wispfox

I have an essay with edits to review, which needs fewer words than it has and I would like to submit with the application next week before Thanksgiving. I also have a lot of tired. An awful lot.

As an example of the tired, it's taken me until today to actually get around to mentioning that metahacker and I have been dating 2 years last Sunday. And I've been living with him, galaneia, and hfcougar for 7 months.

It feels longer, it feels shorter, it feels not long enough. We're learning how to share living space, to remember to check in and see how things are, both of us, the three of us, the whole household. I keep being perplexed that I did not know him, or him and galaneia, or galaneia when past occurrences are referenced. I am startled when I see and fail to recognize pictures of him with beard, and only figure it out because galaneia is in the picture as well.

It bemuses me when I take a look at that part of me which is no good at settling, which needs things to be not just good enough, but _good_, and it's calm. I don't know what to do with that, really, and one some level it kind of scares me. I'm not used to it being quiet when it's not only because I'm too depressed to hear it. But I don't think that is why. I still want to travel, _ache_ to travel, and explore. I'm just not being driven to find where I fit anymore.

There's absolutely stutters and complications around getting to know people and figuring out living space and such. There's periodic reminders where I remember that I _haven't_ known either metahacker or galaneia that long, and need to add in new information to adjust my default expectations & behaviors appropriately. And we do all periodically step on each other's tomato patches [1] (often at the same time) and need to recover from that. This is part of being human, really. And living together and being close and caring about people.

I don't have enough words to put around and with how, why, and how much I love metahacker. Nor how much of a delight it is to continue to get to know galaneia better and to count her among my close friends. All I can say is that both statements are true, and important.

[1] From alt.polyamory, a phrase I like much better than stepping in people's mental mine fields. This is probably a decent sample of why I find it a useful metaphor.

Creme brule ice cream: cold, interesting, and OMG sweet.

Having had galaneia and metahacker recall my perhaps excessive fondness for creme brule's crackly goodness and obtain ice cream based on that? Utterly, utterly charming.

Can has my _own_ miniatures to practice painting on.

My family appears to be invading Facebook. I am... perplexed!

I can has room dimensions with which to play!

Because being overly tired, loopy, and giggly is the _best_ time to remember to call my sister. :) (awwwwww voicemail!)

There is an unexpected jasra!

For some reason, "photos and bananas" is making me giggly. I have noooo idea. Blame the_xtina's post.

Ok, off to play with online room dimensions tools.

Baby red pandas!

Simple Wikipedia

Getting good time, chatting, and cuddles with my cuddly wordsmith of a sweetie.

Going to the Butterfly Place with a quite gleeful, photo-taking galaneia, where there were also some utterly adorable tiny birds. And hungry, hungry goldfish with gaping mouths.

It's almost not February anymore!

Snuggly, chatty jasra, and knowing that we will continue to see each other weekly when we are not roommates.

Being productive.

Having had a visit from randysmith last week, and getting time with majes this week.

Lasting slightly longer at a party of people I largely don't know than I expected to do, especially considering it was after spending time around small children at the Butterfly Place.

Boxes. And filling them with stuff.

Realizing that my wrist was cranky because it wanted more (non-computer) use, not because the computer use was itself problematic to the point of danger.

Sunlight.

Actually feeling my sleep meds kick in last night and being sleepy because of it (means my brain isn't going too fast for them to counteract).

Arisia was muchly good. Now, I am very over-peopled and tired! (and also miss metahacker and galaneia, with whom I spent lots of Arisia, plus everyone else I saw not enough of, like deyo and mactavish) Also, I did _not_ get enough cuddling, probably because I was not staying _still_ enough. Got lots Sun night and Mon morn, though, which helped immensely.

Also, I need to go through my college options and figure out which make sense to try applying to at the end of the year.

And also start packing for April's move. Boxes. Everyone give me boxes!

And probably should start looking at financial aid things, for timing of such.

Investigating a weighted blanket whose weight is better distributed.

And also, I am totally going to get a pretty dragon made for me by the same person from whom I got my crazy feathery hair falls. And if she does gryphons, perhaps a gryphon.

I think I need to go add to my to-do list before I go crazy. ;)

Yay, party. Even though I was sick and very nearly didn't make it (did make it thanks to being utterly _bored_ of sleeping, a sweetie who came and picked me up, and people including said sweetie missing me at the party).

Definitely need to manage to go to one of majes parties again when I'm _not_ sick, and stay as late as that. I think I may have stayed that late once or twice before. Maybe.

Much cuddly goodness, much hotness, some bits of kissing here and there (trying to not spread plague!). Lots of nifty people.

Now, to get _not sick_ already. At least being sick did not make time with metahacker entirely spent trying to make me less miserable. There were lots of good points _around_ the miserable!

Stupid sick. Hopefully it's not a flu.

On the plus side, dayquil - and therefore probably nyquil - helped. Generic, but whatever.

Wow, my parsing of things I'm reading/writing is fascinating. We'll see if I manage to work tomorrow...

This post _really_ wanted to be a complainy post. But I refuse!

Instead!

I had gaming again Friday night which was great fun. And eventually I will adjust to playing in a D&D mindset *with* people (most of my D&D-ish experience has been computer games). :)

And there was much time with metahacker and galaneia, with a brief sighting of hfcougar. And I now have Demolition Man and Hot Fuzz trying to combine themselves into a single thing in my head, which made for _really_ odd dreams last night.

