[touch]

[wispfox]

I'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.

Want touch.

Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.

I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).

This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.

(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)

[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538

[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]

Comments

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

But you’ve said you have a hard time reading me (you’re not the only person to say that, and it kind of bums me out), so I’m probably not on your feels-OK-to-touch list anyway.

Ok to touch, yes, or I'd not hug you. Someone I would necessarily seek such out from, not so much. Not being able to read someone makes touch _much_ less relaxing/comfortable.

AFA recpirical touch... I quite literally can't think of anyone that I would want to touch who I would _not_ want touch from.

I know of people who don't enjoy touch, so I would tend to not initiate it. And I know of people who I am _willing_ to be touched by, but who are not people I would generally initiate it with. That, I think, is the difference between the two - there are people I'm fine with touch from, but they are not people I would seek it out from, so they are not people who help much with my touch cravings. Generally, I think, due to a lower ability to relax with them.

I don't _think_ it's about worrying about someone wanting to recipricate, because of the above stuff about desire to touch a person automatically meaning (for me) that I'd appreciate the gesture in return.

Perhaps it's that people can misunderstand me being willing to be touched by someone as me actively wanting it, so I'm cautious about it? Because being willing to be touched by is a higher level of trust than no touch allowed at all, but indicates a lower level of comfort than me wanting to initiate it.

I don't know. I confuse me. :)

I seem also to be able to get a sense of a person _without_ being able to read them, which confuses me terribly. It's rare, but it happens. And those are one of the most difficult positions to be in for me, afa touch, because I have to not only have discussed it with them (fairly normal for me), but I also have to ignore my normal 'this person's body languge is not actively welcoming touch, so I won't' signals. Because some people's body language just _doesn't_, regardless of actual interest levels.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

I seem also to be able to get a sense of a person _without_ being able to read them, which confuses me terribly.

Well, getting a sense doesn't always involve body language. Interests, personality, etc.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*spontaneously feels really oblivious*

I _really_ should have known that, considering my oft difficulty with body language.

It _is_ true, however, that most of the time, an inability to read someone's body language means I can't get a good sense of them.

[bridgetester.livejournal.com]

:)

Lack of body languate won't help, no; it's a contributing factor, not the only one.