[sad, rant]
Jul. 27th, 2004 02:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxWhy must I lose friendships for things that did not happen? And, because of who I am and how I am, _would_ not happen, even should the friend in question not have been similarly trustworthy? I miss the friendship. I would have been perfectly _happy_ had it continued as the friendship that it was. I had not seriously considered any other possibilities due to lack of availability, regardless of the fears/expectations of said friend's significant other. But apparently having a close friendship with me is threatening for my friends' significant others, sometimes. At least that's not always true, I guess...
Why is it that being who I am seems to be so damn good at magnifying problems in the relationships of those with whom I spend a sufficient amount of time, all too frequently resulting in jealousy and/or the loss of said friendships? Sometimes I hate being a catalyst.
I don't like losing friendships. I never have. I like it even less when the reason is not within the friendship itself. The dislike increases yet more when I run into former friends with relative frequency, due to mutual social activities that I refuse to stop attending. Worse yet when I had a sufficiently strong bond with the former friend that I felt a need to remove the bond.
*sigh* I wish I coped _faster_, dammit!
[edit: tried to make things a little more clear]
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no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:24 pm (UTC)Dear, dear, dear Wispfox honey. Reading your post, I get the feeling that this is all a big Poly Thing, yes?
Do you sometimes get the feeling that your monogamous friends tend to be: "Perfectly okay with you being poly, as long as you don't do it in their presence??". I get that feeling sometimes. Some people that I know seem to be threatened by my poly-thoughts. As if I'm trying to "convert" them.
I don't know if this is what you're going through, or if I've just got Poly-on-the-brain, and my friends are right about me being a zealot. [sad shrug]
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:31 pm (UTC)Only if you count having close friendships with people as poly...
(in the micro-sense, my being poly may have something to do with it, but only maybe. Macro, which is what I was more talking about, no - not really)
All of that said...
your monogamous friends tend to be: "Perfectly okay with you being poly, as long as you don't do it in their presence??".
Um. No. But I also rarely have monogamous friends, at this point, due to a fair amount of complete lack of understanding of them (I Do Not Understand Monogamy. Not deep down). And I _have_ noticed that I've run into the jealousy of my friendship with people problem _way_ less often with healthily poly people. Note that I say 'healthily', though - being poly isn't enough, either. So I suppose it may more be about healthy relationships than about the type of relationship. Because people in healthy relationships are far less likely to feel threatened by an outside party, because they are secure in it and themselves.
In fact, a friend being poly but in a monogamous relationship might actually _increase_ the likelyhood of me losing the friendship (the last two times this has happened, this has been the case). Perhaps as if I might cause said friend to be less happy in the monogamous relationship, or something, by being a reminder of other options. I don't know.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:41 pm (UTC)In fact, a friend being poly but in a monogamous relationship might actually _increase_ the likelyhood of me losing the friendship
Well that's ME. Poly in a monogamous relationship. I honestly Do Not Understand Monogamy either. My lovely loveli wifey is very accepting of my poliness, as long as I don't really act on it. But my other friends seem like I'm a threat to their monogamous relationships.
Sorry for my Obsessive Poly Disorder, but that's what I thought you were talking about originally. [blush]
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:49 pm (UTC)But my other friends seem like I'm a threat to their monogamous relationships.
Possibly because you are demonstrating the existence of other options?
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:51 pm (UTC)Possibly because you are demonstrating the existence of other options?
I guess so, but that IS the definition of the word "option", isn't it? :P Nobody HAS to be poly.
no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 07:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-27 08:05 pm (UTC)I was just thinking yesterday how I should really feel threatened by monogamy!! :D I mean, if I were in a poly relationship with 3 different people, if one of them enters a monogamous relationship, I LOSE them. But as long as everyone's poly, there's sharing, for the most part.
I'm sorry, I got way off topic here. [blush again]
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 01:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 01:26 am (UTC)Wow, I thought I was getting off topic... [winks at you]
no subject
Date: 2004-07-28 01:38 am (UTC)