[touch]

[wispfox]

I'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.

Want touch.

Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.

I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).

This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.

(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)

[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538

[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]

Comments

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Hmm.

Item one. If I don't stretch them often enough (at least nightly), and even sometimes when I do, my legs basically tense up to a _seriously_ painful point, causing me to limp around until I've slept. Pain killers tend to help enough to allow me to sleep, but don't fully stop the problem. I think people have referred to this as a charley horse, but unlike most, they don't go away once I relieve the initial problem. Cold makes it happen more often, and not using them enough has the same effect.

Item two. My shoulder/neck/lower back muscles hate me. I don't entirely know what I'm doing wrong (other than that shoulders/neck is where I hold my tension). I think another part is that my posture isn't as good as it could be (although tends to be better than most because I _have_ to improve it in order to reduce random pain). I'm still trying to teach myself to use the best stance for standing available - something like knees slightly bent, pelvis forward, and shoulders back. I'm better with this when lying down, in that I push my pelvis forward with my knees bent, and then adjust to be more flat. My lower back is significantly less irritable with me once I got better about this.

Item three. General muscle pain seems to happen with great frequency - I suspect I generally hold too much tension in me, or something. After about three weeks (I get monthly massages), I _know_ I need the massage soon.

Exercise seems to help all of these things, especially the random leg pain (which is, by far, the most severe), but I'm terrible about getting excrcise if there is no other reason. I'm better if I have other people to be active with, or if I can walk places instead of driving.

Of course, I also get fairly frequent headaches, whose causes seem to be varied. Sometimes, tension. Sometimes, not eating often enough. Sometimes, musty air. Sometimes, my glasses are at an odd angle. The list continues, and I can't always tell _why_.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

I think you should have more regular massages.

Bad ouchies! *shakes finger at offending body regions*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

massages: I probably should, but not cheap, and not wanting yet more every or every other week commitments.