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Anger, depression, musings
Oct. 29th, 2009 11:53 amThis post has been percolating for a while, largely because winter is making itself known in my mood.
( and so I contemplate )
( and so I contemplate )
Health.sleep, health.headaches
Aug. 22nd, 2009 04:34 pmSometimes headaches are very strange things. The ones I get when I sleep poorly are the strangest I ever get. They pretend to be sinuses, but migrane meds are the only thing that touches them.
Today, though, the pain was confusing and not only pain. True, there's pain, and a lot of it. But there's also... A discomnnect between my eyes and my brain, completely screwing with my hand-eye coordination and making reading actively difficult. It's like things simply are not where they appear to be.
If I weren't also light sensitive and in a fair bit of pain, this would be entertaining in its strangeness.
At least my mood has lifted from this morning's, many thanks to ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
metahacker.
Unintentional childhood lessons on not talking about things important to me have turned up in new and interesting ways relating to my difficulty with letting out negative emotions.
I do, now, reasonably with speaking up when things are being problematic for me, and not letting them fester in that particular way.
OK, I suppose the 'speaking up' previously mentioned is actually more frequently emailing. At least it's not always emailing anymore! I think it's usually due to processing delays. I'm not sure if it's also because it's easier to keep typing when crying (as I do when frustrated, as well as upset/sad/hurt), because it's another form of distance, or... dunno. Not clear if it has a direct effect on either my distancing.
I do _not_, however, do a very good job at actually letting myself experience the emotions, nor - as I've come to realize - getting past the workaround I set up so that I _could_ successfully communicate problems aloud, where so as to not cry I distance myself from it enough to stay able to talk (note: only recently a thing I was consciously aware of doing).
While yes, this is a useful workaround so as to prevent not talking about things at all and allow me to explain things, I am still missing the step past that one, where the issues are known to be understood and thus I stop distancing myself from the emotional reaction to them while trying to discuss/comprehend/work through/with them. Because even if the problems are explained and understood, whether or not they are things which can be prevented (some can, some cannot), there is still going to be a pile of emotional reaction there that I will need to let myself feel and work through. Both on my own, and with anyone else involved who is trying to work through it with me.
Distancing in that case? No longer helpful. Hurtful, because it can easily parse as distancing from anyone trying to talk with you about it, apologize for any part in it, and/or help heal the wound (in you, in them, in any relevent relationship(s)).
So clearly I have a new Thing to Work On. On the plus side, I have enough brain to see that it's there to work on, and am likely to be able to do so. Slowly. With help.
I do, now, reasonably with speaking up when things are being problematic for me, and not letting them fester in that particular way.
OK, I suppose the 'speaking up' previously mentioned is actually more frequently emailing. At least it's not always emailing anymore! I think it's usually due to processing delays. I'm not sure if it's also because it's easier to keep typing when crying (as I do when frustrated, as well as upset/sad/hurt), because it's another form of distance, or... dunno. Not clear if it has a direct effect on either my distancing.
I do _not_, however, do a very good job at actually letting myself experience the emotions, nor - as I've come to realize - getting past the workaround I set up so that I _could_ successfully communicate problems aloud, where so as to not cry I distance myself from it enough to stay able to talk (note: only recently a thing I was consciously aware of doing).
While yes, this is a useful workaround so as to prevent not talking about things at all and allow me to explain things, I am still missing the step past that one, where the issues are known to be understood and thus I stop distancing myself from the emotional reaction to them while trying to discuss/comprehend/work through/with them. Because even if the problems are explained and understood, whether or not they are things which can be prevented (some can, some cannot), there is still going to be a pile of emotional reaction there that I will need to let myself feel and work through. Both on my own, and with anyone else involved who is trying to work through it with me.
Distancing in that case? No longer helpful. Hurtful, because it can easily parse as distancing from anyone trying to talk with you about it, apologize for any part in it, and/or help heal the wound (in you, in them, in any relevent relationship(s)).
So clearly I have a new Thing to Work On. On the plus side, I have enough brain to see that it's there to work on, and am likely to be able to do so. Slowly. With help.
Unintentional childhood lessons on not talking about things important to me have turned up in new and interesting ways relating to my difficulty with letting out negative emotions.
I do, now, reasonably with speaking up when things are being problematic for me, and not letting them fester in that particular way.
OK, I suppose the 'speaking up' previously mentioned is actually more frequently emailing. At least it's not always emailing anymore! I think it's usually due to processing delays. I'm not sure if it's also because it's easier to keep typing when crying (as I do when frustrated, as well as upset/sad/hurt), because it's another form of distance, or... dunno. Not clear if it has a direct effect on either my distancing.
I do _not_, however, do a very good job at actually letting myself experience the emotions, nor - as I've come to realize - getting past the workaround I set up so that I _could_ successfully communicate problems aloud, where so as to not cry I distance myself from it enough to stay able to talk (note: only recently a thing I was consciously aware of doing).
While yes, this is a useful workaround so as to prevent not talking about things at all and allow me to explain things, I am still missing the step past that one, where the issues are known to be understood and thus I stop distancing myself from the emotional reaction to them while trying to discuss/comprehend/work through/with them. Because even if the problems are explained and understood, whether or not they are things which can be prevented (some can, some cannot), there is still going to be a pile of emotional reaction there that I will need to let myself feel and work through. Both on my own, and with anyone else involved who is trying to work through it with me.
