[brains] attraction, others'
Jul. 28th, 2005 02:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfox(I am amused to note a fair amount of discomfort with posting this, perhaps because I can still feel my younger self in the back of my mind, who was utterly astounded by people being attracted to me, when I first got into college.)
It's... oddly refreshing to have people I spend a fair amount of time with (usually, friends or potential friends) - which tends to imply at least some level of interest - tell me that they aren't (physically) attracted to me. Especially - but not solely - if they are people I have trouble reading. I don't know what to do with this, really. I mean, yes, were they people that I had strong attraction to, it'd suck, but I rarely have attraction to people without some sense that they are attracted as well. (Might be nearly never, at this point, unlike in high school, although I never _feel_ like I am certain about mutual attraction when it comes time to indicate it!) I am, however, much better at not being likely to think I'm attracted to someone because their attraction to me is strong. Shielding is _gooood_, m'kay?
I have to wonder how much this relates to - once I did start dating - the fact that there tended to be a majority, if not the entirety, of my friends (especially guys, so it's more likely to be that I'm being cautious about that possibility with guys than girls) who were crushing on me. Most likely, working as a waitress also had something to do with this. I'm sure another part is that it's just _tiring_ having part of my brain always trying to make sure I'm not giving confusing messages (with people I can read reasonably well or who I trust will speak up, this is less of a problem. Of course, with people I can read reasonably well, the likelihood of me being attracted goes from basically none to at least possible). I do also wonder if part of my obliviousness as far as noticing attraction and/or desire to act on it is just that I got tired of the exhausting effort needed to figure such things out purely from non-verbal communication. This is almost certainly at least part of why what I expect to happen has a major effect on what subtle things I will notice in the people I interact with. It helps me focus my awareness of other people's behavior.
Now, I note that I'm _not_ saying that I don't like it when friends or potential friends tell me when they _are_ attracted. Indeed, I prefer to know one way or another, if they are people I'm likely to spend a fair amount of time with. But, while knowing of attraction makes anything that would move from that knowledge possible, it also opens up the often awkward experience of trying to let people down clearly, but kindly. And knowing of _lack_ of attraction means I can turn off that part of me that is always trying to keep an eye out for potentially awkward situations, and not worry about it.
Does make me wonder how much easier my life would be if my body language skills were even vaguely useful (most of the in person information I get is through empathy and conversation and such, and not reliant on subtle non-verbal cues). Heh.
*sudden amusement* If you people start feeling a need to comment in order to clarify whether or not you are attracted to me, I will be simultaneously amused and weirded out. Just noting. ;) Mostly, because this is _not_ the right context for that! Generality, not specificity!
It's... oddly refreshing to have people I spend a fair amount of time with (usually, friends or potential friends) - which tends to imply at least some level of interest - tell me that they aren't (physically) attracted to me. Especially - but not solely - if they are people I have trouble reading. I don't know what to do with this, really. I mean, yes, were they people that I had strong attraction to, it'd suck, but I rarely have attraction to people without some sense that they are attracted as well. (Might be nearly never, at this point, unlike in high school, although I never _feel_ like I am certain about mutual attraction when it comes time to indicate it!) I am, however, much better at not being likely to think I'm attracted to someone because their attraction to me is strong. Shielding is _gooood_, m'kay?
I have to wonder how much this relates to - once I did start dating - the fact that there tended to be a majority, if not the entirety, of my friends (especially guys, so it's more likely to be that I'm being cautious about that possibility with guys than girls) who were crushing on me. Most likely, working as a waitress also had something to do with this. I'm sure another part is that it's just _tiring_ having part of my brain always trying to make sure I'm not giving confusing messages (with people I can read reasonably well or who I trust will speak up, this is less of a problem. Of course, with people I can read reasonably well, the likelihood of me being attracted goes from basically none to at least possible). I do also wonder if part of my obliviousness as far as noticing attraction and/or desire to act on it is just that I got tired of the exhausting effort needed to figure such things out purely from non-verbal communication. This is almost certainly at least part of why what I expect to happen has a major effect on what subtle things I will notice in the people I interact with. It helps me focus my awareness of other people's behavior.
Now, I note that I'm _not_ saying that I don't like it when friends or potential friends tell me when they _are_ attracted. Indeed, I prefer to know one way or another, if they are people I'm likely to spend a fair amount of time with. But, while knowing of attraction makes anything that would move from that knowledge possible, it also opens up the often awkward experience of trying to let people down clearly, but kindly. And knowing of _lack_ of attraction means I can turn off that part of me that is always trying to keep an eye out for potentially awkward situations, and not worry about it.
Does make me wonder how much easier my life would be if my body language skills were even vaguely useful (most of the in person information I get is through empathy and conversation and such, and not reliant on subtle non-verbal cues). Heh.
*sudden amusement* If you people start feeling a need to comment in order to clarify whether or not you are attracted to me, I will be simultaneously amused and weirded out. Just noting. ;) Mostly, because this is _not_ the right context for that! Generality, not specificity!
