wispfox

I don't think this is just because of season or boredom with excess amounts of coding at my volunteer job, but damned if I know what it _is_.

Awake is hard. I'm doing it, and I'm at school, but want to sleep or at least doze. And drink lots of water.

*grumble*

Gotta say, though, Saturday's party was delightful. :)

Suzanne, Cos and me
Originally uploaded by jasra.

I finally remembered to link to the pictures in jasra's flickr of the Halloween party that jasra and I went to Saturday night!

It was great fun! I appear to be being way social, now that I have meds to allow me to sleep a reasonable amount. Kinda crazy, since it's _autumn_.

[edit: click to see the rest of the set!]

My November is _FAR_ too busy. It's only halfway through and I want to sleep for a week.

On the plus side, the two weekends of intensive training are over (a few more evenings of training left). And those two weekends, completely aside from the intended things to be learning, taught me that I really _really_ need to be scheduling more flexibility into my schedule, especially on the weekend. Especially considering that I am likely to be working 1-6p on Saturdays on the hotline, presuming that's where I start out working (not sure how ready I feel, or would be considered, so it's not certain). Am working on adjusting that.

So. Drained. And _WAY_ low on social energy.

Not going to Psinging on Friday. Need that time to myself, as it's my only free time this week.

Probably going to put Alexander Technique on hold for the winter, after my next appointment. Too much time and money and energy requirement there, and insufficient immediate beneficial results.

It's definitely November, light-wise. SAM-e useful. But need to be better about light box first thing in the morning (problem is that it's _much_ less useful if there are other sources of sunlight in the room, so I really should be getting up at 7a in order to use it).

My kitty loves me. And missed me intensely (I know because he's pretending to be my shadow).

Good weekend, although major trouble sleeping Friday (unsurprising that this occurred, mind), such that I wasn't even _tired_ until 3am and then everything was waking me up all night, meant that I was seriously out of sorts on Saturday. Slept a bit better - although not well - Saturday night.

And the lack of sunlight is starting to get to me.

Shadow kitty!

Last night, for some odd reason, I kept having the phrase "bright shadows" in my head. I still don't know why. Felt somewhat like I was immersed in lots of 'almosts', but could only sense them out of the corner of my... eyes? Like, almost music, almost dancing, almost joy. Almosts. Don't know what to do with that, really.

NYC continues to reduce in intimidation for me, although it's far too crowded for me to ever live there. Also, the air would kill me. Seems to have a thing for making my throat unhappy, it does.

Someone... recently (a co-worker?) mentioned that they seem to get way more colds and sinus infections since having their tonsils out. This intrigues me, since I also have no tonsils, and get colds and sinus problems _way_ more often than makes sense. Startlingly so, since my immune system seems otherwise good (I never, ever, ever get cuts infected, for example). So now, I'm fascinated. I can't, however, complain about their removal - I apparently had lots and _LOTS_ of strep throat problems before they gave up and took away my tonsils.

I have no idea why I wrote 'shadow kitty' up above. But it's curious to me that I did, so I leave it.

I keep inflicting kringle on people. This amuses me. I don't know why I feel compelled to do this. At some level, at least, the idea of people having no idea what it is confuses me. I note that - at least the way I learned to pronounce it - the 'g' is only barely pronounced. Unlike in Kris Kringle.

I'm vaguely concerned by how many regular things I am - or will be - doing. Am contemplating cutting down a bit, although I'm not yet sure where. It's not as if I've been terribly social, at least other than with a very small group of people, so not having free time in my schedule - as long as I have enough time to myself - may not matter all that much. We'll see. I certainly know that I seem to be just as borderline overstimmed on weeks that I have little going on as on ones I have a lot, so... yeah. I watch.

I'm seeing Serenity twice next week. This entertains me greatly.

I really do hope going to .au (and NOT WORKING) for a month in February will help the fact that I seem to be more or less constantly on the point of being overstimulated.

I don't know why, exactly, but I figure a real vacation (the likes of which I've not had since at least the last time I was in school, in '01) can't hurt. And is likely to help!

Can't decide if perhaps I'm just more likely to be easily overstimmed as I get older, if this really is just about me wanting to go ahead and change careers already, or something else that I can't think of. Similar question, as far as the degree of wintertime effects.

I'm tired of being tired, dammit! (but it's an overstimmed tired, and not - usually - a lack of sleep tired. Sometimes, it's both)

[edit: Actually, this feels an awful lot like I've just never quite gotten out of being burnt out a year ago last summer. So I think it may really be just about me needing to change careers]

My brain is really, really, really clear today. I don't know why. I had a hell of a time waking up. I wonder if it was chatting with australian_joe lots on IM this morning?

Actually, for a few days, I've been remarkably clear-headed. Thus the multiple random posts yesterday. :)

I wish I knew why! But it's nice. A bit late in the season, but still nice.

Perhaps having a roommate again is doing it, even though interactions tend to be brief and random (due to her cat being trapped in her room, and not wanting to neglect her).

Dunno. Is neat. I approve!

Does work well with actually having initiative to do things at work again, too! :)

So... I've apparently _not_ been doing a very good job of getting good amounts of cuddling lately, almost certainly partly affected by lack of couch. I know because I did last night, and noticed myself somewhat confused, as if I'd almost forgotten how to be quietly cuddly (it's difficult for me to be quietly cuddly with people when the options are: my bed, the floor, and chairs which are next to each other but are not a couch).


Can't imagine _that_ lack is helping with my energy levels. Sheesh!

Cuddly with people as vs. my cat, mind - he's still been getting that from me. Although he really really misses me having a roommate, and is _very_ lonely. This makes being social by going places much harder, because I feel bad about leaving him alone...

There will be a couch, and a roommate, soon. And there will be a australian_joe even sooner, for a bit less than a week.

[edit: the humidity probably factors in to this, as well; less likely to be cuddly when I'm feeling sticky]

Of course, it's entirely possible that my (relatively, for me, for this time of year) low social energy is partly that I'm not getting enough sleep (sometimes - presumably when I've been especially cuddly with him - Ash doesn't wake me at 6am, but usually, he does. I'm also having trouble falling asleep at night), and partly that I _do_ have a reasonable number of individuals that I seek out on a fairly regular basis, even if I have no roommate.

Wonder if having a roommate will make me more or less likely to do large group things? I can't remember...

I do wish I could get enough sleep regularly, rather than rarely. Damn cat.

Huh. I wonder if the fact that I _have_ regular group social things also reduces my likelihood of seeking other ones out, or wanting to do them? (Psinging, work group, Spectrum) Probably. I suspect this is part of why I tend toward not wanting to do regular social things.

I am having _such_ a strong 'not sure I want to go to Baitcon' thing, partly due to large crowd, partly due to the fact that few (no?) people I'm highly close to will be there (as far as I know. Some who I'm somewhat close to, though, which helps). I think that if I were not being someone's ride, I'd decide against it, at this point. Actually... I might poke the person whose ride I'm being, to see if they can find another at this point (probably not, but worth asking).

Where the hell did my 'I'm very social in summer' thing go? Sure, I'm more social than in winter, but... Meh.

took _stupid_ amounts of energy to write! Sometimes getting things out of my head is like pulling teeth. But it always helps to get it written at least vaguely clearly, so...