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wispfoxI'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 08:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 08:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:13 pm (UTC)What might help, at least with me, is getting there _with_ you. ie, coordinating a visit such that you're here, and I go to NYC with you, the same way you get there. (And detailed instructions on how to get _back_ here again!)
That'd reduce a major portion of my fear of cities, in that they are so overwhelming that I cannot process well enough to figure out how to get where I want to go. Better yet if you're patient enough to explain what we're doing, and how one goes about doing it later. (I don't have common sense. This likely explains part of the problem)
I doubt I'll ever _like_ a large city, but I can get better at navigating with sufficient help. I grew up in a small town. The difference is... daunting.
Just a thought. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:16 pm (UTC)Small towns are weird for me. I can handle them just fine, but they're not as comfortable. The people always seem less friendly and the options feel so limited.
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Date: 2004-10-06 09:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:36 pm (UTC)Well, except the 'within cities' part. I like suburbs.
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Date: 2004-10-06 09:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-07 02:37 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 09:39 pm (UTC)Noted. It'll be a while, unless you're willing to come to Boston at the beginning of a weekend, then go directly back to NYC. Because I don't have an awful lot of available vacation time...
And. I like suburbs, not small towns. Agreed on the not much to do in small towns; I grew up in one. In terms of preference, I like being _near_, but not in, a reasonably sized city (in terms of what is available to do, rather than actual size), so I have being close to lots of stuff to do and to lots of natural places to visit.