Saw devoken for the first time in a while, which was also good.

Grocery shopping and snuggling with jasra was good, as was my call with australian_joe who I did in fact nearly fall asleep on the phone with a couple of times.

I am now a prime number again. This is a pleasing thing.

Many brief conversations with family due to the aforementioned becoming a prime again, which was nice. Even if one of them had the poor timing to call 5 minutes before my call with australian_joe. :)

Many people volunteered to help me with my homework, and there were enough woman that I did not have to start emailing every woman I know. :)

Lots of cuddling, very good. And I shall see my 8-month-pregnant sister, her husband, and her daughter this weekend, to which I shall be _driving_, not commuter-railing.

Tomorrow I hope to sleep until a reasonable time in the morning after going to bed at a reasonable time, to have a reasonably productive day at work, to be reasonably pain-free, and to have a good evening with metahacker. ('reasonable' is apparently my word for the day)

Interesting things to remember...

People interactions get exponential very quickly. Tis is not bad, but it is time consuming. When I had no local sweeties, I had a lot more time for maintaining friends relationships. Also, driving is problematic, again.

Because... taking a class is _time-consuming_, if fun, and another step toward future plans, and wrist-usage (esp that first partial week!).

It's funny seeing my trouble with word problems and putting theoretical knowledge into practice illustrated so vividly. My problem with math stats in not the math (not at all), it's knowing what to use, when, and why. Give me the reasons and pattern and big picture, because in all likelihood, I will not figure it out.

But I think the prof has figured it out (or we're just getting out of the definitions), because this week hurts my brain much less. Good thing, because my wrists were hating me, since I was also not sleeping.

And this weekend was good, if really warm. And even if I did take until last night to figure out sleep evils.

... seeing ayalanya during her visit to the area, even if she was utterly exhausted. But still cuddleable!

... Peter Mayer in concert.

... many, many, many hugs. Many lovely people. A brief appearance at a party. Dinner. A concert.

... playing silly games with a sweetie who was actually the one at the controls.

"Try aiming the hawk at the bees nest!" *pause* "Wait, that worked?! Huh!"

"Hey, there's something moving over there!" *pause while waiting for the hawk to arrive again* *aiming the hawk at the moving thing* "Hey, the hawk got something!"

"I don't know how to fish." *startled pause* "You don't? Huh!" *explaining how to fish, generally and in the context of the game's mechanics*

These were very small fish. Perch-sized, if I'm not mis-remembering both the name and the size (fished a fair amount as a kid).

... being awake and bouncy, even though I got not enough sleep (for good reason!) Friday night.

... dancing in my seat, because I like the music Just That Much. Knowing much of it well helps, too, even if I entirely failed to not sing (quietly) along with the ones I knew.

... sunlight outside today. And some of Saturday. And some of Sunday.

... random group hugs. And dragging other people into them.

... wandering around outside on a call with a sweetie.

... being able to go outside randomly without it being too damn cold every time.

... hugging and being pet by people I've not seen in too long. I really do need to go to the next Psinging.

... randomly chatty emails.

... having my hair played with.

... playing with people's hair.

... entertaining people with a fiberoptic glowy hair thing.

... being awakened by a sweetie. And then by being cuddled by a cuddly sweetie and sweetie's sweetie. Even if I was horribly tired and not wanting to get up. :)

... randamly being physically-affectionate with people I love. And that to me in turn.

... starandrea twice in two weekends!

... borrowing a sweetie's jacket who is 8 inches taller makes me laugh, because the sleeve length is truly absurd.

... clothing that smells of a sweetie.

... a truly excellent weekend, insufficient sleep and all.

I can, indeed, switch my brain into a state where I can be intensely social for long periods of time. But it requires me to not need to keep track of time, makes me _very_ flighty (counteracted by being cuddled), not great at self care, and makes non-highly-social activities not things I want to be doing (so I made it to no panels at all, and played very few games). It also requires that I have people I am utterly comfortable with clinging to/cuddling with reasonably easily available. It also makes me _way_ less good at being aware that I am not seeing as much of people as I might like, if I'm seeing them at all and I _am_ getting time with comfortably cuddly people. It also means that I start getting less able to handle touch from those I'm not as comfortable with. And starts meaning my impulse control goes away (although that may have been insufficient sleep).

I have done this before (when I met the_xtina and cos, and went to the housewarming where I knew no one), but it's been a long time, and I didn't really understand then how to make it last without huge cost. Now I have more data. :)

So! Arisia mathmatics:

( cutting is kind )

Got to spend much of an evening with metahacker & devoken, which was, as always, excellent goodness.

And there was a delivery of chicken soup stock from galaneia, who is a sweetheart for trying to feed and caretake myself and australian_joe from afar, and for reducing the amount of cooking things the stressed-from-Arisia jasra needs to do.

australian_joe seems to actually have gotten enough sleep for the first time this visit, thankfully (I did not get home early enough to have done that myself last night, but it was worth it).

Still slowly improving, myself. Mostly just _really_ tired of coughing!

And now I get to work from work (test how improved I _really_ am) with jasra as ride and company.