A bit more on intensity
Jan. 20th, 2004 09:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxIt's useful to be intentionally looking for examples of intensity without obsession, and then have repeated examples from both the perspective of watching them and from the perspective of being involved in them. Truly.
I seem to have decided that, indeed, I do very much appreciate intensity in other people (and therefore, in myself - so I can stop toning that down unless with people who've stated discomfort). And the ways I appear to be able to identify it as being intense but not obsessed are:
1) there is intensity, but there is also a strong feeling of caring intertwined in there. I believe that, right now, this is probably something that comes out in me if I'm strongly in listening mode. Aside from that, I don't think I let that out. I will attempt to do more of that from now on, because... yummy!
2) when the attention is directed elsewhere, it really *is* elsewhere. And, although this may be more a factor of my liking of the person in question, when the attention goes elsewhere, my missing it is a very good sign. I have never missed it when someone was being obsessive at me and goes away. And I don't recall that the attention of obsessive people really completely *leaves* when interacting with other people nearby.
Yeah. Non-obsessive intensity is a very good thing in my opinion. Partly because of the sheer enjoyment that comes of having someone's attention *on* *you*. Rather than on you, but not totally. And it doesn't even have to be for a very long time, and is completely possible to have intensity in people who are ADD (indeed, that's when I tend to run into it). It's just that, when the attention is there, is really *is* there. Fully. Even when briefly.
Slightly related, I was contemplating the times when I tend to be intense - when I'm *listening* (in as many definitions of that word as I can think of) to someone. And I remembered that, at least based on reactions of other people, I apparently have a complete lack of facial expression. Probably because I'm putting my energy into listening. But I find that interesting, as it's completely not intentional - I'd have expected that my face would be saying that I'm listening, but that may not be the case. Interesting, though.
Also possibly related, I think that I tend to have significantly more pleasant/comforting/energizing cuddling-type experiences with people who are focusing on said experience (again, not necessarily for the entire time). I'm not sure if that is simply a reflection of my sheer enjoyment of intensity of awareness, or if it ties into something else, perhaps that it reminds me to be more in the current moment.
I am *not*, however, sure what my reaction is/would be toward people being intense at me who I cannot get a good feel for. Probably discomfort, as I would not be able to get the sense of caring, and would not be able to get a feel for who they are well enough to feel safe. Interesting.
Re: ADD hyperfocus on both sides
Date: 2004-01-20 05:22 pm (UTC)In fact, you don't really need to be ADD; if you're in hyperfocus and know the person fairly well, this can happen. It's wonderful; the only problem is when you start feeling bad about your other relationships because they don't have the same high-bandwidth communication :-{.
Re: ADD hyperfocus on both sides
Date: 2004-01-20 05:38 pm (UTC)Re: ADD hyperfocus on both sides
Date: 2004-01-20 05:53 pm (UTC)Re: ADD hyperfocus on both sides
Date: 2004-01-20 07:08 pm (UTC)Re: ADD hyperfocus on both sides
Date: 2004-01-20 07:10 pm (UTC)