(no subject)

[wispfox]

Oh, good _gods_, I suddenly want touch.

And not just any touch. Touch where I'm not trying to heal someone or be healed. Touch where I don't have to think about whether or not they'll want the touch and/or have to ask for it, or whether or not there are areas I have to be careful about touching (ticklishness can be problematic). Comfy, non-thinking-required...

Gah.

[edit: it's actually fairly difficult for me to be comfortable enough to not think at all when cuddling with someone, and pretty much requires that they are both ridiculously comfy for me to be around _and_ are naturally very cuddly]

[another edit: non-thinking-required != not thinking. By that, I _really_ meant that I don't have to think about the cuddling itself in terms of being highly aware of where to not touch (for tickling reasons, mostly), whether or not the person really _wants_ to be touching for so long, etc...]

[yet another edit: cuddling, for me, implies that physical contact is being initiated by _both_ people, not only one. I need to feel like the other person is actively interested/involved in it, or it's not cuddling.]

Comments

Re: touch

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Hmm. That might be one of the few places I've seen where not being ticklish could be an advantage.

I understand about the non-needy touch want. I'm frequently desirous of more touch than I get; but that's just how our society is most of the time (at least for me). Good luck in fulfilling your want...

Re: touch

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

not being ticklish could be an advantage.

Not being ticklish is very much an advantage in my head - I learned how to turn it off at a _very_ young age. And most people I know who are ticklish don't like to be tickled. (most. Not all)

frequently desirous of more touch than I get

So am I. But for a while there I _was_ getting about my level of want and of the non-effortful varieety, which makes this more... noticable. I guess.

Re: touch

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

I know many who are ticklish but don't like being tickled. But being the sybarite that I am, I feel a bit of a lack when I can't play in tickle games. I just end up being more creative.

I should probably mention that in terms of getting the amount of touch that I want, yesterday was good. :) I just want more today...

As for the thinking part, I was somewhat ignoring that since I'm quite good at keeping my thoughts to myself. (Yes, I put myself in the postion of supplying such even though I'm a bit distant. I don't know how else to give my reactions. I don't know if that's a usual behaviour for most people or not.)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Non-thinking-required != thinking not allowed.

By that, I _really_ meant that I don't have to think about the cuddling itself in terms of being highly aware of where to not touch (for tickling reasons, mostly), whether or not the person really _wants_ to be touching for so long, etc...

Re: thinking / wants / touching

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Ah. that's good. I don't think I can really turn off my brain although I can make it not manifest.

Thanks for clarifying the not-thinking part. It makes much more sense now.

One of the reasons that I identify with ferrets is the amount that they play/lay/sleep together.

Re: thinking / wants / touching

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

don't think I can really turn off my brain

I mostly can't, although I _can_ go unable to speak and unable to word things.

It makes much more sense now.

Yeah. I should go clarify in the post itself. :)

Re: thinking / wants / touching

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

they play/lay/sleep together

Cuddlepile! *beams*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

also...

(Yes, I put myself in the postion of supplying such even though I'm a bit distant. I don't know how else to give my reactions. I don't know if that's a usual behaviour for most people or not.)

What?

Re: what?

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

That was a parenthetical comment that I'm not sure how to clarify. Let me try restating it and we'll see if that's a bit more clear.

As an aside, the way that I was able to figure out how to respond to your comments was by putting myself in the role of supplying the touch that you are seeking. I did with no expectations of fulfilling such in the near future due to you being a continent away.
Figuring out my reactions in this manner is something that I do regularly but I have no idea how common the behaviour is.

It was really a throwaway comment that is imminently ignorable.

Re: what?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Figuring out my reactions in this manner is something that I do regularly but I have no idea how common the behaviour is.

I do this. I think of things in terms of what if they happen regardless of if they actually are likely to happen soon or at all. So no worries.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

I'm probably not of use in this regard, being (a) the sort to giggle inanely with you, which doesn't lead to, yknow, being quiet, and (b) ticklish as all hell.

(It is possible to touch me without tickling me, it just takes knowing intent.)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

the sort to giggle inanely with you, which doesn't lead to, yknow, being quiet

*grins* True. But still fun! ;)

ticklish as all hell.

Yep.

For the most part, I don't _have_ good local outlets for this. Not to the extent that I want it to be effortless, because most of my social group _doesn't_ do the randomly touchy/cuddly stuff. At least not that I notice. Maybe it's just because I'm overly paranoid about annoying people with my more or less constantly wanting touch if I am being at all social, so I don't initiate enough to be aware of those who are and are not both really comfy for me _and_ as cuddle-friendly as I am. Not sure.

