Totally cool, and totally unexpectedly early. Actual psychology research experience. Online. Not really sure how this will work. :)

But yeah. I drive australian_joe to the airport at 5.

Sad.

I have been, and stayed, out of flare for over three months.

I am currently able to work full-time, and am starting to try driving myself to work and home again one day a week (40 minutes each way).

I am up to 2lb weights in my wrist/arm strength work, even though driving to work and back takes one of my strength work days away so it's only once a week right now. (this is from barely being able to handle .5lbs without flare concerns)

I managed to stay out of flare even with writing by hand more last Saturday than I usually do in months, if not a year. And I'm reasonably confident that, even though I usually have trouble keeping my train of thought and organization while writing by hand, I succeeded with both (I sorta wonder if having had to keep my train of thought through having forced computer breaks every 15 minutes - now 20 - helped with this), and most probably got at least the 'competent' that I need.

I can help around the house now, some, without worry over causing myself to go back into flare. Sweeping is ok. Mopping (with my feet!) is ok. Emptying the dishwasher is ok. Tidying is ok if I'm careful how much I do. I don't need aid to wash my hair. I can do my own damn laundry (carefully). I can go grocery shopping on my own (theoretically; we'll see tonight). Reading as much as I normally do is reasonably safe again.

I can type for a reasonable amount without worry about flare (I still watch for it, and take breaks as appropriate - my _god_ I take so much more time to type than I used to!), thus having posted more in the past few weeks than I had for a year. And thus being able to have reasonable email conversations, and thus not have quite so much trouble with LDRness as I was last year (I _need_ to be able to type to process things, much of the time. This is bad news when I could not easily do so for a year).

I'm actually feeling reasonably social again, now that I'm having less of my energy going toward handling my damn wrists and everything that entails.

I'm probably going to be able to take a class in the Spring, without worry about flare.

I can ever do IM with my far away sweetie again.

I can has hands which let me show affection and sympathy and have actual pressure behind hugs again. And sometimes let me be more interactive with people I'm dating. (It is _SO_ frustrating to not be able to use my hands with people I'm dating)

I can has hope that my hands will stop always requiring attention and awareness to this degree, ever.

I also clearly randomly wandered off into lolcat speak. I blame jasra and these two recent lolcats. Still charmed by this one!

I know, it was yesterday in your time zone, but I wish you a delightful birthday anyway.

( cut for excessive schmoop )

Yep. Mopey.

to not have trouble sleeping on a regular basis.
to not have seasonal depression.
to have my wrists be normal again.
to not have stupid digestive issues.

to have a day where I don't have to do anything (difficult when I get hungry or need bathroom or cannot sleep anymore).
to not have the three people i'm closest to in distress. more so when one is because of me and points 3&4.

I am so goddamn tired. physically, mentally, pycholoically. and I have no idea what to do to fix it. none of my normal sleep tricks are working, nd that is likely my biggest issue right now. sleep helps ecerything else, after all.

Mope.

One thing I am starting to notice myself really missing from australian_joe being around is, although not actually specific to him, not something I get when he's not around. That would be easy access to casual physical affection.

It doesn't feel specific to him, though, which is why I don't think it negates my earlier comments about this time being a much faster recovery. Still miss it, though. And, of course, I certainly miss _him_, even though it's not weighing on my mind much. (and yes, I figure this will always be something I miss after he leaves until I have some easy way of getting such locally. Which, since most everyone I know isn't nearby, makes this unlikely to be any time soon! Then again, it might actually require me sharing living space with someone who is good with casual physical affection. Not sure)


In other news, last night entailed lots of dreams in which I was simultaneously myself and someone else. All I can guess is really good VR. Was kinda neat, although also somewhat creepy.

Link found on mactavish's journal:

"Fag. This is what I heard someone call my little boy today. I didn’t ignore it. I asked. I glared. What did you say?"


I don't _want_ to go to bed, even though I'm tired. I think this may be related to the fact that I'm constantly tired. Stupid February. Oddly, today was _very_ Spring-like. What a strange winter this is.


( musings on Joe being back in .au and such )