wispfox

-hands that can handle driving to work & back, & petting people & kitties, & class, & silly games
-knowing who australian_joe _is_, again.
-silly/sweet/cute movies like Juno
-showers
-air conditioning so my attic apartment doesn't prevent sleeping (and anything involving touching other people) all summer.
-metahacker
-psinging, for people I love, for singing with others
-my arms being noticeably stronger to external comparisons

but now, sleep. hopefully.

Too many days of grey days + very minimal amounts of roommateness + not having been up to walking around much when there _was_ sun last + sad wrists (which are slowly improving) + surgery recovery (my guts don't hurt anymore!) + no one around at home (immediately after _lots_ of people being around) = seriously depressed and lonely wispfox

Mew...

I need to try to find cuddly people to visit me this weekend, as there is basically no jasra time this weekend. Especially Saturday and Sunday during the day (Sunday evening is tentatively given to chaiya, and Saturday night is my regular call with australian_joe for which I will be much more alert than last week). And I can't drive anywhere with my wrists desperately needing time to rest from last weekend. Maybe I'll sleep absurd amounts and _really_ make the depression plus healing obvious (maybe I'll be _able_ to!).

On the plus side, Psinging tomorrow night. And lunch with people, also.

It has been _way_ too long since I've been at Psinging. I missed it! And having cuddly people to cuddle while singing is always good. And much thanks to randysmith for being a ride there and back, so that I didn't have to leave stupidly early because I was too tired to drive.

I do need to remember to _ground and center_ after Psinging, though, especially if I'm stupidly high energy and so is everyone else (possibly because I was; hard to be sure). Sleeping works better when I do that.

I apparently hum to myself when I'm reading sometimes. I only mention this because I noticed myself doing it on the train on the way to work. I suspect that I harmonize with whatever sounds there are around me, although it's largely unconscious, so I have no idea. I forgot that I did this!

Sleeping has apparently decided to be my friend again. Slept reasonably three nights in a row. Good sleep. *pats it* This also means my focus is more useful (of course, I can't tell if I'm sleeping better because I got more focus back, or if it's back because I slept. Damn spirals!).

I would just like to note a pout at the fact that australian_joe's online presence is minimal due to his current workplace. Coinciding strangely with my (carefully) increased ability to send people stupid amounts of email.

I managed to earworm myself with Magic (lyrics) earlier today. Thankfully, I know it well enough to sing (clearly, since I made my youngest sister teach it to me years ago when she learned it at camp), and I have other music here at work.

Ok, enough random. Back to work.

It's _weird_ to not have the usual guitarist (and person who sends out the reminders) be at Psinging. Oddly, though, there were 5 stringed instruments last night. Don't know what prompted them all to come, but it was neat anyway. :) Also very, very crowded.

I really do like being ~10 minutes away. Even when sleep is being stupid, I can still generally go. :)

I think I figured out why (other than just because I was being contrary) I don't have (or want) a harem by my definition, but the definitions used last night were ok (but good at making me blush furiously).

Harem, in my head, implies things like there being a lack of equality. And that I'm supporting them. And they are always around (that would be crowded). And that there is more defined relationship structure than there actually is in australian_joe's definition of such.

randysmith's definition is just funny. :) And, of course, the fact that I'm nearly certain that the definitions used were only used so that the word could be made to apply to me certainly caused me to have _reason_ to be contrary about it. In addition, the discussion was making me blush furiously, as I tend to have a difficult time with being made highly visible, even if in a good way and in a group of people I trust. (which probably contributed to the discussion continuing, since it's not as if I blush often)

australian_joe's definition was the group containing the people that I have kissed, where there is continued mutual interest in doing more than that (regardless of if it's likely that there will be more than that).

randysmith's definition, which I think no longer even vaguely approximates the original meaning, but was amusing in the 'dear god, I can't even enumerate that list" kind of way, was people I am comfortable cuddling in public. I think that contains pretty much everyone whose company I seek out in a social setting, and since I'm known to periodically have trouble keeping track of who I've not seen a while in that group, especially if they are local, I sure as hell can't enumerate it!

I think the funniest thing about this is that I _was_ actively trying to get everyone who fits australian_joe's definition, who would be around and known to be interested, at last night's Psinging. Because, dude, singing and many people I care about. What's _not_ to like?

I do _not_ have a harem!

So, my excessive exhaustion, while still around, is finally starting to lift. After three days. Which, of course, only increases my suspicion that I was, in fact at least a bit ill. (taking immune boosters probably also helped, which I did once I realized I was actually ill)

And, kindly enough, it lifted enough that working from home the past few days meant I was sufficiently low on socialness that I wanted to go to Psinging strongly enough to actually _go_. Being 10 minutes away helps, too. Kept having period reminders of exhaustion, but I stayed the entire time.

Sad that I missed Baitcon, but I am certain that was the correct choice. And hey - it means I actually get a call with australian_joe this weekend, which would not otherwise have been possible.

Now, shower. Unintentionally wearing rayon makes for an overly warm me. I half think I should go through my wardrobe and find all rayon stuff, because I tend to think of the kinds of clothing I have that are rayon as summer-y clothing, but the lack of breathability makes that not actually possible. Stupid plastic clothing. But, now, due to randysmith's comment, I have demonstrated to my amusement that plastic clothing really _doesn't_ let air through, because I attempted to blow on it through to my skin.

Shower. And sleep. After I rip the couple Indigo Girls CDs that I apparently forgot to rip, one of which contains the song currently stuck in my head. Good song. Sad song. Very much a song that reminds me of people I've lost (for, indeed, they are ghosts...). Always has. Even before I _had_ people I'd lost, which is rather odd!

I have _weird_ thoughts while falling asleep. Last night, it was "sometimes, life is in a minor key". I also noted that I think I kept "Magic" in my head, partly for reference, until I stopped having to take its major premise on faith, as well as to pass it along to Psinging. I feel compelled to sing it far less often than I used to.

It is almost certain that I won't be at Baitcon this year. Stupid lack of energy.


By theferrett, Closing off Doors

Via ladytabitha, aroraborealis wants to know When you meet someone who you think could be a good friend, how do you go about bringing him/her into your life? I am amused that the last few people I remembering putting in a concerted effort along these lines (rather than having it just happen) were ladytabitha and australian_joe. At the moment, it's brynndragon, who is actually the one who took the first step (with the other two, I think I did).

Finally, also via ladytabitha, the I Can Eat Glass Project.

I am now _9 minutes_ from Psinging. Oh, the glee... :)

Since lots of people've been asking:

I have no idea if I'll be at Psinging tonight. I have plans immediately after work (after I feed my cat), and I don't know how late they'll go or how tired I'll be after them. I currently intend to try to go, although it may only be for the last hour or so.

I _will_ be there next time, and will be bringing (at the least) australian_joe with me.