[brains, social.relationships]

[wispfox]

(posting because I want it in writing for later reference, since I only just managed to put words around it)

I have trouble with being grouped socially if it's not obvious that there is awareness of the uniqueness of the individuals being grouped. Interpersonal examples of this include not seeming to care which person within said group one talks to or spends time with.

I kinda wonder if this relates at all to why I really don't like being a part of groups which are formed solely on a single attribute. (I tend to hang out on fringes of social groups in general, so I doubt it's the entire reason)

[edit: because you people want an example.

Something like an unexpected phone call, with the caller stating a lack of caring as to which of the residents they talk to. No matter who the caller is, or why they called, that'll make me immediately not want to talk to them.]

Comments

[ms-violet.livejournal.com]

I hate that stuff too. My new workplace seems overly divided by gender and age, but not by actual interest. All the "boys" have too much sports paraphrenalia on their desks. All the "girls" have sorority pictures and wedding pictures on their desks.

I plan on decorating my desk with Legos. Lots and lots of legos.

[3smallishmagi.livejournal.com]

Can you give real examples? The made up examples I can think of are "You won a prize! Your prize is an evening with one of the miss world finalists." or "Anyone want to go hiking with me this weekend?" or the primorial feminist button: "I'd sleep with her!" upon seeing a photo. Or "Oh! You're one of the psinging people. Neat!" or "The Slashdot crowd." or ...

I saw Superman II last weekend. It was wonderful. I'd recommend seeing it if you're interested in {historical anthropology?} Watching five minutes of it, you could date it quite well (I guessed 1979 instead of 1980.) It was one of those movies with little social sophistication and so played the current social stereotypes exactly. silenceleigh would not come in to the room while it was still playing.

I wonder if that's at all related.

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Yeah, yeah. All 20-somethings in the Boston area think that way!

(Ducks and runs)

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

I'll take what I can get, I think. If I fit into a group, and someone wishes to hang out with me as a member of it... well, it's not like I have much of anyone lining up to hang out with the unique and personal me.

[psongster.livejournal.com]

I'm curious about examples too.

I think I'm fairly frequently in the mode of not caring much which members of a group I talk with, especially when I'm in host mode.

Take Thanksgiving, for example ... I like everybody there, and wanted to connect with each of them over the course of the evening, but the precise order didn't matter to me. As host, I focused more on keeping the group dynamics going smoothly, and on reaching out to someone if they seemed to feel a touch anxious or disconnected -- but motivated more by their/the group's need than by my personal preference.

Is this related to what you mean?

[the-xtina.livejournal.com]

Possible thing:

When someone is interested in me not as Xtina, and not as "We have common connection $thing, let's find out more!", but more like "We have common connection $thing, clearly we are friends!".

I dunno, that's always put me off.  (I haven't had a land line in ages and ages, so I don't have your example experience.)  Someone encountering me as, say, part of the poly crowd and assuming that of course I'll like them/agree with them/whatever because I'm Poly annoys me.  They're not seeing me, they're seeing a pseudopod of a group.  Brilliant.