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wispfoxI'm quite annoyed by my weird hunger state.
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
Want touch.
Don't want to touch for fear of that touch not being wanted and/or because I'm not yet comfortable enough with people to be comfortable with random affectionate touch and or cuddling _from_ them (I appear to not be willing to do such to people I would not be comfortable receiving it from). This has been true for months. I wonder, to some extent, if this is partly affected by the fact that the person I see the most often is not someone I can know one way or another about touch interest. It's neither always unwanted nor always wanted, so I can't get to a good non-asking-required state about it, and it's a constant uncertainty.
I seriously need to find time to spend with people with whom I don't have to question if the touch is likely to be wanted or not, and with whom I am sufficiently comfortable (aka: I can read them reasonably well, and what I read is comfortable for me) that I would be interested in random affectionate touch. Perhaps I should rephrase that to needing to figure out who such people _are_, locally (since not locally doesn't really help).
This frustrates the hell out of me, especially since I know that winter is coming, and I tend to need touch _more_ then, and tend to be less good about asking for it. Gah.
(and, well, this also affects my interest in anything even vaguely sexual, since if I'm not sure that people would want touch, why would I think they want anything beyond touch? So, I won't initiate anything if I'm even vaguely uncertain)
[edit: A couple of my replies to comments seemed to also need to be pointed at from this main post. See below]
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2100514#t2100514
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wispfox/346914.html?thread=2101538#t2101538
[second edit: Sometimes, I really wish I were not so ridiculously dependant on touch! I mean, I like that I like it as much as I do. I do _not_ like that I need it as much or as often as I do]
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-06 05:28 pm (UTC)Yes. And it makes me worried about the feelings of those whose touch I reject for reasons of insufficient comfort (because there's a bunch of people I _like_, quite a lot, but am not comfortable with random affectionate touch from), when I then proceed to a) accept/initiate with someone else, or b) post things like this in my journal.
Although, at the moment, it seems to be more about my _own_ ability to cope with the case of me being comfortable enough with someone else to be affectionate, but either them not being someone I can easily do so with (ticklishness, not being fond of touch, whatever), or them not being someone who is sufficiently comfortable with _me_.
I think part of the problem may simply be the fact that I was so anti-social for so long. I've lost touch with the local people I know, for the most part, and it's difficult for me to recover from that when I'm in a needy state.