Changing one's past, changing one's self

[wispfox]

People seem to like posing questions about what they might do differently, if they had the choice to go back in time and change things in their lives.

The funny thing about this is that, _even during my worst moments_, there has never been a time I wanted to go back and change things.

This is partly because I always think of it in terms of knowing what I knew then, were there other choices for me to make, and _not_ with the knowledge I have gained since then. And partly because everything I have done, been, and gone through has made me who I am now. And I like who I am, even with my various flaws and things I want to work on.

Some (most?) of the stuff that sucked was effectively life giving me a slap upside the head to teach me something that it'd been trying to teach me for years. In all cases, I eventually got the point - it just took a lot, sometimes. And often took other people's perspectives, since I'm pretty bad at figuring out what general concept belongs with a bunch of specific examples.

Some of the stuff that sucked was simply a part of growing up in the family I grew up in. There was nothing I could have done differently without also being someone other than myself.

So, now, I find myself wondering. Those of you reading this post - how do you answer the original question? Would you change things in your past? Either way, why?

A similar question would be whether or not one would change stuff that is integral to themselves. In my case, the one thing which I would most want to change is the seasonal affective disorder.

However, I think that I would not. It has taught me quite a lot. It has also made me much stronger, and much better at handling emotional distress and irrationality.

Although, it would be nice to not have to fix up my sentence structure so other people can read it! *shrug* Not sure if I'd change it, though, because I don't know what other effects on my brain changing that would have...

Comments

[echospiralheart.livejournal.com]

I had done this in my journal but then deleted it. :)

I think about the situation when my best friend and I ended living as roommates. It was bad. We almost parted never to speak again. I ran into her in the apartment in those last couple of weeks. Alex's mom was in the hospital because of a car accident and it didn't look good. There was a lot of pain in me and I know in her too. I remember telling her "I never meant to hurt you." It was those simple words that began the healing process of our friendship and what led to her truly being my best friend. while I am sorry for a lot of things from then. I understand so much more of what was going on better now than I did at the time. But ... those hard times ... those misunderstandings ... they've helped make our friendship stronger. And it is strong. So even though I am sorry about a lot of things from then, I wouldn't change it. And I will always be grateful for having told her that "i never meant to hurt her."

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

"I never meant to hurt you."

Sometimes, it's the smallest things which make the most difference.

But, in cases like this, only really strong friendships will survive, or want to. None else are worth it.

[echospiralheart.livejournal.com]

See. This goes back to what I was writing a couple weeks ago ... People are generally good people. They don't want to hurt others. They want to be there etc. etc. But what makes it worth the effort for one person and not for others? My friendship with her was just about over ... we almost didn't survive ... yet those simple words brought the friendship back together. Why? I think it was more than just the fact that we had had friendship. What? I don't really know. :)