[schmoop? I think?]

[wispfox]

I like that, even with the mopey bits relating to the fact that my apartment is _empty_ right now, I am completely confident in that he'll be _back_. (and, yes, I do have intent to visit there at some point - dude, I _already_ wanted to visit Australia! I just have more reason now. ;)

I like that I had time during which I had both lots and lots of words and lots and lots of non-verbal. (And knowing that my need to be highly verbal is _appreciated_ is wonderful)

I like that I didn't let myself not say (and I _said_ them, mostly, not wrote them!) things that needed to be said because it annoyed me that it was true, or because I was afraid. And the telling was always received well. (I'm sure the above comment about highly verbal appreciation was a factor here, too)

I like that I felt like I was listened to on as many levels as I tend to listen.

I like that I was willing to look into eyes for long periods of time without breaking eye contact. And I learned that apparently part of why my gaze can be disconcerting is that I don't move my eyes at _all_ unless I'm thinking about it (or something not what I'm looking at catches my eye).

I like that, even though I most certainly had moments of feeling like I was being too strange (and therefore enough to make people leave), there was an explicit statement that at no point was that a possible problem. And I _most_ certainly got stranger than most people see me (I don't usually let people see me when I'm being really unable to sleep/fae/not fully here). Weirding people out is _always_ a concern of mine.

Yes, I miss. Of course I do - two weeks is a lot of time, especially when one is attempting to do lots of stuff during it. But I _don't_ have the fear that normally comes with distance for me. At least for now, at least while the sense I got is strong and important/needed shared verbalizations are in my head, I'm not afraid. And it is good.

I love. I miss. And I'm not afraid.

Comments

[rosefox]

It's strange and wonderful to read this... because we love the same person in such similar and yet different ways, because we use the same words for such different feelings and relationships, because of all the things we both do and all the things we do so differently.

You are giving me a glimpse into what it might have been like for me and Joe if it had been easy. The sweet in that far outweighs anything that might think to be bitter. Thank you.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

The sweet in that far outweighs anything that might think to be bitter. Thank you.

I'm very glad! You're welcome, although it feels very odd to be being thanked for something that I really don't feel like I particularly _did_.

[rosefox]

Well, I'm thanking you for writing about it, which you're definitely doing. *)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

True! Ok, I feel less weird now. :)