links,writings, link.polyamory

[wispfox]

ratatosk muses on the idea that because of the relationship between love, sex, and monogamy in the minds of the mainstream, poly people who talk only about love -- no matter how logically justified that may be -- will never fully break down the barriers to mainstream acceptance.

I don't have enough brain to comment, but I link!

edited to add: His post was at partly the result of reading Polyamory is not about the sex, except when it is, which is long, but also interesting.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

There are people on polyamory who think we won't get acceptance unless we absolutely focus on the love, not the sex. But it's like people feel like it has to be entirely about love, or else it's entirely about sex, nothing in between.

I'm fine with it including having sex with other people, and including having romantic attachment with more than one person being just fine. I, personally, haven't fallen in love with someone without having sex with them first. Even hitchhiker, whom I loved, as a friend, before we got involved, I slept with before I slipped headlong into "in love." I don't know if I could have fallen more in love before sex had I actually tried it, but that precipice of "falling in love" (people say it's a temporary condition, but only the precipice need be, for people who do the precipice, the "in love" can last), for me, seems to want sex as the device that shoves me over.

(I don't always fall in love with people I have sex with. I need some sort of other thing.)

[ratatosk.livejournal.com]

You should link to the article _I'm_ quoting, too: http://freaksexual.wordpress.com/2008/01/31/polyamory-is-not-about-the-sex-except-when-it-is/

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

Done! :)

[leiacat.livejournal.com]

I spend a fair portion of my time being more or less asexual. That doesn't stop me from being bi and poly, but it definitely makes it a lot more awkward to explain, especially when I seem to be in the process of falling for someone without really having much desire to have sex with them (or anyone at all).

On the other hand, I've not been doing too much falling for people lately, either.

[wispfox.livejournal.com]

I spend a fair portion of my time being more or less asexual. That doesn't stop me from being bi and poly, but it definitely makes it a lot more awkward to explain, especially when I seem to be in the process of falling for someone without really having much desire to have sex with them (or anyone at all).

This fascinates me. May be a conversation for email, though, because I'm not clear on what you mean when you say 'more or less asexual'. Shall email. :)