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wispfoxI'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 07:08 pm (UTC)i also wonder how much of my reactions are psychological. i got a massage once, which included the legs, from a close friend who said that when she went over that area she got tears in her eyes (she tends to be very aware. i ended up needing her to stop, also).
i just wish i knew what makes this happen! a couple of years ago i was fine with leg-touching. *sigh*
it's possible that regular touch there would help. i don't know how i feel about a full massage, being deep touch, but it might be worth trying. it could potentially be some kind of blockage, which massage would eventually break up.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 07:25 pm (UTC)Ooooh!
I need to remember to ask
And I'll see what I can do about the massage idea. My massage therapist is nifty, and nearby.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 07:52 pm (UTC)that would possibly be a better investment than massage, actually...
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 08:09 pm (UTC)There is a form of therapy which does something which specific location cronic pain type things, resulting in the freeing of related, but forgotten, memories. Or something like that. My description probably sucks.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:37 pm (UTC)Cranial sacral therapy is what I can think of offhand... but that's not what I'm trying to think of the name of.
no subject
Date: 2004-10-08 05:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-12 12:03 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-13 06:21 pm (UTC)