[random]

[wispfox]

Excellent evening last night, including lots of cuddling which I apparently desperately needed, based both on my mood improvement and a significant reduction of exhaustion last night.

Visited family today; still bemused by the degree to which this specific niece adores me. She has since she was _really_ small (6 months old?), which most children Just Don't Do. And it's not like I see her all that often. She's also one of the few children I know who don't drain me ridiculously after spending 5 hours around her, even considering she refused to nap because there were visiting people.

Nutty.


And, some linkage:

A born-again christian republican who voted for Kerry explains why. I think tafkar linked to this. And to the following:

Explaining why Gays and Lesbians need to get Black.

Fascinatingly, I think I'd not blink an eye at wearing a pin proclaiming that I am bi (but, keep in mind that I'm not in an area of the US that is known for being especially hateful about such things. And I'm female, which helps).

But... I think I _would_ be a little nervous (but likely would still do so) wearing a pin proclaiming that I'm poly. And I'm not sure _why_ I'd be nervous! Perhaps because I feel like I'd constantly have to be explaining it, and I just don't tend to have that kind of social energy...

Comments

[kkpixie.livejournal.com]

I must admit that I'm nervous about admitting to either (poly or bi) in Iowa.

I really don't think most of the people out here mean to discriminate or make me feel bad, it's just such a deeply ingrained response to go "Oh hey! She's different! AHHH!!! Different is.. I don't know! Attack mode!"

Eh. I would like to continue to believe that people are general good inside and keep personal information like that to myself. The less people know the less they can say, or so goes my theory.

Re: being nervous

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

I can understand being nervous.
When I was living in Virginia, I was rather public about being Pagan, Bi, Poly, and Switch. Most people took it as a part of my being weird and were fine with it as long as I didn't try to convert them. Some people even came to me to ask for help in understanding these things about someone they knew. It was good to be a resource.
Unfortunately, there is a bad side to that as well. I did receive two death threats in the ten years that I was there. On the other hand, the time that I was told that I was going to burn in hell, a devout Christian friend of mine that was with me gave the person a good talking to from a Christian perspective. That was neat.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Thanks for passing along these really amazing links. I've gotten a lot out of reading them.

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

I'm much more out as bi than poly for varying reasons. One is certainly that, fringe as it may be, I think in the liberal world I mostly live in being bi is reasonably acceptable. I am constantly boggled by the degree to which otherwise liberal people get into weird moral shit about poly stuff.

I also think that I mostly use challenging words to define myself only when they are words I'm pretty seriously committed to. (Among these are "bisexual," "pagan," "witch," and "feminist.") "Poly" is not a word or an identity to which I possess much commitment, which almost certainly makes me less interested in dealing with what being totally out would mean (or what I think it would mean) in my life.

[keyne.livejournal.com]

I used to be very much on that page -- incredibly out as bi (in national media), fairly quiet (except with friends) as poly. And yes, it was partly for moral-judgment reasons, partly because the poly model I operated under for many years was "open marriage, sleep with friends now and then" which felt like a thing-about-my-sex-life rather than an identity thing.

Then I fell in love with a non-primary partner, and my primary relationship remained stable, and I found myself in the position of identifying as poly. And now, oddly enough, I've almost entirely lost my investment in identifying as bi -- since the partners I'm in love with are both men, bisexuality has faded to a thing-about-my-sex-life and polyamory is the important thing. Go figure.

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

You know, despite the fact that I seem to lead a consistently and solidly poly life, I'm still not sure I can identify as poly. I don't know why this is. Maybe because it seems irrelevant in my dealings with most people? But it's not like I mind other people being out and saying "I'm poly!" I've got a similar reaction to "bisexual". I don't mind people using either of these descriptors on me, really, I'm just not sure I can use them on myself in anything but the most practical way (i.e. to a doctor).

But then, perhaps I just don't like describing myself, since you'd be hard pressed to get me to even admit I'm a woman, some days, and I'm not particularly interested in being FTM.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes. I have this, too.

But somehow, if I were to intentionally wander around with pins stating as much (oh, wait. Actually, I do... I have a "Bi, poly, switch; I'm not indecisive, I'm _greedy_" pin on my bookbag. I apparently manage to forget these things, probably because it's not something I do to be visible, but because I like the pin) - it's less about feeling a need to label myself, and more about making it more difficult for people to believe that they don't know 'those kinds of people'.

Of course, the specific pin I have seems to be one of those 'you don't know what it means unless you have reason to know what it means' things. I would probably be better off with something spelling out both bisexual and polyamorous.

If, of course, my goal were as conscious as I made it seem above, I probably _would_ hunt down such a pin. Or pins.

I wonder if I would feel comfortable wearing it when I finally do my wander around the country thing? One one hand, I kinda feel like I should. On the other, it's entirely likely that I'll be traveling just me and my cat for the most part. Hmm...