Meh. Missing...

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

For the most part, I'd actually like more physical contact in my life, of the general cuddly variety, but I dislike having nearly all physical contact requests be interpreted as being sexual, so I kind of don't bother asking anymore.  Kinda lonely way to be, but better'n being annoyed all the time.  :p

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

dislike having nearly all physical contact requests be interpreted as being sexual

Good lord, so would I! Yeesh. People!

Must remember to initiate cuddling the next time we're together long enough to do so. Yes. :) Speaking of which, I really should visit you sometime soon!

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

To be fair to People™, that thinking got into my brain at a younger age, and was probably affected by my general immaturity of social skills.  So, probably wasn't managing the communication well on my part.

Still, I've noticed that it continues to happen sometimes nowadays, so.  Not sure where to address this...

Perhaps with you visiting.  Hi!

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

I miss the times when I was part of a social group that did random touch - things like pilling lots of people on a couch or heads on stomachs while lying on the ground just because or greeting folks with scritches. I feel like I've lost something because the groups I interact with are not like that. I slowly lost the ability to be touchy-feely like that (partially through negative reactions from others, partly from misinterpretation of what suchness means - if I want to sleep with you, I assure you I'll let you know ;P), so initiating is not easy for me either anymore. I keep thinking that I want to redevelop it but I'm just not sure how. . .

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

pilling lots of people on a couch or heads on stomachs while lying on the ground just because or greeting folks with scritches.

This stuff _does_ happen in some of my social circles, but usually in large enough group things that I don't want to be there for the overwhelmingness of people.

I suspect part of my problem is simply that I'm still too _new_ to the vast majority of my social circle, so I'm not really sure where boundaries lie. And I tend strongly toward being overly cautious.

And I do have people who do this, but they are mostly scattered, sometimes _really_ far away.

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

I also tend towards cautious, the problem is if you establish an interaction as not-touch it'll tend to stay that way unless you specifically make it otherwise, which is pretty darn likely to lead to misinterpretation unless you make it extremely explicit, and what do you do if you don't know enough to be explicit about whether or not you want you might want to sleep with someone at some point? Arrrrg! (Pirate G in da house!)

The largest concentration of cuddle folks for me is on the other coast. Dammit, I want my bicoastal teleporter already! ;P

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

problem is if you establish an interaction as not-touch it'll tend to stay that way unless you specifically make it otherwise

I know. Although, I _do_ touch - but touch is different than cuddling is.

pretty darn likely to lead to misinterpretation unless you make it extremely explicit

Which I think I do a pretty decent job of, but it's often not worth the energy expenditure to explain, and to figure out who is at a point in my head that it's even worth attempting to explain, so I don't.

And... actually... I think that the comment about people assuming much when one simply wants to be cuddly that ladytabitha mentioned is sufficiently accurate in my world as well that _that_ might be part of why I am so cautious, as well. It's entirely too effortful to figure out who won't jump to that conclusion, who likes cuddling enough to do it randomly, _and_ who I'm comfortable enough that it's something I want to be doing even when I'm not feeling strongly social (but not feeling anti-social).

Meh. Sometimes the fact that the really nifty/comfy people in my life are so damn scattered annoys the hell out of me.

I want my bicoastal teleporter already!

If you can have one of those, can I have a more generic one? Please? It'd not only let me visit the nifty people I don't see enough, but it'd completely remove the things that make me travel less often - the time it takes to _get_ places, and the discomfort thereof.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

bicoastal teleporter

Why settle for bicoastal? I want an omnilocation teleporter. Or innate teleporation. Yes. :D

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Innate teleportation. Oh, I _so_ want. Right now! Want!

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

I've been wanting that for years and years and years... *pouts* possibly a decade *uncertain* Comes from seeing that concept in many many sci-fi books/movies/tv shows, and not a few fantasy media.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

most of my social group _doesn't_ do the randomly touchy/cuddly stuff

:P at them

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*shrug* As I think I said later, that may just be me not wanting to confuse people and/or give them things to misinterpret, and not the social group at all.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

*nods* There are some people that are good friends, but are eminently not cuddley. Among them many guys... *muses*

I am far more comfortable touching females of any age, or guys much much younger than me than guys my own age. Guys older than me... that's rather unlikely too. *muses* The interpretation is very important.

