[people.social]

[wispfox]

I like an awful lot of people. I begin to think that might be 'too many', at least based on my current (past few years) social needs and tendencies.

I find myself saying that I have mild interest[1] in lots of people, but there are very few people I have strong interest in. In every single case of strong interest, there has been a fair amount of in-person interaction over a fairly brief period of time.

This appears to be necessary to remain real in my head, and also appears necessary to be anything more than someone I would eventually like to get to know better. This is especially important when it's wintertime and I'm mostly not social, because I tend to not think to ping people who have lost reality in my head. It is not, however (as is probably obvious), sufficient for strong interest creation. 'Lots of time' != 'someone I am drawn to spending time with'.

I note this most especially with local people, possibly because it's easier to meet local people. And possibly because non-local means I tend to spend longer periods of time with people when in the same location, and I have to pick and choose _who_ to spend time with more carefully.

I think I may need to take a good look at who I actively want to spend time with, as well as who I seem to have an insufficiently strong pull toward to want to see them in non-group contexts. Of course, I appear to be less and less interested in group activities as time passes. Gotta wonder how much of this is due to being insufficiently careful about who I see in non-group activities... Starting to think that people who I'm neutral on would be better in the 'people I see in groups' category, rather than the 'sure, I'll hang out if asked' category, so as to lose less energy in individual interactions, and have more available for groups.

It is so very annoying being simultaneously extro- and introverted. Because half of me is like 'but! Nifty, interesting people!', and the other is like 'ok, too many people. Most of whom I have little draw toward'. Bah.

I do have to wonder how much of this relates to my difficulty with social interaction in the winter, where it's much more useful for people to visit me. So visiting me, even if someone isn't likely to be terribly useful for me in a low energy state, is still better than nothing...

Bah. I think on this for a while. So very strange to need to adjust to current state of socialness; I never used to know this many nifty people, so I didn't really _need_ to pick and choose so much. So my habits aren't really there yet.

[1] In this particular case, as I tend to need friendship before any other kind of interest, I'm mostly referring to a sufficiently strong interest in a friendship with someone to actively pursue one.


edit: I appear to have forgotten to make an important point. I _do_ still intend to seek out people whose 'do they draw me?' status is not known, especially if I've never met them or spent enough time directly interacting with them. Drawing me appears to be _entirely_ in-person interaction based, although online interaction will help with initial difficulty noticing/remembering people. I also intend to seek out people who are in the 'possibly draw me' category, where I don't yet _know_.

(actually, people who are entirely unknown will continue to be relatively infrequent for intentional one-on-one interaction, as they are highest energy requirement; and mostly during non-winter times. People who are potentially drawing for me will be a bit less infrequent)

Comments

[mawddwy.livejournal.com]

It is so very annoying being simultaneously extro- and introverted. Because half of me is like 'but! Nifty, interesting people!', and the other is like 'ok, too many people. Most of whom I have little draw toward'. Bah.

I relate to that.

Are you going to Utec this Friday?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Not this one, no. Next one!

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

*wryg* I have similar issues (especially being both introverted and extroverted), but I've never been able to put it as well as this. I would like to meet you at some point and see if these vague occational pings of nifty similarity have actual meaning, but I'm willing to wait and see if we drift into each other's social spaces at some point or suchness.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I would like to meet you at some point and see if these vague occational pings of nifty similarity have actual meaning, but I'm willing to wait and see if we drift into each other's social spaces at some point or suchness.

Modified my post to reflect my continued willingness to intentionally meet people I've never met, as well as to intentionally interact with people who I can't yet tell if they draw me or not.

I think... part of this is that, somehow, people who don't draw me are in a similar category as people I've never met, as far as energy requirements. So there's a similar energy level requirement, but with people I don't know (possibly well enough), there is possibility that they _will_ draw me.

So, yeah. I'm perfectly willing to attempt to schedule time to meet you (although, at least on brief recollection of my schedule, it can't be this month).

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

That would be nifty, since I've now managed to have dinner with your current housemate and all :). Mmm, I'm tempted to tell you to get in touch with me when you're not booked, but I don't know if that'd happen (no disparagement, I don't want to assume otherwise knowing how I usually end up dealing with such things). Send me e-mail at my LJ address and we can discuss it further?

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

I find myself being the same way lately, actually...

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I _totally_ had this thought while writing it. :)

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Ah! :)

It's weird for me. Less usual. I'm in the middle of the end of a cocooning phase.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Yeah. But I suspect that your meds/physical ailments have a similar introvert effect as my bizare brain chemistry (I suspect my reason is some combination of seasonal stuff and being on the autism spectrum), and you're still adjusting to that.

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Hm.

That could very well be the case; I hadn't thought of that.

Basically, my major cocooning is a result of

a) the Vidicon stuff last April and
b) the asshole assault last summer.

Mostly a), but b) sealed it.

But my meds could well be hindering my reopening as well.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*nod* Oh, I didn't intend to give the impression that I thought it was only that one thing; more that I figured that was probably a large part of it. It felt like it was related, you know? Being tired lots due to meds, and all...

[shadesong.livejournal.com]

Oh, I know. So many factors!

*snugglehug* Can't wait to see you. :)

[jojotbird.livejournal.com]

"Because half of me is like 'but! Nifty, interesting people!', and the other is like 'ok, too many people. Bah."

I definitely can relate to that statement. I really like hanging out with people, and meeting new people, but after a while I feel like I need to take a break and have more time to myself.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Indeed. And I think I'm doing too much of the 'new people' thing and not enough of the 'people I am drawn to' thing, as far as where my energy is going. People I am drawn to recharge me, especially since most (all?) of them tend to be cuddly, although sometimes they need a reminded that I _like_ cuddling.

(incidentally, I need to visit you and uberjay again at some point in the near future. Y'all seem like probably people who would be a draw, although I'm not yet certain of that)

[ruhr-dragon.livejournal.com]

Interesting issue. I feel the same way, though tend more towards being a hermit. I'm not shy, it just takes a lot of energy to make "small talk" and other assorted social lubricant. I hope and pray for at least a shared enthusiasm about food but if there isn't even that...? But that's probably a good self-selector anyway, since people who eat uncaringly tend not to make much emotional sense to me.

I recently placed a (platonic) personal ad elsewhere based around a shared activity or hobby. Figure if nothing else, the similar interest will make some of that initial interaction easier. But yeah, it takes energy regardless. I've had a tendency to be the first to put out energywise, sometimes too much, and I need to be more careful about that without completely closing off the world. Difficult balance.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, I note that I don't have much enthusiasm for food, and mostly have it as a 'ok, tired of being hungry now' thing. I do, however, have preferences for variety, freshness, and quality.

I hate small talk, actually. I mostly try to avoid it. I like talking about things that interest me, so sometimes what I talk about looks like small talk, but as I have actual enthusiasm and interest in the reply, it really isn't. Somehow, that made more sense in my head. :)

And indeed, very difficult balance...

[ruhr-dragon.livejournal.com]

Freshness, variety and quality is a very serious matter!

Can I guess here that you like Italian and/or Vietnamese cuisine? They exemplify not messing around too much with an ingredient's original form, and eating things at their best.

Things that interest one != small talk, no? I mean, we're talking about specific subjects as opposed to social noise you make with anyone, right? Especially the kind of noise required for people with very dissimilar interests and lives, like in an office setting or somesuch.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Vietnamese - yes. Italian depends because I don't generally like cream sauces (too heavy) and get tired of red sauce very quickly.

True, on the interest things not being small talk. I rarely do very well with actual small talk, as it confuses me. :)