how do habits work for you all?

[wispfox]

One of the books I read for one of my class talked about habits as if people do them without thinking about it. I don't think I do that - even brushing my teeth and flossing are things I have to use mental energy to start. And if I want to do them well, bring mindful about it is necessary.

I think the closest I get is getting dressed in the morning - but that's largely because I have clothing set up to be without many decisions required. So I grab the clothing and put them on, but even then I still have to think about it to not have them inside out and buttoned up right if they have multiple buttons.

Do your habits require any energy to initiate? Do you do them well or right even without paying attention? I'm trying to understand why the book would talk about adding additional habits to existing ones to make them habits as well.

I do wonder if this relates to my difficulty doing anything (except class or work, which require that) more regularly than every two weeks, or exercise that isn't because I have another reason besides exercise to do them.

And doing things that require scheduling even as often as every two weeks. Of course, I know scheduling and estimating time is really hard for me, so that last bit may be that.

Comments

[lb_lee]

We rely INTENSELY on habits because they require so much less energy than consciously pondering and planning everything out. Our daily walking route goes past the main places we may want to go (post office, library, thrift shop, grocery store), so we're more easily able to ship orders, get food, etc. We keep the same food so our basic planned recipes can be easily made without "oh shit I need bread," "oh shit how do I get the bread," mental pileups of despair.

If we didn't have habit chains, we would never get ANYTHING done while episode-hungover. We would have long since starved to death.

[wispfox]

Fascinating. Is it correct to believe that you do in fact just do the things when you would normally do them without having to think about it, or is there activation energy to start them?

(I had no idea this was a way I was unusual, assuming I even am understanding this correctly)

[lb_lee]

Rogan: Activation energy is still required, just far less of it. And a true habit, for us, causes psychological discomfort if NOT followed. (If I can't go on my walk, I get tetchy. Missing more than a day or two, even for valid reasons like illness, make me REALLY squirrely unless I am REALLY sick.)

If a habit gets broken or needs major deviation (f'rex, if I MUST do something on the computer BEFORE walking, rather than later) my performance (and thus my sanity/self-maintenance) noticeably lowers.

[wispfox]

Huh! Ok, then I definitely do not do habits like most people. There's nothing that I do regularly that causes psychological discomfort if I skip it, and that description matches what I've heard about habits. (Physical discomfort, sure - hunger or legs needing to move, but nothing psychological).

No wonder I struggle to stretch, exercise, or other useful physical health things regularly!

[lb_lee]

Another note is, since my sanity is damn near always my lowest resource, I often due things in more "labor-intensive" ways because my body's strength can compensate for my mind's weaknesses. Many people can skip a walk no problem, but I can quickly get sanity rot if I don't maintain these weird habits, all of which have small but significant effects.

Habits are another way I compensate for my batshit, reducing sanity strain.

[wispfox]

Yeah, it totally makes sense. I'm not really sure what I would do were I in your situation - going for walks is absolutely a mental health as well as physical health things for me, as well, although not to your degree.

I wonder if the reason you have to do it being so powerful has helped - like, does having such a strong negative effect make your brain make the connection and cause psychological distress if you skip? I realize that you have no way to know the answer to this! :)

[lb_lee]

Hmmmm. Thinking about it, it might be in part, we HAVE to pay attention to minor, niggling things that people with more gas in the tank can freely ignore, because the consequences for them are less extreme. If they skip a walk, maybe they'll just feel a little blah, and that's no big deal, while we need to conserve every scrap of sanity we can, and "a little blah" is thus more expensive. (And the AWARENESS of that makes us more alarmed about it, like how someone with little money will agonize over buying a book.)

(See also: why there are many things people do for recreation that we just flat-out cannot do safely. Weed, for instance, is a fine fun thing for many people, but we have low enough sanity that introducing ANY unknown psychoactive chemicals is likely a bad idea. Ditto corporeal sex: a fun diversion for many, an express train to Crazytown for us.)

[lb_lee]

Rogan: OH! Also, one other thing: the psychological discomfort of not fulfilling a habit happens regardless of whether said habit is GOOD or not.

This is why we have to be super careful what habits we build and what behaviors we repeat. It's one thing if we feel a nagging "I need to floss/brush my teeth" discomfort, it's another completely if we get tetchy if we don't mindlessly check [insert website here] a certain number of times. This can lead to a sorta vicious cycle of creating a bad habit, which causes psychological discomfort, which we try to fend off by more perfectly following the habit, leading to more discomfort...

[wispfox]

Oh _wow_, I can see that as being a problem. Is it particularly easy for you to create an accidental habit like that? Like is it a certain number of repetitions?

[lb_lee]

I dunno that "easy" is the right word, but it is fully possible for us to build a really bad habit by accident without noticing. It's why we've had to not be on social media; those sites are ALL ABOUT building that obsessive checking habit, and we don't have it in us to fight the designers all the time. It also required a fair amount of effort to build our rest/stretch breaks into our way of working.

I dunno that it's a certain number of reps so much as reps and social pressure/obligation to continue the habit. (See also: the professional handicap of not being on social media, of not having a smartphone, etc.) It's harder to resist a bad habit when a lot of people around you are pressuring you to build it.

[wispfox]

Oh, I see. Yes, things that are set up to cause habits would definitely be a problem! And the fact that they are unpleasant to do long-term would go poorly with habit formation.

I guess I'm glad that habits work weirdly on me. I was sad to leave Facebook for the loss of access to my extended family's lives, but otherwise it was not a problem.

[lb_lee]

Yeah, for us, leaving social media requires a whole detox period where we just have to wait out the mounting discomfort of not fulfilling the habit until it finally stops, and then make sure NOT TO REPEAT THE BEHAVIOR (because old habits are easier to resurrect than new ones)