Changing one's past, changing one's self
Mar. 9th, 2004 09:44 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wispfoxPeople seem to like posing questions about what they might do differently, if they had the choice to go back in time and change things in their lives.
The funny thing about this is that, _even during my worst moments_, there has never been a time I wanted to go back and change things.
This is partly because I always think of it in terms of knowing what I knew then, were there other choices for me to make, and _not_ with the knowledge I have gained since then. And partly because everything I have done, been, and gone through has made me who I am now. And I like who I am, even with my various flaws and things I want to work on.
Some (most?) of the stuff that sucked was effectively life giving me a slap upside the head to teach me something that it'd been trying to teach me for years. In all cases, I eventually got the point - it just took a lot, sometimes. And often took other people's perspectives, since I'm pretty bad at figuring out what general concept belongs with a bunch of specific examples.
Some of the stuff that sucked was simply a part of growing up in the family I grew up in. There was nothing I could have done differently without also being someone other than myself.
So, now, I find myself wondering. Those of you reading this post - how do you answer the original question? Would you change things in your past? Either way, why?
A similar question would be whether or not one would change stuff that is integral to themselves. In my case, the one thing which I would most want to change is the seasonal affective disorder.
However, I think that I would not. It has taught me quite a lot. It has also made me much stronger, and much better at handling emotional distress and irrationality.
Although, it would be nice to not have to fix up my sentence structure so other people can read it! *shrug* Not sure if I'd change it, though, because I don't know what other effects on my brain changing that would have...
The funny thing about this is that, _even during my worst moments_, there has never been a time I wanted to go back and change things.
This is partly because I always think of it in terms of knowing what I knew then, were there other choices for me to make, and _not_ with the knowledge I have gained since then. And partly because everything I have done, been, and gone through has made me who I am now. And I like who I am, even with my various flaws and things I want to work on.
Some (most?) of the stuff that sucked was effectively life giving me a slap upside the head to teach me something that it'd been trying to teach me for years. In all cases, I eventually got the point - it just took a lot, sometimes. And often took other people's perspectives, since I'm pretty bad at figuring out what general concept belongs with a bunch of specific examples.
Some of the stuff that sucked was simply a part of growing up in the family I grew up in. There was nothing I could have done differently without also being someone other than myself.
So, now, I find myself wondering. Those of you reading this post - how do you answer the original question? Would you change things in your past? Either way, why?
A similar question would be whether or not one would change stuff that is integral to themselves. In my case, the one thing which I would most want to change is the seasonal affective disorder.
However, I think that I would not. It has taught me quite a lot. It has also made me much stronger, and much better at handling emotional distress and irrationality.
Although, it would be nice to not have to fix up my sentence structure so other people can read it! *shrug* Not sure if I'd change it, though, because I don't know what other effects on my brain changing that would have...
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-09 08:22 am (UTC)My brother and his friend Jon were once walking through their old high school. It was about 3 years since they'd graduated. My brother says: "What would you do if you could just do it all over again, knowing what you know now?". Jon replied "I would've said something...".
Which just perfectly describes exactly what I wish I had done growing up. I wish I had "said something".
--- "Yeah, go ahead, send me to the Principal's office for speaking out of turn."
--- "I'm sorry, did you just call me a 'nerd', you fucking no-neck mosquito-dick jock?"
--- "Hey, I know I'm not the most popular guy in school, but would you like to go to the Spring dance with me?"
--- "Yes, this IS an X-men comic book I'm reading, would you like to borrow it when I'm finished?"
--- "Yes, I would like to try out for a part in the school play, when are auditions?"
--- "Dude, you can't go around punching other kids just because they're littler than you!"
--- "I might enjoy some sports more if I knew the rules a little better. Could you teach me?"
--- "I think I want to dye my hair green with light blue accents. Where do I go to have that done?"
I wish I could just go back and take a "do-over", Knowing what I know now. I wouldn't have put up with the whole psychodrama of high-school. (and college, now that I think of it) I would have hit on more pretty girls. I would have tried out for more things. I wouldn't have been the quiet kid that sat in the back and avoided all human contact.
don't get me wrong, it's not that my life SUCKS now, I just really wish I could do it over again. On a daily basis. :(