Need, want, something else entirely
May. 19th, 2004 06:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxThe word 'need' implies vital for one's survival, to me. The word 'want' implies that it'd be nice, but one would be ok either way.
I want a word to describe the difference in experience between simply surviving, and thriving. The difference between something to feed my physical self, and those things which feed my spirit. I can't think of things which help me thrive, which feed my spirit, as simply 'wants'. But, technically, neither are they needs. So what _are_ they?
I certainly run into them often enough, especially in the wintertime. So a word would be nice...
What word would one use to describe those people in one's life from whom one derives nurishment, who encourage one to grow, to discover, to improve, to learn, to become more one's self? With whom conversations are not only pleasant, but a delight, a source of joy, and something sorely missed when they are gone?
No, I don't _need_ anyone. That's not a burden I ever want to put onto another person, if I have any choice in the matter. Largely, I'm sure, because it's not a burden I _want_ - it's enough effort to take care of myself and my own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
But... there are certainly people in my life for whom their presense, the ability to talk to them, are more than simply 'wants'. Some of these can be described as friendships, some of them are deeper than that. But I want a word to describe their importance in my life without implying that I cannot survive without them. I _can_, just not happily. And not as well. For, without them, I am missing whatever nurishment they were giving me.
There is a word missing for this concept, and I want it! (yes, I _did_ have this verbalize itself on the way home tonight, and while I was writing this. Can anyone tell? :)
I want a word to describe the difference in experience between simply surviving, and thriving. The difference between something to feed my physical self, and those things which feed my spirit. I can't think of things which help me thrive, which feed my spirit, as simply 'wants'. But, technically, neither are they needs. So what _are_ they?
I certainly run into them often enough, especially in the wintertime. So a word would be nice...
What word would one use to describe those people in one's life from whom one derives nurishment, who encourage one to grow, to discover, to improve, to learn, to become more one's self? With whom conversations are not only pleasant, but a delight, a source of joy, and something sorely missed when they are gone?
No, I don't _need_ anyone. That's not a burden I ever want to put onto another person, if I have any choice in the matter. Largely, I'm sure, because it's not a burden I _want_ - it's enough effort to take care of myself and my own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.
But... there are certainly people in my life for whom their presense, the ability to talk to them, are more than simply 'wants'. Some of these can be described as friendships, some of them are deeper than that. But I want a word to describe their importance in my life without implying that I cannot survive without them. I _can_, just not happily. And not as well. For, without them, I am missing whatever nurishment they were giving me.
There is a word missing for this concept, and I want it! (yes, I _did_ have this verbalize itself on the way home tonight, and while I was writing this. Can anyone tell? :)
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no subject
Date: 2004-05-20 12:25 pm (UTC)in relationship terms, i tend to use a spectrum / more than one word...
"i need this in order to be ok / stay in the relationship"
"i need this in order to be happy with the relationship"
"i want this but will be ok in the rship without it"
"i want this but will still be happy in the rship without it"
Trying to be very clear about which variant I mean when i talk about something i want/need is an important thing for me.
On the flip side, i'm prone to saying "that doesn't make me happy but i'm ok with it", even though it's been clearly noted many times that that isn't strong enough language for my partners to take as seriously as i mean it. (about the strongest thing i say to partners is "that's not ok with me / i'm not ok with that", unless it's something really dramatic.)
interesting stuff to think about. and a good day for it :-/