[touch]

[wispfox]

I'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.

Want touch.

Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.

I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).

This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.

(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)

[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538

[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]

Comments

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Certainly worth a shot. But... while cuddling with you is appreciated and helpful, I have a _terrible_ time remembering where is safe to touch, and where is not. It's fairly mentally intensive for me, because I have to have at least part of my brain aware, so I can't quite fully relax into it.

And I only just managed to figure out why I'm so confused by cuddling with you. It's not just that I can't tell if you would welcome it (because sometimes you don't), but that it's fairly difficult for me to remember where is safe, where is not, what _kinds_ of touch are safe, and what kinds are not. So I can't relax enough. It is still appreciated, though, and the one problem I don't have is having to drive to get to you. :)

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

*nodnod* yeah. understood.

in regards to that, i'm thinking that it might be good to try to "turn off" some of the physical bits. it seems to be inconvenient to entirely too many people, myself included. i don't know for sure that i *can*, but it's worth a shot, and would make things easier for all involved.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

thinking that it might be good to try to "turn off" some of the physical bits.

...

If you had any idea how, I'm sure it'd be a useful thing to be able to do!

I have no idea how _I_ turn off being ticklish (for the most part). I think it's something like being able to only hiccup once or less, usually.

And I'm not sure how much the fact that your reaction is a neurologically unusual one might affect your ability to modify it.

I kinda wonder if getting massages regularly would help, and what you would say to the idea of me getting you such a thing for $DECEMBERHOLIDAY or something. I also have no idea if you _can_ be massaged in the locations that cause you trouble?

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

i suspect it's similar in principle to the way i "turn off" pain - it seems to be a case-by-case thing, so i can't always, but there are relaxation techniques that make some pains non-painful.

i also wonder how much of my reactions are psychological. i got a massage once, which included the legs, from a close friend who said that when she went over that area she got tears in her eyes (she tends to be very aware. i ended up needing her to stop, also).

i just wish i knew what makes this happen! a couple of years ago i was fine with leg-touching. *sigh*

it's possible that regular touch there would help. i don't know how i feel about a full massage, being deep touch, but it might be worth trying. it could potentially be some kind of blockage, which massage would eventually break up.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

i also wonder how much of my reactions are psychological. i got a massage once, which included the legs, from a close friend who said that when she went over that area she got tears in her eyes (she tends to be very aware. i ended up needing her to stop, also).

Ooooh!

I need to remember to ask weegoddess the name of the therapy which might be able to help with this... (pinged!)

And I'll see what I can do about the massage idea. My massage therapist is nifty, and nearby.

[ayalanya.livejournal.com]

there's a therapy that might help?

that would possibly be a better investment than massage, actually...

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

It would be a better investment if enough info can be found, yes.

There is a form of therapy which does something which specific location cronic pain type things, resulting in the freeing of related, but forgotten, memories. Or something like that. My description probably sucks.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

Interesting. The only altmassage thing I can think of is reiki, which is not the described idea.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Oh, IIRC, there's lots more than that...

Cranial sacral therapy is what I can think of offhand... but that's not what I'm trying to think of the name of.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

I never got that comment. Well, let me know when you think of foo.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

The name in question was "Somato-emotional therapy", and is apparently a specific type of cranial-sacral therapy.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

Interesting. *attempts to file mentally*