[regyt.livejournal.com]

I'd offer, you know. I am not even remotely ticklish, and I like quiet touching time, and I can tell you now that you don't have to ask again if I am cuddleable. But having only met you once, I suspect I don't fall into the category of people you're that comfortable with, unfortunately.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

you don't have to ask again if I am cuddleable

Noted. And for the info, thank you.

having only met you once, I suspect I don't fall into the category of people you're that comfortable with, unfortunately.

I think you could get there, though. And it's less about only having met once than about only having met once for fairly briefly in a really crowded location. :)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Wish I was there....

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Yes...

[carocrow.livejournal.com]

Kitten Pile!

My life has been so inordinately busy and complicated lately; I could use that sort of generic fluffy petting my own self. *pout* That is something that is rare and hard to find in New England, a cuddle buddy. Heck, many of the people I met up here don't even know how to *hug* properly, it's all cheek touch, air kisses and A-Frame.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

don't even know how to *hug* properly, it's all cheek touch, air kisses and A-Frame.

OK, my social group isn't _this_ bad. Reasonable hugs are normal/common, at least.

And, I grew up in New England, mostly, which might be why I _am_ so damn cautious about this kind of thing. Not sure.

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

ack! wish i could help with this!

p'raps a visit with volta? if he's free?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

He's not quite sufficiently low effort for me, because I have (and basically always have had) difficulty reading him. He's wonderful and I love having him as a friend, but he doesn't fit the category I'm currently wanting.

(and, I _am_ seeing him Thursday night)

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* mmkay.

[ian-gunn.livejournal.com]

I will cheerfully offer cuddles should we ever become close enough friends. I have the typical New England reserve mentioned though. I can suppress my tickle response if desired but I prefer not to ;)

[bluepapercup]

Not nesc. my place to offer, but should you ever want calming, no-stress, non-ticklish cuddles, I'd be happy to oblige.

But I suppose that we don't really know each other well enough for that?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

But I suppose that we don't really know each other well enough for that?

For cuddling of a good kind, we do. And noted and appreciated and will keep it in mind when I want less... specific kinds of cuddling. (this information is likely to be more applicable for me come wintertime, FYI)

[bluepapercup]

this information is likely to be more applicable for me come wintertime, FYI

*nod* I radiate well.

And thank you. I'm flattered and pleased to know that I'm able to be trusted/liked enough by you to have a place in the spectrum of people you might want to share touch with.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Mew.

I think the ... ease of touch, the ... absence of intrusive monitoring during such, was a lot of what I was thinking of with my various comments re. "this does *not* seem like only [2 weeks | 3 months]".

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Mew!

I think the ... ease of touch, the ... absence of intrusive monitoring during such, was a lot of what I was thinking of with my various comments re. "this does *not* seem like only [2 weeks | 3 months]".

Yes. But I get a stronger and stronger feeling that that ease of touch has much less to do with time (for me) than with _rightness_. Thus my usual comments in reply to your comments being 'Yeah, but I _do_ that'.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

ease of touch has much less to do with time (for me) than with _rightness_

*nods emphatically*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*chuckles* Yeah, methinks I definitely need to have met you. (odd tense, that, but meeting people even if only once really _does_ make a huge difference)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Yes... but my experience has usually been that that "rightness" is something that doesn't happen so quickly - when it does happen, it happens later in the scheme of things.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

my experience has usually been that that "rightness" is something that doesn't happen so quickly - when it does happen, it happens later in the scheme of things.

*ponders*

If I let myself/am comfortable with the person enough and/or think the other person is comfortable with it, I tend to move rather startlingly quickly in terms of casual touch with people. So...

At least in terms of casual physical contact with people, if the "rightness" is there, it'll be there early on, and I'll tend to act on it pretty early on.

But then, I'm also _much_ more prone to casual physical contact with friends-who-are-not-lovers than you are, IIRC. Which probably tends toward making me prone to having less time required for such. *shrug* Not sure. And probably doesn't particularly need all this investigatiion by me. ;)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I'm also _much_ more prone to casual physical contact with friends-who-are-not-lovers than you are, IIRC

Yes, that's probably it.

[trustme2.livejournal.com]

I'm very sorry I missed Working Group. I would gladly have offered extra hugs and closeness. With me not being the best at communication, you may not know that you were one of the reasons I joined in the first place.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

you may not know that you were one of the reasons I joined in the first place.

I... huh? No, I did _not_ know that!

*startled*

That said, it turns out that I was looking for _really_ specific kinds of cuddling. Not, of course, that touch _not_ of that type is bad. :)

[jirikido.livejournal.com]

well i'm sorta known for lots of gentle huggles and cuddles but i grew up in Canada. you can just sorta sink in if you like :). but, i also tend to purr a lot hehe.