[Seasonal Affective Disorder] It's started...

[wispfox]

Oh, indeed, the crappy time of year stuff has begun.

I know because I was cranky all day and didn't _notice_ until a co-worker commented that I was certainly acting like it was Monday.

And, well, it _is_ Monday, but that doesn't usually have a huge affect on my actions.

Snappy, oh yes. Low energy, check. Tired all day? Yep.

Gonna start using my lamp after I post this. And start being less generally social and work on getting more regular touch. And stuff. And be more aware of my internal state, since I need to have a _much_ better awareness than normal.

(Note: started != constant, yet. I will continue to have ups and downs, and probably will continue to forget that I have them during the up periods, because I forget every year, until Jan and Feb. Then, I'll have mostly downs but will _accept_ that fact. And then the ups and downs will reverse from mid March until May, when I should be mostly normal again)

*sigh*

Now I go sit in front of my light and read. And try to sleep earlier than I had been all weekend, since I can't imagine that was helping.

Comments

[yulecat.livejournal.com]

Heh - as I sit here by my full spectrum light, thinking to myself that as soon as I catch up on e-mail and friends' posts I'm going to make a post of my own about how I've noticed my winter blahs start to kick in over the past few days. Great minds think alike. ;)

Hang in there. And if we do end up at the same place at the same time at some point, you can have all the cuddlehuggletouchythingies you want from me. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

You're too far away! And I'm also not sure I know you well enough for that offer to be useful.

[yulecat.livejournal.com]

You're too far away!

I agree! :( That's why I said "if we happen to be in the same place at the same time...."

And I'm also not sure I know you well enough for that offer to be useful.

Fair enough. Offer still stands - and/or just get to know me better. ;)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Location: Understood. Still, my first reaction is that. Possibly because, as you live with echospiralheart, it reminds me that _she_ is too far away, too!

Offer: Noted. :)

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. You'll make it, hon.

I'm still riding high off my weekend, so the dark didn't bother me, but it was 6 and dark by the time I got out of work. *hugs*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

You'll make it, hon.

I know. I always do. Doesn't make it less unpleasant, though...

I'm still riding high off my weekend

Yeah! You were pretty damn chipper this weekend. Probably more so than I've ever seen you. Of course, I've not really seen that much of you. Me wonders if it's because you know you're leaving? :)

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Part of it is leaving, sure. But a big part of it was that I got energy done and had two really great evenings back-to-back. I felt really there, y'know? The way I want to feel all the time. I wasn't faking being happy, even a little. Memories of this weekend, both nights, are still making me smile. Which, given the weather for the last two days and the lack of sleep, is something I sorely need.

Hey, can you give me the website of the lamp, again?

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

http://www.sunnexbiotech.com/

And yay for good weekends. :) And for not faking happiness. I don't know you did that, actually.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Thank you! (Again)

And yeah, I do. Sometimes, it's a Fake-It-Till-You-Make-It thing. Other times, I don't want to be a bother. Still other times, I just want to hide it so that no one knows. This will likely become more and more the case as the month wears on, honestly.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Welcome. :)

See, I don't understand the idea of sticking around doing something you don't want to do.

I mean, if I'm generally down, it'll be hard finding things I _do_ want to do, but it's possible to find things I want to do _more_ than others.

No?

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. For me, it's about making other people happy. If I can't be happy, then at least I can help effect that in others, and knowing that I'm unahppy will be counter-productive.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hmm...

But anyone who knows you very well, or is empathic, will know both that you are _not_ really happy (like I said, I don't think I've ever seen you as happy as this past weekend), and possibly that you are pretending to be.

And how is _that_ good?

Making other people happy is fine, to a point. Making other people happy when it's making you unhappy (or more unhappy) is, IMO, beyond that point.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

It's an impulse thing: don't display unhappiness, don't uset the balance, keep on a happy face. Childhood lessons, y'know?

After a certain point I figure it's not worth it to fight the unhappiness, so I might as well try and make others happier, in spite of it. It may not be the most healthy impulse, but it's one of the most ingrained that I have.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

If I poke you about it when I notice you doing it, will it help?

Or not?

(It tends to help me _notice_ when I'm doing things that I'm trying to re-wire, thus the question)

This does assume I'd notice, and that we're in the same place at the same time, mind.

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

It does help, actually. I'd like that. (I'd also like being in the same time and place so that you can, even if you don't have to.)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

OK. Then I'll try to keep an eye on that, when I'm around you. We'll see how well I do. Esp with you wandering across country. ;)

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

I bet you'll do fine. I trust your intuition. Even across the country. I'll be unhappy at a party, and playing host to make sure everyone's okay, and I'll hear your voice in my head, telling me to cut that shit out. Maybe it's just that I hear voices, though.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*laughing* Well, I _do_ apparently invade people's heads, so you never know. ;)

Thing is, I tend to avoid most particularly taxing parties, so I don't know that I would be at a party in which you are likely to be having trouble.

Besides. What do I tell you? 'You're trying to hard. You might want to take a break or something?'?

[harlequinaide.livejournal.com]

Something like that. I know when I need one, sometimes it's nice to give myself persmission in someone else's voice, y'know? In my head, other people tend to be nicer to me than I am.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Gotcha. Mental note made. :)

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

Ah, the auto-smile... The INFP community talked about that a while back... :/