So I claimed I'd talk about my dislike of transition states...

[wispfox]

Transition states, all on their own, aren't really that bad, as long as they don't go on too long. But my idea of 'too long' seems to be shorter than most, as I have low tolerance for them.

Transition states, in my head, include things like traveling to places where the act of getting there is existing for only that reason. Examples includes driving to a place or a plane trip - in both cases, there are time constraints of some sort, and one is trapped in a fairly small location for a specific amount of time. I seem to _not_ have this problem with cruises (the one time I was on one), probably because the travel is just as much a part of the trip as the destination, and one is not trapped in such a small location.

It also includes things like not knowing what the state of a close relationship is. This can be simply because it's still being sorted out, but other reasons can often include a pending ending of one sort or another. I don't _like_ not knowing what someone I'm close to is in relation to me for a very long period of time. It drains me. Not _knowing_ things drains the hell out of me. (that said, for the initial getting to know people period, I _expect_ this drain, and the fact that they are new and shiny helps offset this some. But it still drains.)

I seem to recall having been told (or read) that a sign of asperger's syndrome is a difficulty with change. I begin to suspect that it's not _change_ that is the problem (for me, at least), but transition states. Change is fun, and interesting, and new. New places are great, new people and new relationships are great, once you _get_ there. Getting to the new places in terms of location and in terms of relationships with people is not so great. It can be interesting, fascinating, enjoyable, etc - but only for a certain amount of (variable) time before it starts being a drain and not a bonus - and it doesn't matter if I'm getting enough time on my own or not, although this probably increases the amount of time before it becomes a drain.

Until the last month or so, I was in a fair number of transition states. I didn't know for _sure_ that my feelings for australian_joe would be what they are now (although I suspected strongly). I had the bond that I only recently got rid of which had been in an unknown state for months and months and months. I had a slightly confusing relationship state with a friend of mine (now resolved). I'm sure there was more, but those were the major bits.

It's no wonder I was frustrated beyond belief with the constant transition state that is getting to know new people when I was already in so many transition states! And it's no wonder that, even though I have a strong amount of sad/loss/anger/disappintment relating to the no-longer bond, I feel so much more _stable_ and right than I did. I basically did a housecleaning of uncertain states. And my brain is much less crowded.

We'll see how long that lasts, since life is all about transition states!