I wroted you a present, and did not eat it!

[wispfox]

It's been about a year and a half since I first realized that metahacker had somehow stuck into my head and become important to me, and a little over a year since - after much complication, intense conversation, and heartache - we first started dating. Somewhere between those two points, I realized that I was in love with him, which terrified me far less than that realization usually does (falling in love with people scares me to quite an impressive degree).

I continue to be very glad, if somewhat amazed, that I did not flee in the other direction when I realized that I was going to be involved in a situation of a monogamous, married couple trying to make the adjustment to being poly. If it had not become abuntantly clear to me that metahacker was someone who clearly _was_ poly, regardless of past practical experience, and that it was not solely because of me, I would indeed have fled. As it was, some combination of that realization, just how clearly metahacker and galaneia love each other, and how well galaneia and I get along made it worth the attempt. And how hard everyone was clearly _trying_. Even if I was terrified the entire time. Even if, really, I think all of us were terrified the entire time.

But now that there is backstory, there will be schmoop in the direction of metahacker, as I failed to be able to write this if it was not directed at him.


I love you.

I love that, way back when I first sent you email to ask you why you were confusing me so much, you had the courage to answer me as honestly and openly as you could. Eventually. After a bunch of drafts. ;)

I love you for your joy, your glee, your appreciation of the wide variety of things I share with you. And that you are willing to show it when you don't understand why I wanted to share it (although this is not that frequent).

I love you for your courage, your honesty, your vuluerability, your hope. I love that you are willing to try even through things that teriffy you.

I love you for your intentisy, your passion, your creativity, your curiosity, your need to do things and to make things. Even though this often means that you want to do far more things than you have time to do.

I love you for your frustrations and the _reasons_ for them, for being human and thus imperfect, for your need to try to fix things. Everything. And I love that you are willing to be reminded to _stop_ trying sometimes, to relax, to not break yourself attempting the impossible. Or at the very least highly improbable.

I love you for how much you care. About so many different things.

I love you for how clearly you show that you love me, as well as telling me. I love how clearly you love and adore galaneia, frequently charming me greatly. I love that you feel so strongly about us _both_ being part of your life, your family.

I love that we've met each other's parents. That you're way more out than I would have ever expected. Possibly more than I am, but not in problematic ways. That you want me to meet as many of your friends as possible and understand my desire for you to meet mine.

I love that NSPy tries to prevent you from leaving, because clearly you belong _here_ and are one of his people.

I love you for what you teach me, overtly, subtley, and purely by being who you are. I love that, other than being startled sometimes, it's ok that there are things you need to teach me. That you're patient and loving about it.

I love that you hold my hand when we walk, and that for some reason this doesn't mean I trip over my feet. And that you've taught me to walk arm in arm, even though I'm still somewhat unaccustomed to this.

I love that you hug me, hold me, pet me, and squish me. Sometimes because I ask, but mostly just because you want to, or I need it, or both. I love that touch is so important to you.

I love that you remember to play, that my desire to climb trees or swing is not utterly baffling to you.

I love that you comprehend that I am sort of two different people, depending on the season, and that we interact differently at different seasons.

I love you for your grace, when you show me aikido, or dance, or just different ways to move. I love when I get distracted by watching you move, or not move. That grace has become so natural to you that you unconsciously pose much of the time. I love that you can explain why various movements (aikido mostly) make sense, even if I can't always follow or comprehend it.

I love that we exchange cute/silly/sweet text messages/emails/voicemails/IMs.

I love you for your music, songs that you share with me, music that you play, sing, and/or record and send to me. I love that music is important to you, both making it and listening to it, and that you understand my attachment to Psinging. I love how much it makes you happy when all three of us are singing together and harmonizing, which makes my own appreciation of such all the more so.

I love that you understand my attachment to scents, of people, of places, of things, and you often share them.

I love that you go for walks, explore new places, show me beauty and silly and awe-inspiring. And that I share the same with you. Rivers and trees and mountains and beauty and quiet. And that you're trying to teach me to find the quiet and calm in the midst of noise, that malls are valid places to go for a walk if outside is icky.

I love that there are things that are important to you, and even though I may not really understand, their importance to you makes them important to me.

I love that there are things which are difficult for me, like Autumn and New York City, but your love for those things helps make them easier for me, any time I remember your attachment to them.