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Lack of social energy is a wonderful way to partially explain why I don't bother tell most people about such things. It's that plus a sense of, why bring it up if it's not appropriate to the conversation? It feels out of place and unecessary. I don't tell them what I've done with monogamous boyfriends, either.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

There are things that people don't need to know, and many of them don't want to know either. :)

As much as I like to promote knowledge, some people I'd rather keep ignorant.

[nex0s.livejournal.com]

aaaaand this is what the author is talking about.

see, i'm interracial, i'm bi, i'm poly.

i can keep quiet about being bi and poly but everyone will always know and see that i am black. i will NEVER be under the radar about it because it's my skin, my hair, my lips, my eyes. everything you see when you see me, whether you know me or not, is right there in your face black. so, whether or not i want to, i HAVE to deal with rascism both subtle and up front.

maybe that's what makes it easier for me to be out as bi and out as poly. i already don't have a choice in such a large part of my life, that just going those few steps further doesn't really bother me -- i've already not been promoted, been the first one let off, passed over for a job, and physically attacked, and called names. what can they do to me that hasn't been done already?

THAT's the point of the article.

she's saying that you CAN hide. but you are NEVER going to get what you want if you do.

n.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

And, in a vaugely related but more demonstrating how oblivious I can be kind of way...

I didn't notice/realize/insert some other word here that you were black until someone mentioned it. I then could see it, certainly, but apparently my ability to notice such things is somewhat less... useful than most.

This may be because I tend toward not noticing people's visual appearance, I don't know. It has tended to result in me accidentally offending people, since apparently some people think it's offensive to _not_ notice what color their skin is (or is not).

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

...

See, I think that being visibly [something] is different than telling people explicit details about what you do in your bedroom. (Or someone else's bedroom, for that matter. Or the kitchen, or...

*distracts self*)

I certainly don't bring up anything relating to my social life in out-of-context situations. But at the same time, I can certainly see the value of being openly 'one of those people' even if you don't give everyone and his brother intimate details about what that means. I mean, honestly, even if I were to be wearing such a labeling device, and someone asked, they'd only get a description of what it _means_, and not what I _do_. If the difference here is apparent? I hope I'm making sense...

[moosemonster.livejournal.com]

It's interesting to see the way things like Queerness is so much more hidden here (well, New England, at least) compared to other places I've lived where people are often very out, and nobody seems to mind.

One example is the way cars here sometimes have these very thin and subtle rainbow strips on the back. Back in Australia, these kind of stickers are much bigger, from what I recall (I guess I didn't really take much notice until seeing the tiny versions).

On the flipside, it's much more common here to have very big religious-themed bumper stickers on cars.

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

Well, I can't fit the larger ones on the back of my motorcycle, so all I've got is the pride strip on the back of my sissy bar ;P.

Oddly enough I've not even considered putting something on my car until now. Partially because one of the reasons I put it on the bike was to increase my visibility (as an object that a car shouldn't hit, not as queer), which I'm far less concerned about with my car. Partially because my motorcycle is far more an aspect of who I am than my car is (my car being a hand-me-down that's useful rather than something I went and chose that really is for fun and not practical purposes), so putting other aspects of my personal identity on it seems more natural.

But now I want a "Bisexual American" sticker. Right between my "Watch for Motorcycles!" and "Remember when conservatives protected privacy and freedom?" stickers.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Oh, my. Where did you get the latter sticker, the one about conservatives?! I want...

Want _badly_.

And hey, if you find 'Bisexual American' anywhere as a sticker or pin, I want to know where you find it!

[brynndragon.livejournal.com]

I got that sticker at Arisia, from the button lady. This page (http://www.instantattitudes.com/freedom.html) also has it for sale. As for the other, I've seen "bisexual pride" stickers but not "bisexual american" ones. I'll keep an eye out though.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

There are, BTW, multiple types of rainbow bumper stickers. Some are the thin strips you mention, some are more normal sized ones (generally saying things like "Celebrate Diversity").

I am having this bizarre inability to remember which (if any?) I have of the various types of rainbow stickers I have on my car... I think I have one...

[moosemonster.livejournal.com]

Yes. When I first saw your car I thought "Cool, who owns that?", given that I'd just seemingly landed on Puritan Planet. It was quite reassuring to see that it was either safe to drive around here with those kinds of bumper stickers or that there was someone who did it anyway.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

"Puritan Planet" - amused.

I've never had any problems relating to any of the stickers on my car (also noting that I have a "Pagan Voter" sticker), at least that I'm aware of.

The one pin/button/badge (I can't remember which word is useful, so I'm using them all!) I have on my bag doesn't seem to get reactions from those who don't have reason to know, so I suspect that the fact that 'bi' and 'poly' are not spelled out make it something only those who already know are likely to get.

The most I tend to get in relation to my car is comments of "cool stickers, whose car is that?" - which never fails to amuse me, since I'm usually walking with whomever says that.

Re: weekends

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Yay for cuddles. I was able to get some as well as sit in a hot-tub for a bit last night. I think it helped me deal with my family problems too. Thank you for the life update.