love vs in love

[wispfox]

It's funny that there's concepts that are _really_ difficult to explain, and yet - at least for me - clearly different.

While falling asleep last night, I found one difference that I think is consistently true (for me) between loving someone and being in love with them.

People I love, when I think of them, it's a warm, happy they exist kind of feeling.

People I'm in love with, in addition to this, is more of a... so much love it doesn't feel like it can be contained in me. It wants to spill out (often resulting in me telling someone I love them) and feels a bit like I imagine it felt when the Grinch's heart grew three sizes.

It's... bigger, I guess.

Poll time!

[Poll #1993483]

Comments

[randysmith]

I can't seem to "View Answers" on either of the specifics. Dunno if you intended that, it's a by-product of how you setup the poll, or there's a bug in my browser :-}.

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

Part of the poll -- "detailed results viewable to: None"

[randysmith]

Whoops, thanks for clarifying.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Was not convinced people would answer if everyone could see the answers! :)

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

I've long said that for me, to love someone is about them. I want them to have good opportunities, I want to help remove obstacles, I want to assist with challenges, and I want them to have nice things. It is entirely about how I want them to be and to feel.

For me, to be in love with someone is actually all about me and how I am and feel. Falling in love overlaps considerably with NRE in that I am preoccupied with them and I crave engagement and entanglement with them. It acts as a multiplier or coefficient on all my feelings (side effect: causes me to feel it more with anyone else I love and am in love with). It amplifies my generosity and my eloquence. I am moved to say and do grand things that are equal to the size of my feelings.

It doesn't feel bigger than me, but I do understand the impulse to let it fill the space available.

[australian-joe.livejournal.com]

Also relevant:

http://www.brainpickings.org/2013/01/28/love-2-0-barbara-fredrickson/

[blk]

My feelings on love have been complicated and confusing to me since... oh, I don't even remember. My divorce? When I realized I think I fall into relationship too hard and then freak out because I'm smothered and make sure they self-destruct in some way. Well, I stopped the destruction but ended up with a timidity of intimacy.

So if I look at friendships and people from a purely analytical pov, like how much I value them as a person and like to be around them and want them to be happy and shit, I can say that I love many people, and I try to break my mental block and say so when I can. But it's hard for me. I think that being "in love" is different, kinda like you described, but I have hidden from it for so very long that i'm not sure anymore.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Interesting! Thank you for sharing. :)