I love you for your silly, for your sense of humor, for your laughter.

I love that you can, indeed, be quite charming, but that you are starting to understand that you don't always have to be.

I love you for your abilty to smooth relationships between people, for the way you can see so much of what's going on in both overt and subtle interactions. And I love that you can explain much of this, when I ask. And that you can remember to let go of it and not necessarily do anything about what you can see.

I love that you try to understand the ways in which your assumptions don't match what is actually happening, that you try to work through things in your own head and in your relationships with others. I love that you talk about things with me.

I love that we talk about strange things, crazy things, difficult things, complicated things. I love that we discuss, converse, and just chat.

I love that you listen to me, even when you don't want to hear it, and even if not right away. I love that you can express that you heard me.

I love that you accept that I have strange areas of lack of knowledge, and you share things. And that my view of things is sometimes unusual or unexpected.

I love that you appreciate it when I want to share things with you, or explain things to you. And that you make me stop when I'm over-explaining something. And understand when I can't easily stop in the middle of a thought or a sentence, even if I have realized that you understood.

I love you when you are grumpy or irritable, I love you when you are sad. I love you when you confuse me and I don't know what to do.

I love you when I don't want people, any people, around. I love you when I'm simultaneously wanting people and not wanting people. Wanting touch but too prickly for it (and usualy you squish me when this is true, which reduces the problem).

I love that you hug me with no warning and with great enthusiasum, but that though I have no balance I know I will not fall.

I love that sometimes you come in and cuddle me in the morning before we get up, and that you cuddle me before bed.

I love that you try to teach me silly things like how to play patty-cake, because I did not learn as a kid (or more probably, was not coordinated enough to learn as a kid).

I love you.

Comments

[deyo.livejournal.com]

That's very awesome. :) Thank you for schmooping out here where we can all enjoy it.

Also, I never knew what Mary Mack (http://www.kididdles.com/lyrics/m008.html) was until I saw kids playing it in Sims 2. ;)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Public display of schmoop!

Mary Mack: I _still_ don't know what it is, other than likely a patty-cake game. :)

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

http://www.songsforteaching.com/folk/missmarymack.htm - lyrics and song clip there, not autoplay.

I just learned it as a song to sing, not a handclap game. We sang "say say oh playmate" when I was young, for hands. I'll teach you both in January. :)

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

January teaching: Ok! :)

(and then you get to see my coordination troubles. ;)

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

(blink)

Somehow seeing those lyrics written down is like...sacrilege or something. Wrong media! Like when I was in the bookstore and saw the print edition of -- err-- something--like FAILblog or something.

[jasra]

I'm sniffly. You guys are so good to and for each other. Yay!

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*silly grin*

[wcg.livejournal.com]

It's good to see you happy.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*smile*

sniff sniff

[staircasewriter.livejournal.com]

...must be someone cutting onions nearby...eyes are all teary...yup...onions for sure...STIFLED SOB...That was ah..a burp...
Gotta go....
C

Re: sniff sniff

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Uh-huh. Blame the onions. ;)

[metahacker.livejournal.com]

since I first realized that metahacker had somehow stuck into my head

Sounds like a problem! Like a raccoon stuck in a chimney flue or something. ("Little help? No?")

Remember, metahackers lasting more than four hours should be treated as a serious medical condition. If the condition persists, see your doctor immediately (especially if your doctor *is* metahacker). If the schmoop persists, you can treat it with...nothing. Never mind. You are doomed!

(Inner 7 year old is sitting in a corner blushing, btw.)

Also, we might fall one of these hugs. But probably not onto anything pointy. I usually have a planned escape route should I fail in my attempts to keep you only non-catastrophically off-balance. But that's part of the excitement, I s'pose.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

(especially if your doctor *is* [info]metahacker)

*giggly*

(Inner 7 year old is sitting in a corner blushing, btw.)

Yay! I win!

potentially falling via hugging: see, even if we do, I'm reasonably confident in your ability to have us not get damaged in the process, which I do not have in my own ability to do so (which is why you don't get attack hugs or kisses in person).

[regyt.livejournal.com]

This was wonderful to read.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

*grin* And to write!

[kemsit.livejournal.com]

*sigh. So sweet.

It was so long and wonderful it took me two readings to finish it, mostly because I like to savor such sweetness.