(no subject)

[wispfox]

Today's calendar quote:

"Our primary relationship is really with ourselves... Our relationships with other people constantly reflect exactly where we are in the process." -Shakti Gawain


And, in a 'huh' kind of way, I was somewhat surprised to note that I have a fairly strong twinge at the word 'life-long'. And, in investigating my brain, that seems to apply to _everything_. I apparently don't expect anything to be life-long, ever. Me wonders if that has something to do with how much I expect to continue changing, based on past experience, and perhaps with a certain amount of distrust of other people sticking around.

Weird. And interesting. I shall have to keep a mental eye on that reaction, to see how/if it changes.


*simultaneously bouncy and tired today*

Comments

[jul3z.livejournal.com]

I think it's something that our generation has a problem with, especially compared to what our parent's grew up with. Cars lasted forever, so did appliances and you lived in the same house your life and worked the same job, in the same city, married forever to the same person. None of those things apply these days.

we're so used to everything being temporary that life-long is an outdated concept.

[majes.livejournal.com]

'life-long'

I certainly understand the feeling; however, for me, this the ground on which "faith" is taking its last stand in my otherwise most pragmatic mind. There is a part of me that really, really wants to believe in relationships that last the rest of my life in a stable, happy, satisfying place. I don't have illusions of it looking one particular way (say as a Marriage, for example) but I do hold out hope for the possibility of such a thing. The problem is that I don't have any empirical evidence in my own life of such a thing. Other people have told me about people they know that stayed in happy, loving relationships through until the end of their lives, but those are all just legends to me. My own grandparents on both sides got married and stuck it out, but I never observed either of those pairings as having particularly close, loving relationships. Maybe they just weren't expressive in front of me or some such, but I really got more of an impression of a kind of cold, settled-ness, with them living in the same house, yet seeming to be apart more than I got "we've grown old together and we're still glad to be there."

Re: life-long

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Well, especially in relation to this quote, there is one relationship that you have that will always be life-long — your relationship with yourself.

I find that from another standpoint many/most relationships are life-long in that the relationship continues to influence me in a variety of ways well past the extent of the actual relationship...

[beowabbit]

I don't really have that twinge; on the contrary, when we (five of us!) bought our house some years ago, I had hoped that that was going to be a life-long household, and have been saddenned as successive bits of it have proven not to be (although for some of the bits its been my own decision).

Out of curiosity, is there anything you can plug into the phrase "lifelong commitment to _______" that doesn't give you the heebie-jeebies? There are certainly things I can plug in there, but they're all abstractions like "honesty".

("Lifelong commitment to x" is a different kind of phrase for me than "lifelong x". A lifelong relationship is an appealing thing to me, if it works out that way. A lifelong commitment to a relationship suggests an obligation, suggests doing things out of duty even if I wouldn't otherwise choose to. I've certainly done my share of that, but I don't think it's a healthy mindset to encourage in myself.)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Primary relationship with self - When I see someone I love being mean to themselves, I'll ask if they'd be that mean to anyone else they loved, and that I'm understandably upset seeing them be that mean to someone I love. I know someone who married themselves kinda to enshrine that, I think.

Lifelong - I think "indefinite" is more useful. I sometimes say any vows I'd make would basically be "until we don't want to anymore".

Bouncy & tired - I almost feel sorry for the tiredness. Almost.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I find that from another standpoint many/most relationships are life-long in that the relationship continues to influence me in a variety of ways well past the extent of the actual relationship...

True. Very, very true. *contemplates*

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

anything you can plug into the phrase "lifelong commitment to _______" that doesn't give you the heebie-jeebies?

Myself.

My cat (his lifetime).

Many abstractions, including things like honesty, hope, joy, etc.

Beyond that? No.

"Lifelong commitment to x" is a different kind of phrase for me than "lifelong x".

Yes. But it's similar enough in my head that it causes a similar reaction. The closest I get is that I _do_ have friendships I expect to be lifelong. But they have all existed for at least 4 (5?) years. And that appears to be as close as I'm willing to think of things as lifelong (ie, friendship). Perhaps because there is no implied anything beyond continuing to be friends? I don't know. Must investigate this in my head more thoroughly.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Lifelong - I think "indefinite" is more useful. I sometimes say any vows I'd make would basically be "until we don't want to anymore".

Yes. And I understand/follow this. But I'm curious about/somewhat surprised by/fascinated by my reaction to the word 'lifelong'. So I investigate my brain about it. :)

Bouncy & tired - I almost feel sorry for the tiredness. Almost.

*laugh* I don't even get to 'almost', personally!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Mmm. This might be it.

And yet, my parents have been together for 40 years, this year. My grandparents on my dad's side were together until my grandmother died, and _happy_ together.

*shakes head* I don't know...

It feels like this relates to a fairly core-level _something_ in me, and like this is something important for me to understand about myself. Not sure.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I do understand having twitches beyond any reasonable sense of proportion to specific words.


*laugh* I don't even get to 'almost', personally!

[adoration]

[jirikido.livejournal.com]

hmmm i personally like the concept of "lifelong commitments". but i think the caveat is that it lasts as long as it should, rather than some ironclad forever-and-ever thing.

i see it as more of situation in which you receive an annual subscription notice on the relationship, examine it carefully, think about it, but have a strong propensity for renewal of the subscription and all that implies.

people change, and their needs change. i just know what is in my heart when i say "lifelong commitment", as i've been with my primary sweetie for 20 years in november :).

[angelovernh.livejournal.com]

I don't believe anything lasts forever, either. Erm.. and I think I use "forever" interchangeably with "lifelong", as I define forever as for the rest of my life (incarnation) or perhaps longer. Most specifically, I don't think I believe in relationships lasting forever in the same way. I have maintained LOVE even after relationships have ended, but I'm not sure it's returned.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I do understand having twitches beyond any reasonable sense of proportion to specific words.

Good! Because I keep doing it at you! :)