I have no idea where this post is going

[wispfox]

I miss having a creek in my backyard, and a pond in the cemetary behind my house.

I miss spending as much time as I could outside, in the spring and summer, collecting aquatic creatures to put into the wading pool. That wading pool never actually got used for _people_, because I kept kidnapping it. Apparently no one else minded. I loved to watch them grow, and change. And I have no idea how I managed to keep the water sufficiently oxygenated. But I did, because the creatures lived, and I could return them to the pond, and the creek, later.

I miss the feeling of minnows, nibbling at my toes, attempting to figure out if I was a source of food. It always tickled.

I miss trees that I could climb easily, and just sit on a branch and listen.

I miss grass, warm and soft and sweet, upon which I could relax, and look into the sky. At the clouds, the birds, the trees. Or I could close my eyes, and soak up the sunlight, and the solidity of the earth.

I miss having huge amounts of time to be outdoors, during the day. Even when the weather warms, too much of my time is spent at work. I suspect that this is part of why the idea of wandering around the US for a year or two is such a strong pull for me...

Too much time is spent working so I can live, and not enough figuring out what I want to do with myself. I love my social network, I love getting to know people, making friends, investigating other people's minds. I'm sure part of my major socialness of the past year or so is because I never really had so much opportunity before. But I need to figure out what _else_ I want to do. Who I am when _not_ with people, now that I'm finally managing to get a sense of who I am with them.

If I did not have books to read, computer games to play, what would I do, when not with other people? Besides processing, I mean. I have no hobbies I've stuck with long enough to know well (ok, _maybe_ counted cross stitch, but I always use other people's designs), or to be drawn to. The only musical instrument I even vaguely keep up with is my voice. I have no creative outlet whatsoever. Energy work? Maybe. But that doesn't quite feel like a creative outlet, at least as of yet. I want to make something. I just don't know what. Too many of the making somethings that I am aware of require a spacial awareness I just don't have. So... I continue to search. Maybe some day, I'll find, even if only for a short while.

Comments

[echospiralheart.livejournal.com]

Get a sketch book and drawn and color. I didn't think I would be good at it, but I like some of the things that I have done. And it's relaxing. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Thought...

I do actually sketch decently, as long as there are not people involved. :)

[wurmwyd.livejournal.com]

Hi There!

[!] ... maaaaaaaaaaaaarrrry meeeeeee.....







[wakes] Oh, scheisse. I'm already married.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*chokes on amusement*

Like that post much, did you?

Besides, what makes you think I'm marrying _anyone_?! :)

I'm with you.

[avivasedai.livejournal.com]

I miss climbing trees, and being outdoors, and actually being *with* friends instead of trying to phone them. Pre-college, and even college years, were good for being outdoors. This 9-5, or in my case 10-6:30 give or take 1:30 depending on the day, sucks. My hair would be sun-streaked and light brown like my neice's if I wasn't indoors all the time.

I have hobbies I'm ready to pursue, if I had the energy and greater inclination. The beads and stones and impliments and clasps and hooks and wires are all in their storage box on my dresser. I look at it often. I see my friends wear the stuff I made for them and it thrills me. Somehow, when I get home, I don't gravitate that way. Maybe I should make more of an effort to do so.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

The beads and stones and impliments and clasps and hooks and wires are all in their storage box on my dresser.

Yeah. This is one of the things I _could_ be doing. I have stuff for it, but it doesn't call me. I'm also really new to it.

And yes - 9-5 (or whatever) does suck.

Maybe I need a vacation?

[brother-bliss.livejournal.com]

sounds like you home sick..

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Not exactly.

Or, if I am, I'm homesick for a place that either no longer is, or I have not yet found.

Re: since when has that stopped you? ;)

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

The last paragraph could've been written by me.  (Except with double-spaces and <u> tags.  Yknow.)

I have no consistent creative outlet whatsoever.  I sometimes feel itchy about this, and I get two-week squirrely about creative projects - dollhouses, making clothing, drawing, fixing my bike, whatever - then I settle back down to fucking around on the internet, learning random shit, and reading every other book that sits in front of me.

I've figured out that once I became okay with that being my default setting, I felt much less itchy to create things.  I'm not sure if that's good or not.

That means when I ferret-squee over something new, I don't feel internally pressured to keep at it.  Frees up my energy to want to be creative, elsewhere.

Although honestly?  I subscribe to the theory that there is creative type A (Michelangelo, Edison, and so forth), and type B, MacGuyver and good Googlers.  Dassme!

[bluepapercup]

I miss trees that I could climb easily, and just sit on a branch and listen.

urrrgh my heart. I miss that too. I miss outdoors so, so much. I miss having it right there in front of me outside my house. I miss having a lawn that I could lie on in the middle of the night, talking, breathing, streching my body over the curve of the earth. I miss having hills and total nature-bound solitude only a ten-minute drive from my house, somewhere with farms and trees and no highway sounds whatsoever.

*sigh*

This was unhelpful, sorry.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

This was unhelpful, sorry.

Indications of understanding are never unhelpful. :)