Other people awareness

[wispfox]

If you're wanting time to yourself, or wanting one-on-one time with someone, how aware are you of you of the presence of other people in your surroundings?

Does it matter if you're in an apartment, a house, outdoors?

Does it matter _why_ you want that time/space?


I used to be far more sensitive to this than I am now, most probably because I needed to learn reasonable privacy rules/habits/etc after moving out of a house with my family with 6 kids. When I first moved out after volta and I broke up ~6 years ago or so, I had never truly lived alone. Dorm rooms don't really count, although that was helpful in itself.

When I first moved out, I was _VERY_ aware of other people being around or not. This was both a good thing and a bad thing, as initially I had no roommate at all, other than a cat. It was a relief, because I hadn't even realized that part of my brain was _always_ listening for other people to start interacting with me, if they were around. But it was also very hard to go from the large family I grew up in to no one else in my living space at all.

This is part of how I first realized that I really do need people around, especially in winter when I am much less good about going places. But at the same time, and I _did not know this_, I need time to myself. To be quiet, to process recent events, to read, whatever.

I mostly no longer have my brain always expecting people to talk to me if they are around, largely - I think - because the people around me most of the time are aware that I will not hear the first thing they say, and may need to put in some effort to get my attention. Perhaps logically, having a space where I live - with roommates or sweeties or friends around - where I do _not_ have to always listen for someone trying to talk to me means that I am far more able to cope when someone _does_ want to. Even in winter. That part of my brain gets to rest.

I do still have part of my brain thinking that if there are people around, unless otherwise specified, _especially_ if they've not been around much, I should be interacting with them. Even if I need time to myself. Even if they seem to! I'm getting better at this one, too.

Interestingly, and I suspect that perhaps I am conflating a couple different needs here, if I really need time to myself, the best way to handle this is to go outside. Generally for a walk. Preferably in a natural setting. I cannot tell how much of this is that I need time in nature (I generally do!), and how much of this is actually needing time to myself where people are unlikely to be making demands on my time, since much of the time it's actually _not_ problematic to have company. Sometimes it is, though. This is rather problematic in wintertime, both because it happens more often (fewer resources due to seasonal depression), and because I really don't like going outside in freezing cold or trying to take a walk on ice or deep snow. Not if the point is the walk, and not that I need to do an errand. Although I have certainly combined the two often enough!

So it's fascinating. I need people. And I need not-people. And I need time with specific people, both in situations where I do not have reason to expect to be interrupted (but it is now true that having asked to not be interrupted is enough for me, even if people are around. I'm not sure how recent a change this is, but since I know I used to always expect that people would interact with me, it must _be_ a change), and in situations where interruptions are fine. And in situations with other people around as well. Variety of interactions, but time to ourselves, and time to myself. All necessary.

I cannot figure out how I coped without knowing much of this for most of my life. But then, I'm not entirely sure I did, since I was baffled by most people most of the time growing up!

Outdoors... I will tend to not mind saying hi to random people, even if I'm otherwise in a need to be by myself state, _if_ it's a low-stimulus situation. Say, walking in a park.

In apartments, I largely ignore other tenants, although this was definitely a learned skill. ANd sometimes I cannot do so, depending on noise levels.

In houses... I think the above about expressly asking to not be disturbed (closed doors mean this, in my head, regardless of which side of the door I'm on) is necessary, or I will be too aware of the other people. This is less clear to me, as I have not lived in a house since I was growing up, and the closest thing I did was with one other person.

I also think I wandered way far away from my original questions, but that's ok because I'm noodling anyway. :)