BDSM community and the prevalence of bi, poly, switches

[wispfox]

Cutting this because not everyone reading may _care_.


Someone recently asked on their journal what it is with the BDSM community and the prevalence of bi, poly, switches.

I thought about it, and have no idea how sensible my reply was, but thought I'd share it anyway.

Note that I really have no idea how accurate the initial statement about the prevalence of bi, poly, switches _is_, as I'm not very strongly a part of any BDSM communities. Then again, I'm not very strongly a part of _any_ communities...

My thoughts:

"Probably because people rarely start questioning who they are outside of the so-called "norm" unless they have multiple, or very, very _strong_, reasons to do so.

This can mean that someone is very determinedly _not_ normal in a specific manner (or a small number of them), or that they have a variety of things about themselves that are not normal. And if one is exploring one of them, why not explore all of them?"

Comments

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Hmm. Well, I'm not exactly a part of the community, either... I just dance around the edges. Like you, I avoid joining groups. However... I rarely seem to meet switches, usually just pure tops or bottoms. It's rather frustrating, really.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

I have kind of the opposite problem - I'm a switch, and I strangely meet a bunch of switches, and very few pure tops or bottoms.

While that's good and all, it doesn't lend itself to purity and focus, and sometimes I really want the focus that comes with sticking with one side of the Force.  :)

[cutieperson]

if'n you lemme know what you are lookin for i can point you at the purists.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'd like the Toppish Value Meal, side of canes, with a Sprite, please!

*amused*  Didn't know I could order such things!  I am specifically looking nowadays for someone to administer a good caning kthx, but I tend to require that I know the person first.  Can't get into it otherwise.

[cutieperson]

new icon, just for you! (the value meal made me think of fries)

i um, know someone who could fill that order. dunno if zee chemistry is there, or if you require such things...

[underwatercolor.livejournal.com]

I heart the icon. :)

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Oh eh, even possibilities enhearten me nowadays.  We(you+I) never signed anything that said it had to work out, yknow.  :)

Also, I lurv the icon.  :D

[moominmolly.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Force.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Sprite.

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Ah. ^^ I'm a switch, but I really like other switches.

[ladytabitha.livejournal.com]

Why, if I may be so nosy?

[regyt.livejournal.com]

Certainly you may.

Mmm... the challenge and the risk of it.

Re: switches

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

It's been my experience that there those that do nothing but topping that are wishy-washy and those that switch that you would wish are not quite a pure in focus in what they are doing. It really depends on the person rather than the power-exchange orientation.

[beowabbit]

I think this sort of thing varies from community to community. I'm also sort of dancing around the edges of the BDSM community (ironically, I'm more plugged into it on O'ahu), but my sense is that Boston has a lot more switches, proportionally, than O'ahu. (Folks on O'ahu are also very strict about capitalization.)

I agree with your thoughts above, but also to some extent there's a sort of critical mass: Once you get a sufficiently large proportion of (say) bi people in your birdwatching group, other people in the birdwatching group are going to start seeing it as normal to be bi, and might be more likely to consider it themselves. So a community with lots of bi poly switches is a recruiting tool on all those axes! Yay recruiting tools!

*/me dreams of a vast army of bi poly switches marching on the White House.*

[catya.livejournal.com]

huh. in my immediate web (say, n+4), there seem to be a of female bi switches and a lot of male straight tops. interesting, huh? (not exclusively so in either case. but as a trend...)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Huh! Very interesting. And about accurate for how my immediate web works, although the guys are not completely straight. Just mostly.

[catya.livejournal.com]

yep, and the women are just mostly bi...

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

and the women are just mostly bi...

Actually, yes - for the most part, this is true, too. :)

[hawkegirl.livejournal.com]

Nah, it's just because that's what all the cool kids are doing! ;P

[epi-lj.livejournal.com]

As someone who's bi and poly but nothing else, I'm not sure that the multiplicity of "outre" traits had a whole lot to do with it for me, but I will say this: Once you've come to terms with one beyond-the-norm aspect, grappling with the others is easier. I imagine for the people who have much more than I, that by the time they hit their fifth or whatnot, it was just like waking up and thinking, "Oh. Hey, check it out: I get turned on by people who can paint lemurs without looking at the page. Neat. Pass the salt."

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Once you've come to terms with one beyond-the-norm aspect, grappling with the others is easier."

Yes. Which is, I think, where my original comment came from. :)