[brains] accepting/asking for help
Jul. 9th, 2004 11:54 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxBits of words that I thought needed a wider audience.
"It's difficult, for me at least, to consider that my perspective on things inside my head might not be accurate to reality, because then I have to face the terrifying possibility that _none_ of what's in my head might be accurate to reality. Instant recipe for insanity, that!
Accepting help implies (in my head) that what I do is not enough. And perhaps will never be enough. I hate that.
But not accepting help ever puts too much of the burden on myself. And that's bad and self-defeating."
--
I have _very_ much difficulty accepting help, and more difficulty yet asking for it. But I ask anyway. And I accept anyway. Because I am not someone who can cope with everything, all the time, on my own. Not and remain reasonably sane, happy, and stable.
"It's difficult, for me at least, to consider that my perspective on things inside my head might not be accurate to reality, because then I have to face the terrifying possibility that _none_ of what's in my head might be accurate to reality. Instant recipe for insanity, that!
Accepting help implies (in my head) that what I do is not enough. And perhaps will never be enough. I hate that.
But not accepting help ever puts too much of the burden on myself. And that's bad and self-defeating."
--
I have _very_ much difficulty accepting help, and more difficulty yet asking for it. But I ask anyway. And I accept anyway. Because I am not someone who can cope with everything, all the time, on my own. Not and remain reasonably sane, happy, and stable.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 04:23 pm (UTC)Girlfriend At The Time: Uh, Jon, I could have helped you with that.
Jon: But I didn't need help with that.
GF: But maybe I want to help you.
Jon: Why would anyone want to do X? It's just one of those things people have to do as adults. Like paying bills.
GF: I don't want to do X, I want to help you do X.
Jon: That's okay, I'm a grownup, I can take care of X by myself.
GF: Let me help you, dammit!
Jon: Uh, okay, next time I'll try to let you know.
GF: Okay. Meanwhile, I'm doing Y. Wanna come along?
Jon: Y is kinda boring. Do you really need my help to do Y?
GF: Okay, see, this is a knife, and that's your spleen...
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Date: 2004-07-09 05:06 pm (UTC)That's so perfect.
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Date: 2004-07-09 05:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 06:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 06:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 06:56 pm (UTC)Basic question of philosophy, that. Whether we can trust our senses... and if not, what can we trust, if anything?
Accepting help implies (in my head) that what I do is not enough. And perhaps will never be enough. I hate that.
But not accepting help ever puts too much of the burden on myself. And that's bad and self-defeating."
--
I have _very_ much difficulty accepting help, and more difficulty yet asking for it. But I ask anyway. And I accept anyway. Because I am not someone who can cope with everything, all the time, on my own. Not and remain reasonably sane, happy, and stable."
*quotes from profile*
I have trouble convincing myself
that anyone even wants to hear about my problems,
let alone help me cope with my issues.
But it's not that I never ask for help...
There's sorta a scale in my head.
-Easy things that I can Do All By Myself, although it may take me more time than others might :)
-Important things (Major worries, and stuff)
-Things in the middle, where I don't know how to do it, or to do it the best/better way, and others know more.
I'm most likely to ask for help on the middle stuff.
I'm ultrapicky about who I ask for help on important things, as they involve the following:
Privacy. Independence. Trust. Whether I need actual help, or just a listening ear/shoulder.
But I do bottle things up too much a lot of the time. Can be hard to deal with such things, but equally hard not to do. *sigh*
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Date: 2004-07-09 07:00 pm (UTC)She's getting better though... and hopefully you'll get better in some way too. :)
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Date: 2004-07-09 07:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 07:43 pm (UTC)My entire worldview is based on the axiom that senses are inherently untrustworthy.
Then again, it's not a worldview for most people, as far as I can tell. Most people seem to be pretty twitchy about their entire universe being founded on unsurety...
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Date: 2004-07-09 07:44 pm (UTC)Really. No, really!
And my spouses want to smack me upside the head regularly for trying to be so...
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Date: 2004-07-09 07:58 pm (UTC)Well...
See...
The reason that this is true for me is that I was told (perhaps not through words so much as actions), regularly, that what I was seeing/interpreting happening growing up wasn't/didn't/couldn't have been.
So reclaiming the belief that my perceptions of things - in as many possible ways as one can think of - has been a long, hard battle, and I'm _very_ easily prone to believing it when people try to convince me that what I think happened didn't.
This is bad. Very bad.
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Date: 2004-07-09 07:59 pm (UTC)Heh. But your use of the word 'trying' implies that no, you're _not_ actually able to do so, and might be harming yourself by trying?
But yeah. Know the feeling...
Also. Hi! And I prefer the term 'spices'. Not that I have them, but still!
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 08:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-09 08:31 pm (UTC)Generally my spice only smack me upside the head for things I do that harm myself. They're pretty good about that. The rest is left as an exercise for the reader, as anything else would require actually admitting things that I, of course, never actually admit. *grin*
Also. Hi!
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:36 pm (UTC)And good people who don't let you hurt yourself. *firm nod* Yes.
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:36 pm (UTC)I'm willing to listen to other people's perceptions to help build a quorum when I'm trying to understand what might actually have happened, and I'm always willing to try to understand other people's experiences because it lets me understand them better, but I'm not willing to let someone just talk me out of my own perceptions.
Just because they're flawed doesn't mean they're not mine.
(Different way of coping with some similar things, I think. *hug*)
Obviously there's more to my worldview, but the fact that things have to be based on probabilities rather than certainies is a fundamental part of it... In some ways, it makes me more open to Weird Shit than most people, I think, because just because someone else didn't perceive something doesn't mean it didn't happen/isn't true/wasn't there/etc. I do try to keep a pretty keen eye on "general consensual reality" because I find that knowing what that is is useful in trying to function in society -- but I don't assume that general consensual reality has more than a passing correlation with Reality, whatever that is.
I went on and on at length about this in a post to
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:38 pm (UTC)Actually, I am blessed with wonderful spice and for all that it frustrates me immensely to have to face some of those things periodically, I appreciate that they're willing to put up with me^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhelp me with such things.
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:39 pm (UTC)Yep. That's my end goal. And I _am_ getting there.
just because someone else didn't perceive something doesn't mean it didn't happen/isn't true/wasn't there/etc.
True. But it helps when other people can verify, too - which is why I tend to gravitate toward people who have that likelyhood (ie, my info page mentioning filtering people based partly on mystical awareness).
I do try to keep a pretty keen eye on "general consensual reality" because I find that knowing what that is is useful in trying to function in society -- but I don't assume that general consensual reality has more than a passing correlation with Reality, whatever that is.
All stuff I'm trying to get a more firm grasp on, yes. :)
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:42 pm (UTC)So there. *nyah*
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:42 pm (UTC)*laugh*
I'm amused by the fact that apparently this is 'talk to new and interesting people day' for me. ;)
for all that it frustrates me immensely to have to face some of those things periodically
Yeah. Understand that! My brain makes me do periodic checks, actually - other people rarely have to. Stupid non-setting brain!
I appreciate that they're willing to put up with me^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hhelp me with such things.
Understand completely. With both points. :)
*pleased that you use text-only strike out methods, rather than HTML strikeout methods*
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:43 pm (UTC)And... oh, _no_, I've been friended back! The horrors! *hand-staple-forehead*
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Date: 2004-07-09 08:44 pm (UTC)And prone to making sweeping facetious statements.
In case you hadn't noticed.
Did someone say "Spice?"
Date: 2004-07-09 08:46 pm (UTC)http://spice.keenspace.com/