[missing of people]

[wispfox]

It is, I note, remarkably difficult for me to compare how much I miss someone _now_ vs have missed them in the past. Why _is_ that?

Was attempting to determine if I actually do find it harder when australian_joe leaves in winter vs. in summer. I think, actually, what happens is that it hits me _much_ harder in winter (emotional fucked-upness, and all), but my awareness of everything (including my time sense) is terrible in winter, so I also recover more quickly.

Mostly, I think, it's because I'm less good at keeping track of how recently anything has happened in winter. I _really_ get into 'now is always' states in winter. Also makes winter feel like it lasts forever and ever (and ever!). I wonder what sort of fascinating effect being in the other hemisphere next Feb will have on that?

Annoyingly, my 'avoiding thinking about this to let it chill out' thing right now is new-apartment-oriented. And I need to wait until I've finished with carpet cleaning stuff before I can really move much in earnest.

(I also hope coping with him leaving gets easier, eventually. Not particularly convinced that it _will_, mind)

I _do_, however, think the additional solidity to my sense of him from his Feb visit has helped, overall, with lack of in-person interaction with him (both immediately after he leaves and in terms of increasing the time from his last visit to when I start losing sense of him enough for it to be a timeout problem).

Comments

[lediva.livejournal.com]

If ever he should leave you, it shouldn't be in summer.

Or at least, so sayeth Lerner and Lowe.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Sayeth who? For that matter, why do they say that?

(I suspect, overall, summer is easier on me for partings, but that the visits themselves are significantly more useful to me in winter because winter depression stuff is easier for me with sufficient touch. As well, summer is when I'm more cheery, for the large part)

Also, since leaving _will_ happen, being an LDR whose state is unlikely to change, it's not a question of 'if'. :)

[lediva.livejournal.com]

It's a reference to the song "If Ever I Would Leave You", from the Broadway musical Camelot, written by Lerner and Lowe.

Just being silly, don't mind me. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Aaaaah.

See, making references to things I don't know makes it difficult to tell that you are being silly. ;)

(also, I'm vaguely grumpy because I'm cold and tired and want to not _be_ here)

[lediva.livejournal.com]

Aww. I still have movies. And now I have DVR's warm glowing warming glow. :)

Also, apologies. I should not assume that everybody knows Broadway musicals. I blame my time hanging around the BGLTSA in college. I think I picked that stuff up through osmosis.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Heh. Apologies not needed. I don't get most references, regardless of whether or not I am familiar with the source. :)

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

Do you have the same difficulty comparing other kinds of feelings to similar ones you've had in the past, or is it just the feeling of missing people that you have trouble remembering?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hmm.

I think... but am not sure... that I tend to have trouble seeing current strong emotions in a sufficiently abstract manner to be able to compare them rationally with previous strong emotions of that type. Current almost always feels strongest, especially with unpleasant ones.

Hmm! Good question. Thanks!

[vvvexation.livejournal.com]

*nod* I immediately thought of that because I have the same difficulty, though I'm not sure if it's because I have trouble being objective about my current emotions; I suspect it may be that I just have trouble remembering my past emotions in any detail at all. Sometimes I read back a ways in my private journal and am really surprised to find that I was having the same feeling a year and a half ago that I'm having now.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I think I only have this if the two emotion sets are both similar and similar in intensity. I mean, I could certainly tell that this past winter was _much_ less bad than last, for example, as far as my depressive state.

But yes, I do have trouble being objective about current emotion. I think I have a decent memory of emotion, though, once I manage to figure out how to get objective enough about current state.