(no subject)
May. 1st, 2003 05:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxNext, in the 'what strange things will I babble about today' category, we have a bit of a discussion I had recently on one of my entirely too many email lists.
Someone misunderstood me to be saying that poly was necessarily a 'born that way' thing, because I'd commented that I didn't think that 'training' someone to be poly was a possible/reasonable thing to do. My main point was that it's like trying to 'convert' people - if they don't have at least part of themselves at least somewhat inclined toward it, it's not going to happen. Well, at least not without destroying a part of who the person is. It'd basically entail making them into someone they are not.
So, to explain that I did *not* think that poly was (or was not!) a genetic thing, I said the following:
"Mmm... I think of it more as that people have the possibility for either one, but some lean more toward one over the other. And, as with everything else, there are always some people so close to entirely one or the other that they seem to be an extreme.
I don't know (or particularly care) if it's because of genetics or because of upbringing, but would make note of the fact that, at least for me, I might have continued trying (and failing) to be monogamous had I not found people who were poly, knew they were poly, and were able to explain it in words that I might not have been able to find.
Thus - in my own life, I believe that I was (through birth or upbringing) poly for my entire conscious life, but it was not until I found people who were consciously poly that I knew what it was, or that *I* was. Same with being bi.
All of this said, one of my closest friends is very definitely monogamous. And we've had enough discussions on this idea that I'm quite sure that he really *is* monogamous, and it's not (only?) because it's the cultural norm.
So - as with everything else, I believe it's a combination of upbringing and genetics, as well as some amount of luck in finding other people who are able to help one overcome possible assumptions in one's self about what is 'right' and 'proper' and 'good'."
I don't know how completely true to everything I think and believe this is, as it was written (and copied into here) very quickly during my nearly impossible to be serious day, but I figured I'd drop it in here for people to read if they wanted.
Someone misunderstood me to be saying that poly was necessarily a 'born that way' thing, because I'd commented that I didn't think that 'training' someone to be poly was a possible/reasonable thing to do. My main point was that it's like trying to 'convert' people - if they don't have at least part of themselves at least somewhat inclined toward it, it's not going to happen. Well, at least not without destroying a part of who the person is. It'd basically entail making them into someone they are not.
So, to explain that I did *not* think that poly was (or was not!) a genetic thing, I said the following:
"Mmm... I think of it more as that people have the possibility for either one, but some lean more toward one over the other. And, as with everything else, there are always some people so close to entirely one or the other that they seem to be an extreme.
I don't know (or particularly care) if it's because of genetics or because of upbringing, but would make note of the fact that, at least for me, I might have continued trying (and failing) to be monogamous had I not found people who were poly, knew they were poly, and were able to explain it in words that I might not have been able to find.
Thus - in my own life, I believe that I was (through birth or upbringing) poly for my entire conscious life, but it was not until I found people who were consciously poly that I knew what it was, or that *I* was. Same with being bi.
All of this said, one of my closest friends is very definitely monogamous. And we've had enough discussions on this idea that I'm quite sure that he really *is* monogamous, and it's not (only?) because it's the cultural norm.
So - as with everything else, I believe it's a combination of upbringing and genetics, as well as some amount of luck in finding other people who are able to help one overcome possible assumptions in one's self about what is 'right' and 'proper' and 'good'."
I don't know how completely true to everything I think and believe this is, as it was written (and copied into here) very quickly during my nearly impossible to be serious day, but I figured I'd drop it in here for people to read if they wanted.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
I tend to agree
Date: 2003-05-04 08:02 pm (UTC)Re: I tend to agree
Date: 2003-05-05 06:58 am (UTC)I'd say it'd be pretty difficult to have a truly poly upbringing, even if one was raised by openly poly parents - simply because the culture is not poly friendly.
'k. Babbling, me.