[brains.self-awareness] possibility for change

[wispfox]

Something I am reminded of due to conversations I'm having...

At a very deep level, I believe that as long as any individual person lives, there is always possibility for change in that person and their life, however vanishingly small. I _have_ to believe that, or I lose a large part of what makes me who I am. Indeed, I lose a large part of how I became the person I am today.

For me, it's the difference between having any particular reason to believe that any specific person will change, and believing that there is possibility for change, as long as there is life.

And, not believing that takes away far too much of the joy, the hope, and the promise in life. Indeed, if I did not believe that, my next career path _could not_ be psychology (therapy, specifically). I have to believe in change. I note that I do not specify that the change is necessarily positive, although I tend toward being sufficiently optimistic that that is what I tend to think of when I say it. Change _at all_ is what I mean. Change and growth and learning and hope. I _need_ these things to remain sane. I do not want to live in a world that does not have them.

Comments

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

This is such an ingrained part of my understanding of the world that for a minute, I couldn't understand why you'd bothered to write the post out.  The only reason I'd ever write something like this out is because it touches on other areas of life, such as assumptions about people (ref. theferrett's post about his stepfather) and such.  That's usually when I find that someone (me or someone else, doesn't matter) has held more to a fixed image than a fluid one.

Past that, I don't think of "life is change" as a belief, so much as an observation.  So it's infinitely peculiar to read this post, which carries (to me) the tone of choice of belief.  The closest I can come to choosing not to "believe" this is choosing not to keep it in my head, choosing to cling to fixed things.  That's when I despair.

Weird!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hmm. It's not just that life is change. But that people, individual people, can change. I don't know why that distinction appears to matter in my head, but it does.

I don't ever want to rely on people changing in a way that I think is 'right', but neither do I want to think that anyone - ever - won't change. I'm again not sure why I felt like this needed clarifying...

I don't know why it felt word-needing. Possibly because I include trends, and other such things, in my 'change is possible' category? I don't know. Not sure how much sense I make today; low on sleep, although reasonably healthy again. :)

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

The primary category for me is "existance is change"; under that are things like "people", "culture", "rocks", whatever.  "People can change" is only more noteworthy because... I can't find the right words for it, but, social interactions are more emotionally charged, or have the potential for such, than other things.

It can sometimes be hard to remember, especially in the face of negative encounters.  "She's a worthless vile bitch" is poisonous, because I've closed off any possibility of her changing in my eyes, and because I've... introduced or reinforced closed-offedness in my own mind.  So it's important to remember that people can change (at all) both to increase the possibilities of future interaction (optimism!) and to not introduce rigidity to my own brain.

Past that, I think you're a nutter, but that's attractive to me in certain aspects, so.  :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Second paragraph: Yes. That. I have no idea if that was an attempted restatement of what I said, but that's what I was trying to say.

[johnpalmer.livejournal.com]

"People can change" strikes me as being a succinct statement of hope when dealing with humanity. It's easy to feel overwhelmed when there's a lot of nastiness... but people can change. It's easy to feel that you can't help a person, and maybe you can't while they're int he state they're in, but people can change.

But even if there's no real meaning to it, sometimes just saying something obvious helps you to remember that it's important and obvious.

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

I think this ties into the recommendation (from psychology) to, however angry you are at someone, only describe bad behaviour, bad actions. Verbs are fine, adjectives are borderline, and nouns are right out, because they imply lack of change.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

however angry you are at someone, only describe bad behaviour, bad actions.

Quite, yes, I can see this. If nothing else, describing someone - rather than behaviors - as something makes it more difficult for you, as well possibly as them, to comprehend that they might change or even have alreay done so.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Oh!  So, okay, I might be wrong here again, but I think I got it.

What I thought you were saying was something like, "I need to believe that people can change, it's a part of who I am."  I interpreted that as belief in something that may or may not be real, and I was startled, because I view change (in life, people, stones, whatever) as being an "Of course it exists!" thing.  Akin to you stating that, wrt believing in cars.

What I think you were actually saying was, you have to remember that people can change.  To keep it to the forefront, and not let negative emotions cause you to forget that basic truth.

Am I closer to understanding?