[schmoop] Look! Random schmoop attack, involving multiple people!

[wispfox]

starandrea's post makes me intensely happy.

So does the fact that I'll be seeing her this weekend. Her _AND_ ladytabitha.

So does the fact that I let myself be sappy, and share things that seem trivial and yet important to me, far more often than I used to. Perhaps because I never got what felt like the right responses when I did. So getting the 'right' responses makes me more likely to do it.

Took me until Psinging until I found people who had what I considered the 'right' response to 'Magic', for example. I learned that song when I was somewhere around 12, I think. And I'd tried to share it before, with no comprehension on other people's parts. That was always sad. And painful.

It makes me happy to know that knowing me can improve people's communication skills.

I like that I can get over fear and shyness to tell people things that they need to know of the things in my head, when I know them. Like that I'm in love with them. Even if it does make me want to hide, desperately (and, apparently, consistently).

It continues to make me happy when people request things of me that I want to do, but that I might not have thought to request. And it continues to make me happy when it's immediately obvious to me that people actively enjoy the things I might do, especially when they are touch-related.

I like that I'm ok with asking for seemingly trivial things which are important to me. Or simply doing things (usually touch-related), without worrying that I should ask first, or that it won't be appreciated or wanted. (or, if _not_ wanted right then, that they won't feel free to say so, or that they'll be snappy about it)

I like that my need for people to tell me things that relate to me when they are aware of them helps me feel a part of their lives. And cared for. And trusted. And loved.

I like that being pushy about things that are important to me are taken as signs of what is important to me, rather than a problem.

It amuses me that I still get randomly shy because of direct gazes, if there are other people around. (sometimes, sticking out my tongue is lack of a response, sometimes it's a response to cheeky people, and sometimes it is because I'm feeling self-conscious) I still like them, if I push through my embarrassment.

I like that I can trigger reminders of things like this. Because this, also, is one of those things which just feel 'right' to me.

Somehow, 'less than 6 months' is a much easier goal to be patient for than 6 months or more was.

And, somehow, tonight is ok. Then again, I think I recall that the night of the day after australian_joe leaves is the hardest. That, or much as I less and less _want_ to say goodbye, I'm getting better at coping with it.

I love, I'm loved, and apparently I feel like drowning you all in schmoop. And it makes me very happy that many of the things I've said apply to multiple people in my life.

Now, for a shower, kitty cuddling, and sleep.

Comments

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

Yay schmoop!