Phone calls at 10pm are never good...

[wispfox]

My dad called me at 10pm tonight. She's not responding to treatment. They don't think she'll last out the night.

WMBR was kind enough, on my way home from visiting a friend in Lowell, to play some nicely discordant music. Precisely what I needed.

But I don't own any discordant music. Anyone have any suggestions? It needs to be *music*, not just random noises. And it needs to be as discordant as possible while still being music.

Damn, if my roommate didn't pick the worst time to go to Asia.

I think I'm numb. Except that I'm way tense. And I was crying randomly a few minutes ago. I would really like to have something to beat on right about now.

I hurt. I know my dad, it being his mom, must hurt way more. But I hurt. And I can't do anything with it. I was biting my thumb in the car on the way home, because it was a far more tolerable and present pain. And because I needed to stay in touch enough to drive. Was a strange feeling. Worked, though.

If she does, in fact, not last out the night, they will be going to Wisconsin on Sunday, and staying until the funeral.

Oh, huh. That may mean I no longer have plans Sunday. I was to be visiting my parents. Who may be on their way to Wisconsin at that point.

I have no idea if I'm going to work tomorrow. I don't know if it'll be worse to be at home with no distractions, or to be at work where I may randomly start crying around my co-workers. I guess I'll decide in the morning.

I know my boss will be fine if I don't go; he already told me I could leave if I needed to when I first told him about my grandmother being in the hospital.

Yeah. I hurt. And I have no roommate to cry on or hug. Stupid Asia.

Comments

[kkpixie.livejournal.com]

Ohhhh. *snuggle* I'm sorry you're all alone. That sucks ;.; I hope someone finds you!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

It's not that I'm alone... it's that most everyone that I know and would be willing to cry on are living nowhere nearby and/or have no car. The issue is that I don't want to hunt people down for comfort, I hate phones, and I'd want to be able to hug someone anyway.

There's also the issue that I have difficulty letting go enough *to* cry, especially with other people around. So even if I were to call someone who I trust and who could visit (there are a few), and they could come, I don't know that I wouldn't just spend the time frozen, emotionally.

Meh. On the plus side, my younger sister called me last night, to make sure that I knew what was going on (the communication in my family is... interesting), and I talked to her for a while...

There's at least some concern that my grandfather will not survive a year beyond when my grandmother dies. They are/were very close.

At this point, I wait. I decided to go to work, as being at home only would mean I'd have nothing to do until I heard something definite. So I'm at work today.