Distancing in that case? No longer helpful. Hurtful, because it can easily parse as distancing from anyone trying to talk with you about it, apologize for any part in it, and/or help heal the wound (in you, in them, in any relevent relationship(s)).
So clearly I have a new Thing to Work On. On the plus side, I have enough brain to see that it's there to work on, and am likely to be able to do so. Slowly. With help.
I do, now, reasonably with speaking up when things are being problematic for me, and not letting them fester in that particular way.
OK, I suppose the 'speaking up' previously mentioned is actually more frequently emailing. At least it's not always emailing anymore! I think it's usually due to processing delays. I'm not sure if it's also because it's easier to keep typing when crying (as I do when frustrated, as well as upset/sad/hurt), because it's another form of distance, or... dunno. Not clear if it has a direct effect on either my distancing.
I do _not_, however, do a very good job at actually letting myself experience the emotions, nor - as I've come to realize - getting past the workaround I set up so that I _could_ successfully communicate problems aloud, where so as to not cry I distance myself from it enough to stay able to talk (note: only recently a thing I was consciously aware of doing).
While yes, this is a useful workaround so as to prevent not talking about things at all and allow me to explain things, I am still missing the step past that one, where the issues are known to be understood and thus I stop distancing myself from the emotional reaction to them while trying to discuss/comprehend/work through/with them. Because even if the problems are explained and understood, whether or not they are things which can be prevented (some can, some cannot), there is still going to be a pile of emotional reaction there that I will need to let myself feel and work through. Both on my own, and with anyone else involved who is trying to work through it with me.
Distancing in that case? No longer helpful. Hurtful, because it can easily parse as distancing from anyone trying to talk with you about it, apologize for any part in it, and/or help heal the wound (in you, in them, in any relevent relationship(s)).
So clearly I have a new Thing to Work On. On the plus side, I have enough brain to see that it's there to work on, and am likely to be able to do so. Slowly. With help.
While a massively long one at 4200 words, this post covers in detail the mastery of your emotions – how to face insecurity, sadness, fear, doubt, anger, and all the other emotions. It will also cover how to purge the built up energies, and the most common forms of repression and denial. Imagine mastering your negative emotions, ranging from insecurity and doubt to rage, ever again!, from http://www.urbanmonk.net/
[edit: read the next three in the series, too! edit: Which are not easy to find! So: Two, Three, Four]
Lowell, MA Summer of music - among other things, Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, and Lowell Folk Festival.
[edit: read the next three in the series, too! edit: Which are not easy to find! So: Two, Three, Four]
Lowell, MA Summer of music - among other things, Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, and Lowell Folk Festival.
While a massively long one at 4200 words, this post covers in detail the mastery of your emotions – how to face insecurity, sadness, fear, doubt, anger, and all the other emotions. It will also cover how to purge the built up energies, and the most common forms of repression and denial. Imagine mastering your negative emotions, ranging from insecurity and doubt to rage, ever again!, from http://www.urbanmonk.net/
[edit: read the next three in the series, too! edit: Which are not easy to find! So: Two, Three, Four]
Lowell, MA Summer of music - among other things, Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, and Lowell Folk Festival.
[edit: read the next three in the series, too! edit: Which are not easy to find! So: Two, Three, Four]
Lowell, MA Summer of music - among other things, Indigo Girls, Arlo Guthrie, and Lowell Folk Festival.
complaint-free?
Apr. 30th, 2008 09:28 amVia starandrea, A Complaint-Free World.
I don't actually have any idea how often I complain, nor where the line is between saying things because they are true but possibly so often it's a complaint (even if it's because I'm failing to consciously notice that there is something bothering me, and that's why I keep saying it). So this could be interesting. (so could wearing it when driving or on the computer, what with my wrist things getting in the way)
I'm getting 5, so I can give one to some local people, if wanted.
starandrea, A Complaint-Free World.I don't actually have any idea how often I complain, nor where the line is between saying things because they are true but possibly so often it's a complaint (even if it's because I'm failing to consciously notice that there is something bothering me, and that's why I keep saying it). So this could be interesting. (so could wearing it when driving or on the computer, what with my wrist things getting in the way)
I'm getting 5, so I can give one to some local people, if wanted.
complaint-free?
Apr. 30th, 2008 09:28 amVia starandrea, A Complaint-Free World.
I don't actually have any idea how often I complain, nor where the line is between saying things because they are true but possibly so often it's a complaint (even if it's because I'm failing to consciously notice that there is something bothering me, and that's why I keep saying it). So this could be interesting. (so could wearing it when driving or on the computer, what with my wrist things getting in the way)
I'm getting 5, so I can give one to some local people, if wanted.
starandrea, A Complaint-Free World.I don't actually have any idea how often I complain, nor where the line is between saying things because they are true but possibly so often it's a complaint (even if it's because I'm failing to consciously notice that there is something bothering me, and that's why I keep saying it). So this could be interesting. (so could wearing it when driving or on the computer, what with my wrist things getting in the way)
I'm getting 5, so I can give one to some local people, if wanted.
