[SAD] Oh, hell...

[wispfox]

Yep. The season is here...


I've started to crave uppers intensely (dark chocolate is my friend, but as with all the ingested uppers that I'm aware of, they will make the other half of the equation - that of difficulty sleeping - worse), as an antidote to the fog that is starting to invade my brain and make thinking clearly about anything involving emotions, doing anything, and particularly _caring_ be difficult. Pain also seems to help with focus, so clenching my hand closed during the drive home (nails are good) helped. The problem with craving uppers this intensely is that I have to pay _much_ closer attention to how I get those uppers than normal.

I'm sure that part of this is simply that an early problem with the season is that I have much more problems getting myself to go to bed. So I'm tired physically, as well as mentally. I _will_ go to bed (with melatonin) before 11pm tonight. And, 'though it'll be harder to force myself to do, I need to work on getting access to the gym-like thing at work, and fucking _go outside_ when it's sunny out. No matter how cold it might be, how much work I have to do, or how much effort it might seem. (except that I need a new badge before I can do that, 'cause I can't get back in the building without causing other people a fair amount of annoyance at the moment)

I want an electric blanket to wrap myself in. Or perhaps comforting arms. Both would be nice. I want to be pet, soothed, cradled. I want tangible expressions of love, enough to drown in. I want to not need to think, to make decisions, to be in charge of anything.

I want the part of my mind that is starting to fall prey to the irrationality that goes with this season to have a hope of actually being able to do something about it, rather than (as I always do) fighting against it even though I know it won't matter in the end. I always come out fine on the other end.

I want the fog in my head to go away and leave me the hell alone! And not continue to get worse for the next few months. (it starts getting better after Feb)

I want to not want to cry for no particular reason, and for everything ever.

I want to not have to struggle to get everything and anything done, and to not feel like I'm fighting a losing battle.

I want everything and nothing. I want to be comforted, and I want to be left alone.

I don't want to be needy, but I _am_ needy. And I don't want to be a burden.

*sigh* Yeah, I guess this is more of a PSA than anything...

Comments

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Oh, you *really* are the person I should be getting together with now. Damn those miles.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know...

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

It's kinda sad, how sad I get hearing about your SAD.

8-/

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*laugh*

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Ah, so you stopped being sad? Yay!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Yep. Sleeping helped, and the fact that it wasn't dark out when I read and replied to your comment helped.

And the fact that I got lots of cuddling (skipped Psinging to go to Cat's instead) helped a _lot_. Still tired, but less strongly affected by the season, at least for the moment.

And now, I go visit family in RI.

[catya.livejournal.com]

*hugs!*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I intend to get some of those tonight. :)

[jasra]

*hugs* I wish I could make it January for you. Or at least live closer and hold you when you cry.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Well, January is part of the worst time of year for me, but at least I stop fighting it, and there will be many nifty people here, and it'll be closer to summer again...

[jasra]

Yeah, I figured that but I wasn't going to wish it to be February because then I'd have to figure out what I have to look forward to next.

I have another friend with SAD and she knows when she starts to get bad by if she's crying to tv commercials. I'm going over to her place this weekend to help her get it cleaned and get her new computer set up so she doesn't feel overwhelmed by the mess.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*wry* Actually, Feb is the latter part of the worst time of the year for me. _All_ of Feb sucks, the latter half of Jan sucks. So Jan is better. Nifty people!

I don't have crying at TV commercials, but I also don't watch TV much, if ever. :)

[randysmith]

*hugs*. Sorry, I wish there was more I could do ...

And I got another one where that came from.

[majes.livejournal.com]

Or perhaps comforting arms.

Raises hand attached to one of two comforting arms.

Just let me know; comforted or left alone - I can do either or, through some mysterious mechanism which few would understand, both.

Re: And I got another one where that came from.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

...

Both? *brain breaks*

Re: And I got another one where that came from.

[majes.livejournal.com]

*wipes hands across each other and looks satisfied* Well, that's done. Next.

[moosemonster.livejournal.com]

Would it help if we detached New England and towed it to the South Pacific? Perhaps somewhere between Hawaii and Fiji.

[majes.livejournal.com]

Oooo... good idea. Sure - some whiners will complain about all the tidal waves, earthquakes, and general chaos that this will cause but I say fah on them.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

General chaos!

(Is that a name, an occupation, or an occurence?)

[majes.livejournal.com]

It's friends would say "All three!" Ha! Boy, down at the HOTE* that would have had them rolling in the aisles. I guess it's only funny if you know General Chaos.

General Chaos was just recently promoted in fact. It used to be Lieutenant General Chaos but after it did all that work to get us into the war with Iraq, well, a promotion was in order. It's always been striking to me that an entity such as Chaos goes for such a rigid system of military ranking, but contrasts like that are just part of its nature, I suppose.

*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hee! Yeah, that would help an awful lot. I suspect a few people who also live here would mind, though.

[dancingwolfgrrl.livejournal.com]

This is probably silly, but just in case you haven't done it already, have you tried homeopathy and/or acupuncture and/or energy work of varying kinds? Some insurance programs will give you discounts on "alternative therapies." I dunno how likely they are to help you, but it sounds like at least trying something is likely to have some value?

Also, I will provide hot chocolate and hanging out on demand, and I live close to you! :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Energy work on myself, yes - but it tends to be difficult to get the initiative, and I'm never sure how much it helps. From other people, I tend to forget to ask.

homeopathy/acupuncture, no. I can check that out my next massage, because my massage therapist is in an office with (I believe) both. But I do need to remember to ask!

hot chocolate & hanging out on demand: don't I need some way more immediate than email to contact you for that, though? :) (and, thank you)