[sad, rant]

[wispfox]

Why must I lose friendships for things that did not happen? And, because of who I am and how I am, _would_ not happen, even should the friend in question not have been similarly trustworthy? I miss the friendship. I would have been perfectly _happy_ had it continued as the friendship that it was. I had not seriously considered any other possibilities due to lack of availability, regardless of the fears/expectations of said friend's significant other. But apparently having a close friendship with me is threatening for my friends' significant others, sometimes. At least that's not always true, I guess...

Why is it that being who I am seems to be so damn good at magnifying problems in the relationships of those with whom I spend a sufficient amount of time, all too frequently resulting in jealousy and/or the loss of said friendships? Sometimes I hate being a catalyst.

I don't like losing friendships. I never have. I like it even less when the reason is not within the friendship itself. The dislike increases yet more when I run into former friends with relative frequency, due to mutual social activities that I refuse to stop attending. Worse yet when I had a sufficiently strong bond with the former friend that I felt a need to remove the bond.

*sigh* I wish I coped _faster_, dammit!

[edit: tried to make things a little more clear]

Comments

[bluepapercup]

*nods in understand*

Friendships are tough, squirrely things, sometimes even more difficult and confusing than capital-R relationships. We all carry a lot of experiental crap around with us, and for some folks that translates into not being able to handle broken bonds.

I know it's sucky, I think I have expereinced something similar myself, but need to put more thought into remembering the specifics.

I could say it will all work out with time, but that's like saying you can dilute any strength of acid with water. Yeah you can, but you might not ever be able to get enough water so that you can dilute it *enough*.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

it will all work out with time

At least in terms of me adjusting enough, yes. It will. Beyond that, I cannot say.

for some folks that translates into not being able to handle broken bonds.

I'm slightly confused by this part, as I think it may mean that my initial post was confusing. I broke the bond on purpose, because there had been too long without the friendship, and no end in sight. Refer to posts a week ago last Saturday about bond removal...

[bluepapercup]

I'm slightly confused by this part, as I think it may mean that my initial post was confusing.

No, no, *I* am confusing you. I meant that the other person may have a difficult time dealing with the you-initiated bond breaking.

or maybe I totally don't get it at all. but I thought I did.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Ah. I have not yet seen the no-longer-bonded person since the bond was removed by me.

I may have been overly confusing in my initial post... I modified it a little, though.

[bluepapercup]

*looks sad*

I am sorry for the confusion. I have nothing but compassion for you about all this.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Confusion tends to happen when I'm trying to communicate through strong emotion, so no apology required.

And thank you.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

I could say it will all work out with time, but that's like saying you can dilute any strength of acid with water. Yeah you can, but you might not ever be able to get enough water so that you can dilute it *enough*.

Exactly. *sigh*

Can I quote that, as long as give you credit?

[bluepapercup]

quote away.

*hug* for the *sigh*

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

(*wistful* There are some things that should not be.)