(no subject)
Nov. 17th, 2009 03:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxI have an essay with edits to review, which needs fewer words than it has and I would like to submit with the application next week before Thanksgiving. I also have a lot of tired. An awful lot.
As an example of the tired, it's taken me until today to actually get around to mentioning that![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
metahacker and I have been dating 2 years last Sunday. And I've been living with him, galaneia, and hfcougar for 7 months.
It feels longer, it feels shorter, it feels not long enough. We're learning how to share living space, to remember to check in and see how things are, both of us, the three of us, the whole household. I keep being perplexed that I did not know him, or him andgalaneia, or galaneia when past occurrences are referenced. I am startled when I see and fail to recognize pictures of him with beard, and only figure it out because galaneia is in the picture as well.
It bemuses me when I take a look at that part of me which is no good at settling, which needs things to be not just good enough, but _good_, and it's calm. I don't know what to do with that, really, and one some level it kind of scares me. I'm not used to it being quiet when it's not only because I'm too depressed to hear it. But I don't think that is why. I still want to travel, _ache_ to travel, and explore. I'm just not being driven to find where I fit anymore.
There's absolutely stutters and complications around getting to know people and figuring out living space and such. There's periodic reminders where I remember that I _haven't_ known eithermetahacker or galaneia that long, and need to add in new information to adjust my default expectations & behaviors appropriately. And we do all periodically step on each other's tomato patches [1] (often at the same time) and need to recover from that. This is part of being human, really. And living together and being close and caring about people.
I don't have enough words to put around and with how, why, and how much I lovemetahacker. Nor how much of a delight it is to continue to get to know galaneia better and to count her among my close friends. All I can say is that both statements are true, and important.
[1] From alt.polyamory, a phrase I like much better than stepping in people's mental mine fields. This is probably a decent sample of why I find it a useful metaphor.
As an example of the tired, it's taken me until today to actually get around to mentioning that
metahacker and I have been dating 2 years last Sunday. And I've been living with him, galaneia, and hfcougar for 7 months.It feels longer, it feels shorter, it feels not long enough. We're learning how to share living space, to remember to check in and see how things are, both of us, the three of us, the whole household. I keep being perplexed that I did not know him, or him and
galaneia, or galaneia when past occurrences are referenced. I am startled when I see and fail to recognize pictures of him with beard, and only figure it out because galaneia is in the picture as well.It bemuses me when I take a look at that part of me which is no good at settling, which needs things to be not just good enough, but _good_, and it's calm. I don't know what to do with that, really, and one some level it kind of scares me. I'm not used to it being quiet when it's not only because I'm too depressed to hear it. But I don't think that is why. I still want to travel, _ache_ to travel, and explore. I'm just not being driven to find where I fit anymore.
There's absolutely stutters and complications around getting to know people and figuring out living space and such. There's periodic reminders where I remember that I _haven't_ known either
metahacker or galaneia that long, and need to add in new information to adjust my default expectations & behaviors appropriately. And we do all periodically step on each other's tomato patches [1] (often at the same time) and need to recover from that. This is part of being human, really. And living together and being close and caring about people.I don't have enough words to put around and with how, why, and how much I love
metahacker. Nor how much of a delight it is to continue to get to know galaneia better and to count her among my close friends. All I can say is that both statements are true, and important.[1] From alt.polyamory, a phrase I like much better than stepping in people's mental mine fields. This is probably a decent sample of why I find it a useful metaphor.
