National Coming Out Day

As many others on my f-list have reminded me, it's National Coming Out Day today. [edit: was yesterday!]

I tend to fail miserably at being not Out, so the probability of anyone reading this _not_ knowing the ways in which I could need to come out is low. Nonetheless, I shall explain.

It was not until I was pointed to a bisexual women's email list in college that I first really comprehended what bisexuality meant. Until that point, the concept that there were other options besides gay and straight simply did not exist in my worldview. Considering that for as long as I have been attracted to anyone, I have been attracted to both men and women - although I did not realize what was going on with the women for the longest time - you might begin to imagine the confusion and distress this fact caused. I thought I had to choose. Except that I _couldn't_. I tried being straight, I tried being gay. Neither one fit at all well; falling off at inopportune times, constricting, and just plain Wrong.

And although it was true that I was acting polyamorous at various points in my life (I had a couple of guys suggest dating them both when I could not decide, quite early in my dating life), I thought I had to choose there, too. And, as with trying to be monosexual, I kept failing. I would get antsy and unhappy after about a year, even in cases where there was not anyone else that I was interested in. It's not really dating multiple people that is the important part, although it's important. It's that I don't have to pretend that I'm not interested in/fascinated by other people. It's that I can talk about it, and if there is mutual interest and compatibility, it's a feasible option. Just as I'm bisexual regardless of the gender(s) of the people who I am or am not dating, I'm poly when I'm not dating anyone and when I'm dating one person, as well as when I'm dating more than one person. As with bisexuality, it was an online medium in which I first really understood the concept and could make it my own; in this case, a newsgroup.

I love and am attracted to men, I love and am attracted to women. Personality matters the most, but perhaps unlike some bisexuals, I will also miss physical intimacy with women when I am not dating any. I suspect the same is true with men if I were not dating them while I was dating women, but my relationships with women have not... tended to be long lasting ones. I do also seem to have a certain amount of cyclic gender desires which may make me notice the lack of one or the other more strongly (I do realize that there are more than two genders; since the physical characteristics of the person is what matters to me after personality, I'm not really entirely sure how that ties into my attraction patterns. Perhaps especially since I tend strongly toward some degree of androgyny in my physical attractions).

I love and am attracted to multiple people at the same time. I get very unhappy if I try to behave in ways that do not take this fact into account, and have not even tried in 7 years. I do not ever intend to get into any relationships that would only work in that manner, even were there not existing relationships to make that impossible. It is not part of who I am to be monogamous.

Terminology

Confusing conversation causes questions!

What is an open relationship?

Is it the same as or different than being in a polyamorous relationship? Subset? Superset? Entirely unrelated?

(I was under the impression that it is another term for a polyamorous relationship, but now I'm just confused. :)

woo-woo, museum

At times, my reaction to things is surprising and unexpected.

I was not surprised to have some discomfort at many of the various items in the North America Native American sections of the Peabody museum at Harvard. For much the same reason that I was unhappy at the term 'acquired' to describe how the items got there, that I suspect that most of what is there was taken from the people to whom they belonged, quite possibly involving their deaths.

I mean, I'm glad we went, and that metahacker thought of and suggested it. I'm glad that it exists and that there were things which had been returned to the appropriate people according to signs put in their place. I'm glad that they try to work with the people who are affected. But at the same time... uncomfortable.

My reaction to the room in which there were spiritual masks on display, though, _did_ surprise me. It was Not Okay. Very strongly Not Okay to have those on display, so public, so not what they were made for, used for, meant for. I don't know where their home is, to whom they should go, nor even if there is anywhere they should go. But that was quite strongly Not Right.

Sometimes I forget that I am sensitive to such things. (and when I'm not _in the moment_, sometimes I try to convince myself that I imagined it, or was reacting to distress that I expected to be there. Of course, if that were the case, I'd expect to react more strongly to the clothing...)