[link & other stuff]

[wispfox]

Link found on mactavish's journal:

"Fag. This is what I heard someone call my little boy today. I didn’t ignore it. I asked. I glared. What did you say?"


I don't _want_ to go to bed, even though I'm tired. I think this may be related to the fact that I'm constantly tired. Stupid February. Oddly, today was _very_ Spring-like. What a strange winter this is.


I do, indeed, appear to have recovered much more rapidly after australian_joe's return to Australia than I did the last time, even if I don't adjust for how very much more difficult it was immediately after he left, this time. Is possible that I'm just better at distracting myself, but I'm skeptical.

I think it relates to whatever it was that clicked into place in my head this visit, apparently making him (and us) more solid in my head (if nothing else, we now have had 5 weeks of in-person time, rather than 2!). I also think that that clicking may be why it was so much more difficult the first couple days after he left (even when adjusting for season modulo SAM-e, that was bad. Without the SAM-e, that would probably have been just about a normal reaction, although perhaps a little stronger than I'd have expected).

I do appear to be much less chatty on the phone, though, which is similar to the last time immediately after he'd returned to .au (fascinatingly, my brain utterly refuses to say 'returned home'). It's difficult to adjust back to solely words (especially spoken ones! I'm much better with written ones. As evidenced by the rather insane amount and length of email he's received from me since he left. ;) when one is so _very_ in-person- and touch-oriented.

I do note, however, that this _is_ a less chatty time of year for me, overall. Is possible that I'd have been less chatty on the phone from mid-Jan until March even had he _not_ just left. And I think I was less chatty - and more touch-oriented - while he was here this time than I was last summer. Even adjusting for the stronger reality of things in my head, I mean.

Have I recently mentioned how utterly amazing it is to me that this whole insanely long-distance and not-expected-to-not-be-this-way relationship is actually _working_, and working well (better than any past relationships I've had, even)? Yeah. Amazement. :) (the idea of suggesting to myself before APC10 that I'd be seriously involved with someone on the other side of the damn planet is amusing the hell out of me, though. Actually, I think I'd have been skeptical for a few months _after_ APC10, although I can't remember when I first started contemplating that idea)

Comments

[jasra]

Thank you so much for linking to the post by catelin. Wow.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Have I recently mentioned how utterly amazing it is to me that this whole insanely long-distance and not-expected-to-not-be-this-way relationship is actually _working_, and working well (better than any past relationships I've had, even)?

[long pause]

For some reason I'm wanting to say this privately, but I usually think it's a good idea to echo the mode that these sorts of things are said in, so I'll respond in public since you said it in public.

I had a huge wave of complicated emotion and was blinking vigorously when I read this.

I've had a lot of fears about the distance not being good for you, and I'm sure I'll still have them, but you just gave them a pretty big whack upside the head.

Perhaps it's no coincidence that this afternoon after our call is when I've first been getting quite sad about being away from you.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

For some reason I'm wanting to say this privately, but I usually think it's a good idea to echo the mode that these sorts of things are said in, so I'll respond in public since you said it in public.

I wouldn't, so you know, have cared if you'd said it privately.

I had a huge wave of complicated emotion and was blinking vigorously when I read this.

*smile* *holds*

Does this mean I _haven't_ said this before? Because I've certainly meant to.

I've had a lot of fears about the distance not being good for you, and I'm sure I'll still have them, but you just gave them a pretty big whack upside the head.

The distance _isn't_ good for me, especially with no local partner(s) to offset things when you go away. But everything else is sufficiently good for me that it's still overall a very good thing, even with the distance aspect.

As I've said to you before, there are many ways in which you/us reaffirms beliefs I'd had about the way things ought to be, but had never actually had confirmed. A large part of that, and a large part of why the distance _isn't_ a fatal problem, is how verbal you are. (another large part is how well our wants/needs seem to fit, although that is more apparent when we are together, and does not affect the distance aspect so much)

I'm amused that your fears are getting whacked, and not soothed. ;)

Perhaps it's no coincidence that this afternoon after our call is when I've first been getting quite sad about being away from you.

Perhaps, and probably my being less spoken-word chatty affects that as well. I do have to wonder if this is the first time since your return during which you've not been stupidly busy?

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Does this mean I _haven't_ said this before? Because I've certainly meant to.

Oh, you have, but maybe only separate bits of it at separate times. Not all together like that, and maybe something clicked in my head with the last visit too, since it's had more of an effect than it has in the past.


But everything else is sufficiently good for me that it's still overall a very good thing, even with the distance aspect.

And this, I don't think you've quite said before, or not so confidently and completely.


a large part of why the distance _isn't_ a fatal problem, is how verbal you are

Yay for introspective prolixity!


I do have to wonder if this is the first time since your return during which you've not been stupidly busy?

Yes, that's true.

I'm also noting I've gotten very used to being able to have a certain amount of time to myself each day, and I've been quite irritable when I've felt it was being intruded upon.

I will rearrange some things in my day to have some dedicated/declared "I'm off on my own time".

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

(got tired of webform conversation. To email!)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Yep!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Probably not requiring clarification, but I do that:

"how verbal you are" ought to be "how verbal you are in ways that work well for me".

'Cause there are almost certainly people who are very, very verbal, but who would drive me batty. :)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Yes, figured. 8->

[catya.livejournal.com]

thanks for the link