Need, want, something else entirely

[wispfox]

The word 'need' implies vital for one's survival, to me. The word 'want' implies that it'd be nice, but one would be ok either way.

I want a word to describe the difference in experience between simply surviving, and thriving. The difference between something to feed my physical self, and those things which feed my spirit. I can't think of things which help me thrive, which feed my spirit, as simply 'wants'. But, technically, neither are they needs. So what _are_ they?

I certainly run into them often enough, especially in the wintertime. So a word would be nice...

What word would one use to describe those people in one's life from whom one derives nurishment, who encourage one to grow, to discover, to improve, to learn, to become more one's self? With whom conversations are not only pleasant, but a delight, a source of joy, and something sorely missed when they are gone?

No, I don't _need_ anyone. That's not a burden I ever want to put onto another person, if I have any choice in the matter. Largely, I'm sure, because it's not a burden I _want_ - it's enough effort to take care of myself and my own physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.

But... there are certainly people in my life for whom their presense, the ability to talk to them, are more than simply 'wants'. Some of these can be described as friendships, some of them are deeper than that. But I want a word to describe their importance in my life without implying that I cannot survive without them. I _can_, just not happily. And not as well. For, without them, I am missing whatever nurishment they were giving me.

There is a word missing for this concept, and I want it! (yes, I _did_ have this verbalize itself on the way home tonight, and while I was writing this. Can anyone tell? :)

Comments

A streetcar named....

[dragontdc.livejournal.com]

Although it may have a bit of psycho-sexual baggage, there's nothing wrong with the word "desire". It certainly implies a yearning feeling, with the anticipation of pleasure if it is fulfilled, and it has no imperative that anything dire should happen if it is *not* fulfilled.

I can desire the pleasure of someone's company, or desire to see a movie, or desire chocolate, or desire a better job or a more comfortable lifestyle.

That said, I think a lot more falls into the "need" category than most people realize. We tend to be short-term thinkers when we talk about needs. Certainly, a person can survive naked in solitary confinement on a diet of bread, water, and vitamins for years with proper medical attention. Long before physical death, though, the spirit will die. Not the soul, which is immortal, and perhaps not the mind, though one could hardly blame someone under those circumstances.

What is spirit? I say it's that part of the self that has a direct relationship with Life, the connection between who we are and what we experience. Spirit has needs, and denied those needs it dies. We often overlook our spiritual health, to the detriment of our physical and mental health. We are complex, interconnected systems, and you can't neglect maintenance on one part and expect the rest not to suffer.

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

I use the word "need" to mean "is essential to my well-being" -- so it covers that middle ground of things without which I wouldn't die, but also wouldn't be okay. To me, what this means is that I acknowledge that people come as whole packages and that "feeding" and taking care of the emotional/energetic/spiritual/whatever aspects of myself is just as important as taking care of my body. It took me a long time to get to deciding that was true, though, since it's a fairly strange idea to most of mainstream American culture! :)

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I call them "higher order needs" in the sense of Mazlow's Hierarchy of Needs (http://www.lifeworktransitions.com/exercises/part1/mazlow.html).

You're using the word "need" in the sense of what Mazlow describes as physiological needs. A lot of people do that. If you'd rather keep need in your vocabulary with that meaning, you might want to refer to the higher order needs as requirements.

[catya.livejournal.com]

i was gonna bring up maslow, he beat me to it :)

in relationship terms, i tend to use a spectrum / more than one word...

"i need this in order to be ok / stay in the relationship"
"i need this in order to be happy with the relationship"
"i want this but will be ok in the rship without it"
"i want this but will still be happy in the rship without it"

Trying to be very clear about which variant I mean when i talk about something i want/need is an important thing for me.

On the flip side, i'm prone to saying "that doesn't make me happy but i'm ok with it", even though it's been clearly noted many times that that isn't strong enough language for my partners to take as seriously as i mean it. (about the strongest thing i say to partners is "that's not ok with me / i'm not ok with that", unless it's something really dramatic.)

interesting stuff to think about. and a good day for it :-/

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

might want to refer to the higher order needs as requirements

Yeah. I think I like this idea. I don't know if I'll _remember_ it, though...

[sandhawke.livejournal.com]

Yeah, what they said. "Need" doesn't have to be (and doesn't always seem to be) nearly as strong as you're making it out to be.

[lisajulie.livejournal.com]

I agree with dragondtc that "desire"neatly splits the difference between "need" and "want".

But wcg has a valid point about Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Me, I try to keep it to the three-level of need/desire/want.

[rosefox]

How about "crave"? "long for"? "lust after"?

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

(Strongly) desire.  Desire doesn't have to be sexual in nature.