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wispfoxThings which I apparently tend to forget to mention, with variations on how widely applicable the information is.
Perhaps because it seems obvious to me, based on how much difficulty I have with the lack, I apparently seem to forget to mention that touch is, for me, one of (if not the top one) the most effective ways to cause me to feel loved. This is especially true for casual touch, because it also has the effect of reminding me that people are aware of me and/or thinking of me in a far more useful way than words can. Being held and cuddling are also high up in the making me feel loved scale; they are sufficiently different from casual touch (and I think I have regular need for both sets), though, that I can't make any sort of comparison between the two.
So, in a more explicit manner, I say: unless it's an interruption (which I think translates as touch without me knowing that someone from whom that is appreciated/likely is near enough to do so, or touch which requires active interaction from me if I'm otherwise occupied) or I'm so thoroughly overstimed that I want no people near me at all (which I'm reasonably good at stating, and then going elsewhere), casual touch[1] from anyone that I tend to initiate touch with[2,3] (including hello and goodbye hugs) is always welcome.
Except at work. I appear to be thoroughly confused (which people have frequently interpreted as being upset by, even though that isn't the case) by casual touch - even from people where that makes sense in a non-work context - at work. Probably because it feels like a wrong time/place thing, so I completely don't expect it. (It's really quite fascinating how strongly I base things on what I do and do not expect, incidentally)
Non casual touch - like cuddling - has a more restrictive set of people than this, but pretty much the same set of guidelines. (ie, if I've initiated it before, or it's been discussed as a possibility, then follow the same non-interruption and non-overstimed rules as above)
It appears to be the case in my head that low-key sexual behavior (apparently defined in my head as kissing and making out and similar types of behaviors) - presuming appropriate conversations and/or past behavior along those lines - has similar guidelines, as well. I may or may not be actively interested enough to have initiated on my own, and may or may not actually have a libido (although this is likely to remind me that it exists), but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy smooching and making out. (this does have a caveat relating to barrier rules and such, in that that is yet another significant boundary in my head - so being good with smooching and making out and such does not mean anything about anything further)
[1]The casual touch definition in my head = generally fairly brief, but very intentional, contact. Sorta like a touch-based ping.
[2] If there isn't past initiating of [specific type of touch] with someone and it has not been discussed as something that's ok, though, [specific type of touch] from them will probably weird me out and not be a good thing. Probably because I need at some level to be able to expect that it'll happen, and people that I've not initiated [specific type of touch] with are, and might never be, in my head as someone that makes sense with.
[3]I note that 'if I've initiated' are also covered by cases where things are mutually initiated!
I tend very much to not like to ask people to do things if I have tending to be the one asking, because that will start to make me feel like they don't actually _want_ to do it, and are just agreeing to be kind to me. I want people to be doing things involving me because they want to, and not only because I've asked.
This has interesting effects both when I'm interacting with someone who is known to be bad about suggesting things or thinking to interact with people (regardless of actual interest), and when I'm strongly needing interaction of a certain type but those who I can ask don't tend to actively want that kind of interaction. I will still tend to ask, but it'll take me longer to do so. I frequently won't realize that I'm doing it, as these are my default behavior, and are not conscious.
Similarly default is the fact that, the more strongly I need something, the more likely I am to hide it, entirely unconsciously. I think it relates to the not wanting to be the one asking all the time and wanting people to do things involving me because they want to. But... it can be a problem, especially if I don't realize that I'm doing it, and it takes the need smacking me upside the head to realize that it's there (which is generally far later than when I _should_ have been having it addressed).
Perhaps because it seems obvious to me, based on how much difficulty I have with the lack, I apparently seem to forget to mention that touch is, for me, one of (if not the top one) the most effective ways to cause me to feel loved. This is especially true for casual touch, because it also has the effect of reminding me that people are aware of me and/or thinking of me in a far more useful way than words can. Being held and cuddling are also high up in the making me feel loved scale; they are sufficiently different from casual touch (and I think I have regular need for both sets), though, that I can't make any sort of comparison between the two.
So, in a more explicit manner, I say: unless it's an interruption (which I think translates as touch without me knowing that someone from whom that is appreciated/likely is near enough to do so, or touch which requires active interaction from me if I'm otherwise occupied) or I'm so thoroughly overstimed that I want no people near me at all (which I'm reasonably good at stating, and then going elsewhere), casual touch[1] from anyone that I tend to initiate touch with[2,3] (including hello and goodbye hugs) is always welcome.
Except at work. I appear to be thoroughly confused (which people have frequently interpreted as being upset by, even though that isn't the case) by casual touch - even from people where that makes sense in a non-work context - at work. Probably because it feels like a wrong time/place thing, so I completely don't expect it. (It's really quite fascinating how strongly I base things on what I do and do not expect, incidentally)
Non casual touch - like cuddling - has a more restrictive set of people than this, but pretty much the same set of guidelines. (ie, if I've initiated it before, or it's been discussed as a possibility, then follow the same non-interruption and non-overstimed rules as above)
It appears to be the case in my head that low-key sexual behavior (apparently defined in my head as kissing and making out and similar types of behaviors) - presuming appropriate conversations and/or past behavior along those lines - has similar guidelines, as well. I may or may not be actively interested enough to have initiated on my own, and may or may not actually have a libido (although this is likely to remind me that it exists), but that doesn't mean I won't enjoy smooching and making out. (this does have a caveat relating to barrier rules and such, in that that is yet another significant boundary in my head - so being good with smooching and making out and such does not mean anything about anything further)
[1]The casual touch definition in my head = generally fairly brief, but very intentional, contact. Sorta like a touch-based ping.
[2] If there isn't past initiating of [specific type of touch] with someone and it has not been discussed as something that's ok, though, [specific type of touch] from them will probably weird me out and not be a good thing. Probably because I need at some level to be able to expect that it'll happen, and people that I've not initiated [specific type of touch] with are, and might never be, in my head as someone that makes sense with.
[3]I note that 'if I've initiated' are also covered by cases where things are mutually initiated!
I tend very much to not like to ask people to do things if I have tending to be the one asking, because that will start to make me feel like they don't actually _want_ to do it, and are just agreeing to be kind to me. I want people to be doing things involving me because they want to, and not only because I've asked.
This has interesting effects both when I'm interacting with someone who is known to be bad about suggesting things or thinking to interact with people (regardless of actual interest), and when I'm strongly needing interaction of a certain type but those who I can ask don't tend to actively want that kind of interaction. I will still tend to ask, but it'll take me longer to do so. I frequently won't realize that I'm doing it, as these are my default behavior, and are not conscious.
Similarly default is the fact that, the more strongly I need something, the more likely I am to hide it, entirely unconsciously. I think it relates to the not wanting to be the one asking all the time and wanting people to do things involving me because they want to. But... it can be a problem, especially if I don't realize that I'm doing it, and it takes the need smacking me upside the head to realize that it's there (which is generally far later than when I _should_ have been having it addressed).
