wispfox

shadesong had a statement in a this recent post which resonated strongly with me. So, I'm noodling on it. And you all get to see it!

Basically, the statement talked about worst thing that can be done to her short of physical harm, which was to lie to her. If one includes the not sharing of problems that are currently affecting someone I care about, and/or saying that nothing is wrong when I get enough words to *ask* if something is wrong, that is *so* very true for me.

I hate having a feeling that something is wrong, but not knowing what. Part of this is because I'm very, very likely to think that it's something *I* did. Another part is because it means I will be less willing/able to talk about things that might be bothering *me* - for fear of causing more problems, and because I don't know *why* I'm not being told what's going on. If I do not feel confided in, I have trouble confiding.

Especially bad if there is a refusal to even admit that the problem exists. If someone tells me that they cannot currently talk about it, but acknowledges that something is wrong, I will be much happier. Especially if there is a commitment to say something once there are words available. Also better if they can tell me for sure, one way or another, if it's me or not. Even *knowing* that it is me is better than having no idea, although it's certainly not pleasant if I know that I will need to wait for whatever it is to be verbalized to me. I will be stressed knowing that it's me, and having to wait. But much less stressed than if I have no idea what's going on.

Please - if you are someone I'm close to, are in a bad mood, and I ask if you're ok, don't tell me that you're fine. Because more likely than not, I will *know* you are not.

Tell me that you don't know what's up, if you don't. Tell me that you have things you need to think about, but that you will get back to me. Hell, if you can talk about it, tell me what's going on.

Don't shut me out, because it will mean that *even if nothing is wrong between you and I*, I will think there is. And I will start having trouble with talking about things that *I* might need to talk about. Which is very, very, *very* bad for actually having a relationship of any sort with me. Either I talk about anything in my life which is not covered by a privacy concern of some sort, or I talk only about very, very inconsequential details. And if the latter, a good friendship with me is very, very unlikely. I don't do well with not being able to talk to people about whatever happens to occur to me to share.

[edit - removed friends-only. Didn't really need to be there in the first place, and

shadesong linked to the post. If I don't remove friends-only, not many people will be able to *use* the link]