[book, brains.nonverbal learning disability] "Born on the Wrong Planet"

[wispfox]

My mom lent me a book when she last visited (actually, she tried to lend me multiple, but I was only strongly interested in this one) called "Born on the Wrong Planet", written by a woman with Asperger's, among other neurologic disorders. As with when I read "Thinking in Pictures" by Dr. Temple Grandin, there were many moments of remembering and understanding. More with this one than with "Thinking in Pictures", probably at least partly because I don't have much facility with visual information (reading and writing use my eyes, but are verbal, not visual), but almost certainly also because I never had a problem of being physically unable to communicate (I just didn't necessarily know that I should, or how to say what I wanted to say).

Some of the memories nearly made me cry, like the one sparked by the following phrase:

"[...] even though she still didn't know how to tell a fake love letter from a real one - because she'd never seen a real one - she understood that no love letter anyone ever wrote to her would be real."

I was spared that specific kind of torment, thankfully, but I vividly remember discounting anyone trying to tell me that anyone 'like liked' me. Because, well, at the time such a thing was patently obviously not true. Not possible. Someone tried to leave a note once, even. Still don't know if it was real, since I _didn't_ tend to have people leaving me notes as a way to torment me (I got tormented for lots of other reasons; that just wasn't one of the methods used), and it was from someone both sweet and shy. It could have been true. But my reaction was to discount it, because in my mind, it wasn't possible that it was true. (Yes, I wish I could go back and reassure my younger self...)

Another quote,

"What I remember is how suddenly I was popular. It was as if I had spontaneously begun to radiate some pheromone that made me seem like the cleverest, nicest, most attractive person around. It astounded me."

Reminds me both of when I first got into college (this is when I first actually had a _group_ of friends, rather than one or two at a time, and is also when I started dating), but more strongly reminds me of my attempts to adjust to now. I still have this reaction, although it's mellowed from being astounded to periodically being amazed, vaguely confused, and having trouble adjusting. As y'all have seen me write about, from time to time, because of my social energy level fluctuations.

I just noticed something, reflecting on this book. Most of my friends, as I have always stated, have tended to be male. But most of my friends in high school were female. I think the difference is that the female friends I had in high school felt more like protectors than equals (usually them protecting, but I had a few friends younger than I was who I felt protective of). I suspect this may simply be how young I was (12-15). But the line which reminded me of this is still true, talking about the few friends she had while growing up. The line in question, I note, was true for me even at CTY, where I fit in _far_ better than most places.

"Such friends were merciful exceptions to the rule that I fit in with nobody. I am grateful to them and always will be; without their friendship, my only enjoyable interaction would have been with close family members and a few teachers."

Finally, because I have had these thoughts, and this still makes me smile:

"I have become a person who can function socially on this planet, sometimes with great success. There are times when I'm not sure what I should do; there are times when I am a bit awkward, but that happens to all humans, and I do quite well for somebody who didn't feel like a human at first.

"I can't say if I feel like a human now. I have never been a normal human, and I don't know how it feels to be one. I feel like me. And I feel much more comfortable with humans than I used to. Even if I was meant to be on another planet, I have certainly made the best of living on this one."

Yeah. This book makes me happy, and I think I may need to buy myself a copy.

Comments

[corivax.livejournal.com]

Hm. I think not feeling human is a fundamental part of the human experience. :) That's one of the most amusing things about being human.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

See...

I have no trouble believing that everyone has ever felt like they don't fit in, especially around puberty.

I _do_ have trouble believing that everyone has felt - from childhood through puberty, at very least - like an alien. Like they really were on the wrong planet.

That's far, far more pervasive than what I suspect most people feel like.

However, it's far too likely that most of the people reading me _did_ have this feeling throughout their entire lives, at least as kids and teens, so I can't even do a poll to see if my suspicion is right. ;)

I suspect that feeling like an alien is a side effect of not being able to pick up on social skills, and having to have them taught. Possibly, more general than that, and is a side effect of not picking up on all the supposedly 'obvious' things without being told about them.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

However, it's far too likely that most of the people reading me _did_ have this feeling throughout their entire lives, at least as kids and teens, so I can't even do a poll to see if my suspicion is right. ;)

You could do a poll to find out whether that's true though. Of course, answering would cause their covers to break, so who knows how accurate it would be. :)

(Do you want to be poked about tag typos/redundancies?)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

You could do a poll to find out whether that's true though. Of course, answering would cause their covers to break, so who knows how accurate it would be. :)

I could! But yes, not sure how useful. :)

And yes, I want to know when I typo or have multiple tags meaning the same thing (I found this one, because of your question).

[baratron.livejournal.com]

If most of the people you know are geeks and/or autistic spectrum and/or queer, then I would expect almost everyone you know to have felt like an alien for a large amount of time. However, this is unusual compared to "regular" humans, who generally only get it during puberty, unless they've experienced trauma.

