Changing one's past, changing one's self
Mar. 9th, 2004 09:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxPeople seem to like posing questions about what they might do differently, if they had the choice to go back in time and change things in their lives.
The funny thing about this is that, _even during my worst moments_, there has never been a time I wanted to go back and change things.
This is partly because I always think of it in terms of knowing what I knew then, were there other choices for me to make, and _not_ with the knowledge I have gained since then. And partly because everything I have done, been, and gone through has made me who I am now. And I like who I am, even with my various flaws and things I want to work on.
Some (most?) of the stuff that sucked was effectively life giving me a slap upside the head to teach me something that it'd been trying to teach me for years. In all cases, I eventually got the point - it just took a lot, sometimes. And often took other people's perspectives, since I'm pretty bad at figuring out what general concept belongs with a bunch of specific examples.
Some of the stuff that sucked was simply a part of growing up in the family I grew up in. There was nothing I could have done differently without also being someone other than myself.
So, now, I find myself wondering. Those of you reading this post - how do you answer the original question? Would you change things in your past? Either way, why?
A similar question would be whether or not one would change stuff that is integral to themselves. In my case, the one thing which I would most want to change is the seasonal affective disorder.
However, I think that I would not. It has taught me quite a lot. It has also made me much stronger, and much better at handling emotional distress and irrationality.
Although, it would be nice to not have to fix up my sentence structure so other people can read it! *shrug* Not sure if I'd change it, though, because I don't know what other effects on my brain changing that would have...
The funny thing about this is that, _even during my worst moments_, there has never been a time I wanted to go back and change things.
This is partly because I always think of it in terms of knowing what I knew then, were there other choices for me to make, and _not_ with the knowledge I have gained since then. And partly because everything I have done, been, and gone through has made me who I am now. And I like who I am, even with my various flaws and things I want to work on.
Some (most?) of the stuff that sucked was effectively life giving me a slap upside the head to teach me something that it'd been trying to teach me for years. In all cases, I eventually got the point - it just took a lot, sometimes. And often took other people's perspectives, since I'm pretty bad at figuring out what general concept belongs with a bunch of specific examples.
Some of the stuff that sucked was simply a part of growing up in the family I grew up in. There was nothing I could have done differently without also being someone other than myself.
So, now, I find myself wondering. Those of you reading this post - how do you answer the original question? Would you change things in your past? Either way, why?
A similar question would be whether or not one would change stuff that is integral to themselves. In my case, the one thing which I would most want to change is the seasonal affective disorder.
However, I think that I would not. It has taught me quite a lot. It has also made me much stronger, and much better at handling emotional distress and irrationality.
Although, it would be nice to not have to fix up my sentence structure so other people can read it! *shrug* Not sure if I'd change it, though, because I don't know what other effects on my brain changing that would have...
no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 08:38 am (UTC)which is not to say that i've never wanted to change decisions that i've made. but to retroactively go back and 'fix' them now? no thanks.
it's sort of a past vs. future thing. if i went back and changed things about my life, i might have been happier in the past. but would i be happier today, or tomorrow? who knows.
(i'll stop now, before the tenses get REALLY confusing. :)
no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 12:05 pm (UTC)which is not to say that i've never wanted to change decisions that i've made. but to retroactively go back and 'fix' them now? no thanks.
it's sort of a past vs. future thing. if i went back and changed things about my life, i might have been happier in the past. but would i be happier today, or tomorrow?
What he said. Without the unhappiness-in-love (including some wrenching breakups and a painful divorce) that led me forward, I wouldn't have Tim or John in my life. I might very well have had kids with someone who wouldn't be the excellent parent Tim is, and who I wouldn't want to co-parent with long-term. I doubt I'd have the comfortable lifestyle or range of choices I have now.
The one thing I have some mild regret about these days is that I didn't use my chances to go take some adult-education courses when we had more time and money. <shrug>