[gift, ceilings, and brains.expectations]
Feb. 9th, 2005 08:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxI have a fuzzy frog which will go with me to work for petability purposes, and two magnetic monkeys which will live on my fridge. *pleased*
Mopping a ceiling is an odd experience. But now my office ought to stop smelling of mold and mildew.
I dislike being reminded that I have a set of basic assumptions which can cause me significant problems if I'm in a compromised emotional or mental state (like this time of year). Especially considering the amount of work I've put into getting them to have less control over me and/or attempting to replace them with healthier expectations. They affect me far less (and with less frequency) than they used to, but every so often they feel the need to remind me that they are still around. Especially in February.
-I not only don't expect to be understood, but I expect to _not_ be understood - at least unless I put an _lot_ of effort into wording things. When I'm having major trouble with my thoughts into words and organizing them, this can be problematic. And can cause me to want to not try (and, depending on how good my communication with a person has been before this happens, can cause me to not try). (and means I can be really, really astonished when I _am_ understood) This probably relates, somehow, to my general expectation that I am different from everyone else, because if I were expecting everyone to be like me, I'd not need to put _nearly_ so many words around stuff (and, I note, I use far more short-cuts in spoken word, especially in-person). I think I might be ok if I just had no expectations about being understood or not, rather than expecting the negative.
-I expect to drive people away. By confusing them, by being too difficult to be around, by asking too much or being too needy, something. This... is especially insidious at a time of year when I don't _want_ people around a lot of the time. And I'm snappy and irritable. So people give me space. It's damnably difficult to convince myself, sometimes, that people are leaving me alone because I appear to (or even _said_ as much) want space, and therefore that much more difficult to get myself to re-initiate contact when I _do_ want interaction with people. It's way, way, way too easy for me to interpret lack of contact as lack of interest. Is why I'm relieved that more of the people I know are good at pinging me for hanging out purposes, or just to let me know they haven't forgotten about me while I was quiet and anti-social. Connection maintenance is really, really important for me, especially this time of year.
Huh. I thought there were more than two nasty things in my head, but they appear to condense into these two. Fascinating. I didn't realize that. Now if I could just figure out how to get them to stop coming back for a visit every year...
Mopping a ceiling is an odd experience. But now my office ought to stop smelling of mold and mildew.
I dislike being reminded that I have a set of basic assumptions which can cause me significant problems if I'm in a compromised emotional or mental state (like this time of year). Especially considering the amount of work I've put into getting them to have less control over me and/or attempting to replace them with healthier expectations. They affect me far less (and with less frequency) than they used to, but every so often they feel the need to remind me that they are still around. Especially in February.
-I not only don't expect to be understood, but I expect to _not_ be understood - at least unless I put an _lot_ of effort into wording things. When I'm having major trouble with my thoughts into words and organizing them, this can be problematic. And can cause me to want to not try (and, depending on how good my communication with a person has been before this happens, can cause me to not try). (and means I can be really, really astonished when I _am_ understood) This probably relates, somehow, to my general expectation that I am different from everyone else, because if I were expecting everyone to be like me, I'd not need to put _nearly_ so many words around stuff (and, I note, I use far more short-cuts in spoken word, especially in-person). I think I might be ok if I just had no expectations about being understood or not, rather than expecting the negative.
-I expect to drive people away. By confusing them, by being too difficult to be around, by asking too much or being too needy, something. This... is especially insidious at a time of year when I don't _want_ people around a lot of the time. And I'm snappy and irritable. So people give me space. It's damnably difficult to convince myself, sometimes, that people are leaving me alone because I appear to (or even _said_ as much) want space, and therefore that much more difficult to get myself to re-initiate contact when I _do_ want interaction with people. It's way, way, way too easy for me to interpret lack of contact as lack of interest. Is why I'm relieved that more of the people I know are good at pinging me for hanging out purposes, or just to let me know they haven't forgotten about me while I was quiet and anti-social. Connection maintenance is really, really important for me, especially this time of year.
Huh. I thought there were more than two nasty things in my head, but they appear to condense into these two. Fascinating. I didn't realize that. Now if I could just figure out how to get them to stop coming back for a visit every year...
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no subject
Date: 2005-02-10 03:02 am (UTC)I didn't know it before I'd spoken to you several times in person, but the degree that you communicate non-verbally is about three times as information dense as your verbal and written communications. There have been several times where after you have explained something to me, which made perfect sense, I couldn't recall the path of logic well enough to put it together again. I later figured out that this was because some of your points were made non-verbally which, while powerful in context, are difficult to remember later.
It's way, way, way too easy for me to interpret lack of contact as lack of interest.
Regarding me, lack of contact generally is more indicative of my shortage of time. You remain on my nifty list, which is why I keep coming up to visit. I've always assumed that if you wanted space that you'd tell me so. I'll continue to do so unless you advise me otherwise.
no subject
Date: 2005-02-10 03:23 pm (UTC)I didn't know it before I'd spoken to you several times in person, but the degree that you communicate non-verbally is about three times as information dense as your verbal and written communications.
Only if I'm talking to people who appear to have an ability to pick up on what I'm trying to say before I manage to actually say it. Speaking is _much_ more effortful for me than writing, and correspondingly I tend to have more trouble saying things I want to say. Having people who generally figure out what I mean decreases this problem significantly, and tends to make people easier for me to be around.
Also, I don't think anyone ever said this to me in these particular words. This is useful for me to think about. Especially considering how much I say I don't rely on non-verbal I/O. I guess it's that I don't unless people demonstrate an ability to know what I mean and/or are demonstrably easy for me to understand (and you have half that, since I have trouble reading you).
More generally, _words_ are not my natural method of thought. So when non-verbal works - which it does not always, since it's learned - it's much more useful.
lack of contact generally is more indicative of my shortage of time.
Yeah. No, you're good at pinging me with sufficient frequency, actually. And yes, I do tend to tell people when I need space, presuming I notice it before I need it. It is a safe assumption.