Do you know lilairen from alt.poly? I dunno if she's still active there. She does a lot of writing on the "alien"/"martian" theme.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

If most of the people you know are geeks and/or autistic spectrum and/or queer, then I would expect almost everyone you know to have felt like an alien for a large amount of time.

Quite. Which is why I wasn't sure how useful a poll would be.

However, this is unusual compared to "regular" humans, who generally only get it during puberty, unless they've experienced trauma.

And this is why I was skeptical when corivax indicated belief that all people had this (but then, if one thinks of puberty, rather than most of one's life, that's accurate).

I have met lilairen once or twice, and read - and enjoyed - many of her posts. I don't really know her, though.

[jim-p.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... one thing I've said for a long time about Aspies is that we're like intelligent folks from another planet; we can think, we're sentient, we have feelings, but it's all wired differently than what you see in standard-issue humans. You need to use "first contact" protocol for any introductions...

Then again, ever notice that the vast majority of sentient aliens in science fiction are pretty "human" in their thought processes? It's rare that you see someone with a truly different, non-human, but sentient way of experiencing and relating to the universe....

Sounds like a book I should get too; much of what you describe feels very familiar...

[dajt.livejournal.com]

That's because it's difficult to have meaningful interaction with people that think very differently than humans do. And there are books about people who think differently than we do, but it's hard to make them interesting to a general audience. The one that immediately springs to mind is Rendrevous With Rama, but I'll think of others after I hit Send.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

Well, you still have
braaaains, brains,
comics, links.comics
day, today
glee, joy, love, shmoop (which I realize are not all the same)
griping, rant
health.sleep and sleep
information (which seems rather useless at the moment)
language, words, pronouns
meme.quiz, meme.quizzes
political, politics, links.political (which is often used as links, political)
poly, polyamory
quote, quotes
tactile sensation, touch

You may also want to create a People broad category
people.friends, people.family, people.joe, people.social, people.xtina, etc.

Bored now. I'll poke at them for more weirdness after some consolidation.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

braaaaains is actually other people's tasty brains.

Comics and links.comics, day and today, meme.{quiz,quizzes}, poly vs polyamory, quote vs quotes: all fixed.

griping and rant are not the same. Rant has far, far more energy behind it.

sleep vs health.sleep I agree with. Sleep is gone. The problem, I note, is that the initial tags entry with new posts doesn't let you pick from a list.

Why is information useless at the moment?

pronouns should be language, I agree. Words, however, isn't quite the same, as it tends to be definitions and my ability to find words. Not general language.

links.politics and politics are what remain; not all of my politics posts are links, but most are.

Oddly, touch and tactile sensation are different things in my head. Touch is usually relating to being in contact with people, where whatever is in contact with my skin tactily isn't important. Touch as (re)connection (which is what I'm going to rename that to).

Tactile stimulation encompases nice textured objects and scratching and such. Kinda like sensation play, but broader. Shall try to give that different words...

I could see a people broad category for actual people's names... but not for things like social or family or friends, I think. However, I think I would forget to use the broad category, which would make it less than useful.

Thank you! It's much harder for me to see the discrepancies in my own tags. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Ok, maybe I'll try to use people.[name]. :) We'll see!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

And... maybe... others.family, others,friends, others.social, others.connections, etc...

Because I see what you're saying, but I want different things for individual people and non-specific people.

I'll think on this.

And maybe emotions.glee, emotions.love, emotions.loss, emotions.schmoop?

Still thinking. :)

I _like_ categories, but they might confuse me. :)

[baratron.livejournal.com]

I have the "it couldn't possibly be true that anyone "liked" me" t-shirt too - see how I broke the heart of the first person who ever asked me out without realising (http://baratron.livejournal.com/331479.html). Oh joy. Got to love bullies who crush all the soul out of someone :/

I don't feel like a very good representative sample of "a woman", but I've never questioned that I'm human. I'm highly empathetic to other people's feelings and can read facial expressions and body language to the extent that I almost always know if someone is lying to me, but I don't know how to respond to it. It's like my problem is the opposite of most autistic people - most autistic people can't read the body language, but can learn appropriate responses. Whereas I see the body language clearly, but haven't yet learnt appropriate responses...

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

how I broke the heart of the first person who ever asked me out without realising.

Yeah...

I have no idea how I would have handled anyone who got up the guts to actually ask me to my face.

And your comments about not ever questioning your humanity makes me think that I _will_ go ahead and do that poll to see how many have and have not questioned it.

[baratron.livejournal.com]

Hmmm. Well, I've never questioned that I'm human, but at the same time I've often felt that "there must be something wrong with me". So, while knowing that I must be human, I've still spent most of my life feeling like an alien. If that makes sense.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Does make sense. I think it's a matter of degree. :)