grumble

Jun. 7th, 2012 10:26 am
wispfox: (Default)
Apparently I have no stamina. I can't tell if I'm sick, overwhelmed, or depressed.

Unfortunately, it's translating to wanting to do anything _but_ my thesis work, which needs to be at a final draft stage before mid-July when my adviser is gone for three weeks. And it's due as in needs to be done and approved by my adviser and second reader by early August. And I just Don't Want To.

Mostly, just tired. Don't really want to do much of anything, and spent last weekend mostly sleeping (which probably means I'm actually sick). I think I may also be sleeping for crap, which may be due to the fact that I have a time pressure that I'm aware of and I feel like I'm not really doing enough about.

Grumble.

Yes, I've done a little meditation, mostly while trying to fall asleep. Not sure if it's helping.
wispfox: (Default)
Yay, not sick. And hey, a reset on how much food I eat isn't all bad, either.

Unfortunately, winter decided to remind me that hey, I am still seasonally depressed, even if it is mostly under control. Similarly unfortunately, I have still not found a useful replacement for the uppers source that was World of Warcraft for me for years. I am displeased that this appears to translate to trying to find tasty things to put into my mouth, even if I am not hungry. Need WoW replacement!

School back in session. Did not make short list for PhD program at Brandeis, which means that I shall need to find a job in the psych research field for a year when I finish my masters, then figure out where I can and should apply to. On the plus side, if I manage to find a job in the field, I will have more flexibility to handle the possibility that the places I wish to apply to are not at the time accepting PhD students. Also, the possibility that where I do find to apply does not accept me.

Even so, though. Tired of applying. Tired of having to figure out what I'm doing every damn year, and applying to schools every year.

Less down than I was, though, thanks to time with [livejournal.com profile] metahacker tonight.
wispfox: (sad)
Too many days of grey days + very minimal amounts of roommateness + not having been up to walking around much when there _was_ sun last + sad wrists (which are slowly improving) + surgery recovery (my guts don't hurt anymore!) + no one around at home (immediately after _lots_ of people being around) = seriously depressed and lonely [livejournal.com profile] wispfox

Mew...

I need to try to find cuddly people to visit me this weekend, as there is basically no [livejournal.com profile] jasra time this weekend. Especially Saturday and Sunday during the day (Sunday evening is tentatively given to [livejournal.com profile] chaiya, and Saturday night is my regular call with [livejournal.com profile] australian_joe for which I will be much more alert than last week). And I can't drive anywhere with my wrists desperately needing time to rest from last weekend. Maybe I'll sleep absurd amounts and _really_ make the depression plus healing obvious (maybe I'll be _able_ to!).

On the plus side, Psinging tomorrow night. And lunch with people, also.
wispfox: (sad)
Too many days of grey days + very minimal amounts of roommateness + not having been up to walking around much when there _was_ sun last + sad wrists (which are slowly improving) + surgery recovery (my guts don't hurt anymore!) + no one around at home (immediately after _lots_ of people being around) = seriously depressed and lonely [livejournal.com profile] wispfox

Mew...

I need to try to find cuddly people to visit me this weekend, as there is basically no [livejournal.com profile] jasra time this weekend. Especially Saturday and Sunday during the day (Sunday evening is tentatively given to [livejournal.com profile] chaiya, and Saturday night is my regular call with [livejournal.com profile] australian_joe for which I will be much more alert than last week). And I can't drive anywhere with my wrists desperately needing time to rest from last weekend. Maybe I'll sleep absurd amounts and _really_ make the depression plus healing obvious (maybe I'll be _able_ to!).

On the plus side, Psinging tomorrow night. And lunch with people, also.
wispfox: (curled kitty)
We're getting there. With care, I can do my excercises plus some small amounts of weight without causing myself to be worse. And typing is not causing issues (clicking is a cautiously ok thing, if minimal. I mostly use the trackpad thing, but for some things, the trackball buttons are _MUCH_ easier - mostly, copying/pasting), at least not as of yet. But then, I'm being reasonably cautious about that, too. And yes, I'm still on stupid amounts of anti-inflams.

Driving ~25 minutes yesterday was ok, but I'm glad I didn't drive myself home again.

And... as long as I don't keep thinking that because my emotional state is _currently_ ok that I therefore have my cope all back, that's also doing reasonably. Slowly. But I'm not anymore constantly on point of crying for no apparent reason. I'm utterly certain that I'm still ridiculously emotionally fragile, but it's still _better_. Better is good.

Having been sick/low-grade feverish all weekend and not having _known_ it can _not_ have helped anything. Well, except that it _forced_ me to get lots of sleep. Lots of sleep. Seriously. Couldn't work Tuesday because I could _NOT_ stay awake. Also? I hate fever dreams. They tend strongly toward nightmares, or at least being very unsettling. Possibly dependant on emotional state, though, because I seem to recall that I've been known to be highly entertained by fever dreams in the past. It'd be highly annoying if my damn _dreams_ while feverish were contributing to my emotional fragility, since usually sleep _helps_. Meh.
wispfox: (curled kitty)
We're getting there. With care, I can do my excercises plus some small amounts of weight without causing myself to be worse. And typing is not causing issues (clicking is a cautiously ok thing, if minimal. I mostly use the trackpad thing, but for some things, the trackball buttons are _MUCH_ easier - mostly, copying/pasting), at least not as of yet. But then, I'm being reasonably cautious about that, too. And yes, I'm still on stupid amounts of anti-inflams.

Driving ~25 minutes yesterday was ok, but I'm glad I didn't drive myself home again.

And... as long as I don't keep thinking that because my emotional state is _currently_ ok that I therefore have my cope all back, that's also doing reasonably. Slowly. But I'm not anymore constantly on point of crying for no apparent reason. I'm utterly certain that I'm still ridiculously emotionally fragile, but it's still _better_. Better is good.

Having been sick/low-grade feverish all weekend and not having _known_ it can _not_ have helped anything. Well, except that it _forced_ me to get lots of sleep. Lots of sleep. Seriously. Couldn't work Tuesday because I could _NOT_ stay awake. Also? I hate fever dreams. They tend strongly toward nightmares, or at least being very unsettling. Possibly dependant on emotional state, though, because I seem to recall that I've been known to be highly entertained by fever dreams in the past. It'd be highly annoying if my damn _dreams_ while feverish were contributing to my emotional fragility, since usually sleep _helps_. Meh.

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